Lately i have been noticing that i seem to be getting angrier and angrier by the day. I am sick of seeing others around me full of happiness when i am so miserable. Since my husband passed away feb 26th i feel like i have nothing to live for.He was my everything. I know some of you know exactly how i feel. But i dont like feeling like this. I am only 55 years old but I feel like my life is over. I just dont feel like i have a purpose anymore. I cant even talk to anyone about how i feel except this group of people because noone can understand or care how i feel. I hate feeling like this and some people say it is because all of my fear is turning to anger. I just know that if i have to feel like this from now on, i can only pray that i will be able to join my husband.I dont want to bring anyone down and I hate to sound so negative but i have to have someone i can talk too. I certainly have found out who my true friends really are through this ordeal, and believe me their arent very many.My one friend that I have known for 25 years , the one I thought i could probably count on, doesnt even call to check on me. I know that just because my life is miserable , doesnt mean that everyone elses life shouldnt go on as normal, but it hurts to know that what you thought was a friend isnt a friend.Some days i feel like i am going to have a nervous breakdown, just because i cant stand feeling so mentally and sometimes physically bad. I used to exercise on a regular basis , now I very rarely go to the gym. I have just lost my will to do anything other than go to work.Even at work I find myself with too much free time , that is how i found this web site but it is probably a blessing i found you all. Please pray for me, as I will pray for you.

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Cindy,I'm truelly sorry that you can't count on the people who you thought were your friends but sadley sometime that is the way they are I also have had a friend but now it's up to me to call her then she tells me to stay in touch. Well I'm tired of staying in touch so I don't call and neither does she. she was good the first few days bringing food ( doughnuts ) because she knew I had out of town people coming she came to the evening viewing but didn't stay and not the service in the a m or the graveyard so who needs them. Cindy feeling like your going crazy happens to all of us I know it did me but I finally had to the DR. and get some help.you just need to start slow go once a week to the gym maybe not as long. baby steps is what we have to take then sometime we still have a hard time and fall backward, talk to your DR. I will pray for you and will chat whenever you need.
Hello Cindy,
I also find myself very critical of people these days.
Since this last saturday after attending a memorial service for a neighbor and friend of my wifes and mine, I have been putting down the priest that gave the memorial service there. He was the one that married my wife Loni and I. I don't have one good thing to say about him. Even his son is on the most wanted list from the police department. I must be pretty bad to critsize a priest, but my wife hated him and so do I. We both thnk he is evil. Loni is gone now, but I still see it in him.
I have to say that of all the things we are going thru, which is everything and then some, I never had anger. Strange isnt it? I think what I do have is the sadness and disappointment. My sadness of my wife not being with me, the disappointment of the friends and family not supporting me and helping me in my time of deep sorrow. I hate going out to do errands,alone.I hate to see other people having their spouses or friends with them, doing things together.I hate looking at certain people trying to see who looks,walks and stands like my wife did. Yes, disappointment is what I have. I have nothing without my wife. I do have my wife's pefume bottle, which I sniff occasionally. I do have her recorded singing a song during a kareoke night. I do have flowers coming up my g-son planted for her. Daisies and forget-me-nots. But I dont have her, my pal. Today I have to find out if my unborn great g-son will be aborted due to a medical problem. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
I came acroos this saying in our local paper one day-author unknown but i read it everday maybe it will help someone else out

You can shed your tears that --- is gone or You can smile because he/she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that --will come back or you can open your eyes and see that he/she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you cant see him/her or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him/her only that they are gone or you can cherish his/her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back,or you can do what he/she wants-SMILE,OPEN YOUR EYES,LOVE and GO ON.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN
that is true when you are in the ready to move on stage of the greiving process, nice.

mary heinrich said:
I came acroos this saying in our local paper one day-author unknown but i read it everday maybe it will help someone else out

