I am filled with alot of anger.

Lately i have been noticing that i seem to be getting angrier and angrier by the day. I am sick of seeing others around me full of happiness when i am so miserable. Since my husband passed away feb 26th i feel like i have nothing to live for.He was my everything. I know some of you know exactly how i feel. But i dont like feeling like this. I am only 55 years old but I feel like my life is over. I just dont feel like i have a purpose anymore. I cant even talk to anyone about how i feel except this group of people because noone can understand or care how i feel. I hate feeling like this and some people say it is because all of my fear is turning to anger. I just know that if i have to feel like this from now on, i can only pray that i will be able to join my husband.I dont want to bring anyone down and I hate to sound so negative but i have to have someone i can talk too. I certainly have found out who my true friends really are through this ordeal, and believe me their arent very many.My one friend that I have known for 25 years , the one I thought i could probably count on, doesnt even call to check on me. I know that just because my life is miserable , doesnt mean that everyone elses life shouldnt go on as normal, but it hurts to know that what you thought was a friend isnt a friend.Some days i feel like i am going to have a nervous breakdown, just because i cant stand feeling so mentally and sometimes physically bad. I used to exercise on a regular basis , now I very rarely go to the gym. I have just lost my will to do anything other than go to work.Even at work I find myself with too much free time , that is how i found this web site but it is probably a blessing i found you all. Please pray for me, as I will pray for you.

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Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 19, 2010 at 8:51pm

KATHY, THANKS FOR LEAVING YOUR NUMBERS. PROBABLY THE WEEK ENDS WOULD BE THE BEST TIME FOR ME TO CALL JUST BECAUSE I WORK THE EVENING SHIFT AND YOU WORK THE DAY SHIFT. BUT THE WEEKENDS ARE THE WORSE TIME FOR ME ANYWAY. THANKS AGAIN FOR LEAVING YOUR NUMBERS.

Permalink Reply by Marilyn on July 20, 2010 at 9:00am

Hi Cindy - I'm 54 so we're close in age. I can really relate to the friends issue - I cannot believe how many of my friends don't call. Like it wouldn't take too much to pick up a phone and say "why don't you come over for pizza". My husband died in December, and I've given up on many of them. I hope things get better for you - they are slowly improving for me - I think - but things go up and down. I have another website I go to also - which I think you might find helpful. It is called dailystrength.com. We just had a little get-together in Indiana and they're having one in the south and California as well. I don't know where you live - but I find this site helpful as well.
Marilyn

Permalink Reply by Rosemary on July 22, 2010 at 10:46am

CINDY POWELL said:

kathy obiedzinski said:
hi cindy: i just read your comment about anger george passed on 3/1/09 and beleive me i am still angry with everyone and anyone because i feel it should not have happened to me. at first i was angry at god then the people i see with their spouses and i do not have one. i walk on the avenue and see people holding hands and so happy i look for people that walk like george has hair like george anything that would remind me of my love of my life. people say it takes time others tell me i must face the fact that he is not coming back to me i know this i still get very depressed so cindy please take care of yourself remember we are here for everyone that is going thru this

Permalink Reply by Rosemary on July 22, 2010 at 11:01am

I am new to this site, but I am so glad I found it. At least now I know I am not crazy for hating all the older couples I see that look so happy, thinking how unfair it is that my precious husband is not here with me. What really bothers me is knowing how awful some people are to their spouses and they are still together when a wonderful husband and father is deceased. It has been two years, I should be much better. I know there are different stages of grief and anger is usually a stage, but I sure wish it would get as tired of me as I am of it. All of your comments have helped me so much today, I will pray each of you find some solace in our site. Knowing we are not "the only one" may not make us feel better, but at least it might help us keep our sanity. Maybe today I won't think I am going crazy, maybe I won't be upset that no one else in the world seems to care that my husband is dead, maybe today I will find some peace. As someone mentioned, I will go outside tonight and look at the stars, maybe he is watching out for me.