You can shed your tears that --- is gone or You can smile because he/she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that --will come back or you can open your eyes and see that he/she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you cant see him/her or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him/her only that they are gone or you can cherish his/her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back,or you can do what he/she wants-SMILE,OPEN YOUR EYES,LOVE and GO ON.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN
I'm 58 and lost my husband 18 months ago. I keep telling myself that it was meant to be and that he wouldn't want me to stop living. Hard as it has been I pick myself up, one day at a time, and have tried to start making new memories without him. Knowing that he wanted me to go on. He's always in my heart and my thoughts, and I try to smile, thinking that it would make him so sad to not see the smile he loved so much. Take deep breaths and go at your own pace, one day at a time.
indy, I am truly so sorry what a let down it is that any expectations are not met. Believe me I had the same experience but I realized now that was a good thing so just be depend on your self and no one else. I have friends who were there and tried but we spoke quite frank and they said that they have their own things to do and might not be able to came straight away but they do call me once a week some even called a month later because it is a busy time. I have to two children going through grieve and much more which I am not going into details but I feel the same. One of my friends her husband has gone through a similar thing but when her husband pas.... we were not friends and I do regret this so much now. I am asking myself what is my purpose in my life and I am so convinced that I will never love someone like my Baby, believe me I will not but no love is the same they say (I personally think Fernando is/was my soulmate) but we have painted this furture with them forever and all this friends kid themselves if they thing it can not happen to them. One "friend" she went through her mum having breast cancer, she is still alive, her husband suspected of prostate cancer but it was something else and her son getting diabetis, i was there but what did I get back. AAHH , nothing instead she was on her high horse saying if i want something I call. It was me who called her so she did not have to. People amaze me so much and do not expect anything of no one but we understand you on this website. Cindy, you are a strong person I can read it and be the person I think you know you are.
YOU KNOW KAREN I DO KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND WOULD BE SAD IF HE KNEW HOW ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE I AM BUT I AM JUST LOST WITHOUT HIM. I WILL NEVER FIND ANOTHER MAN LIKE HIM AND THOUGH I KNOW I WAS BLESSED TO HAVE HIM IT WASNT LONG ENOUGH AND IT SADDENS ME SO TO THINK THAT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN ROBBED OUT OF MANY YEARS AS I AM ONLY 55.WE HAD PLANNED ON GROWING OLD TOGETHER AND NOW WE CANT. I CAN RELATE TO ALOT OF HOW KATHY FEELS.YOU LOST YOUR HUSBAND AT AN EARLY AGE ALSO AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE A REALLY GOOD ATTITUDE ABOUT IT ALL.God Bless you.
kathy obiedzinski said:
hi cindy: i just read your comment about anger george passed on 3/1/09 and beleive me i am still angry with everyone and anyone because i feel it should not have happened to me. at first i was angry at god then the people i see with their spouses and i do not have one. i walk on the avenue and see people holding hands and so happy i look for people that walk like george has hair like george anything that would remind me of my love of my life. people say it takes time others tell me i must face the fact that he is not coming back to me i know this i still get very depressed so cindy please take care of yourself remember we are here for everyone that is going thru this
kathy obiedzinski said:
hi cindy: i just read your comment about anger george passed on 3/1/09 and beleive me i am still angry with everyone and anyone because i feel it should not have happened to me. at first i was angry at god then the people i see with their spouses and i do not have one. i walk on the avenue and see people holding hands and so happy i look for people that walk like george has hair like george anything that would remind me of my love of my life. people say it takes time others tell me i must face the fact that he is not coming back to me i know this i still get very depressed so cindy please take care of yourself remember we are here for everyone that is going thru this
kathy, i would be interested in having someone to personally talk to at times. i work 3pm till 11pm mon. thru fri. so i would probably be more interested in talking on the week ends. i have unlimited long distance so that isnt a problem for me. would you rather me give you my number or can i have your? I AM like you i am willing to talk with anyone if i can be of any help at all. i just cant talk when i am at work. i also live in texas so i am on central time.
Cindy, I understand your anger at people being happy when you are miserable. I see a couple around my age together, walking and holding hands and it makes me so angry but, at the same time, I am happy for them. I am just angry that I no longer have my husband to walk with me. My husband passed on 11/9/09 and I still cannot do the things that I did before. I used to cross stitch and watch tv with him and I cannot pick up these things now. I have tried and I just can't. I guess maybe in time it will get better but I don't know. I feel like I am going all the time but get nothing done. I don't cook anymore. I can keep the house clean but that is about all. My flowers in the yard are in bad shape and I really don't care about them. I don't know how long it takes or if it ever gets better. All we can do is to be there for each other and keep praying for each other.

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