saddest day in july

tomorrow 7/27/10 would have been 36 years with george. i do not know how i will be handling this. i was wishing that we would have spent the rest of our lives together but he was taken away from me on 3/1/09 it was the best years i have ever spent with someone he was such a good man and now i sit here with tears flowing and again getting angry i know he is up where he belongs but he also belongs here with me i want him back and will do anthing to get him back i know it is impossible but i can wish that i would be taken soon so i will be with him it kills me to see everyone happy and me so sad i am sure the kids know how i feel but they do not say anything on saturday 7/31/10 my son is having his yearly pool party and george family will be there (bunch of phonies) they act so nice but after they all have their fun i never hear from them was not invited to the wedding of his nephew back a few months ago i would not have gone anyway but at least have the courtesy of asking. i needed to get this off my chest sorry if i seem down and out but i just kills me with out george here i am just so lonely i love you george and i miss you so much happy anniversity

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Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 27, 2010 at 11:09pm

To everyone, I am so sorry for your losses and the things that we are doing which no one understands but us on this site.Everything we do or dont do doesnt matter except to us.Some people just tolerate us doing what we do and actually they never know the hurt and torment we are suffering.We are wondering what to do. We are searching for some kind of way to "make it better". In our small ways we are,very slowly. But it will never be the same again and that is what eats us up alive.So, we use what little we now have and do what we do. Does any of this make sense? Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Deb on July 27, 2010 at 11:11pm

God bless you today, Kathy. I have had you in my thoughts and prayers today. I read your post last night, but went to sleep while writing a note to you! I know your anniversary is such a rough time -- we all wish our mates were still here with us. I hope those of you who had your mates for years realize how very blessed you are!! My Junior and I only had 2 years together as mates; but had been friends for over 44 years. He was my everything!! I heard a song on the radio yesterday that spoke volumes, and made me cry! The name of the song is (Without You) What Do I Do With Myself by Tanya Tucker. I was just scanning channels, but had to stop when I heard the words . . . it is so very true!!! Even though my Junior has been gone over a year I still wonder what do I do with myself without him -- the best part of me left when he passed away! At least I still have the beautiful memories . . no one can take or erase them. Kathy, I hope your day has not been as bad as anticipated. Take care of yourself. Write when you can.
Hugs.
Deb

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on July 28, 2010 at 7:21am

cindy:
i am not sure i have you tele # i would love to call you and talk to you. i can listen to what you want to say

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on July 28, 2010 at 10:07am

Dear Kathy,

It is hard, it is so, so hard - and the burden of making _everyone_ else feel comfortable falls upon the ones who need to be _comforted_ - in the reaction of many friends and family, we also "died" along with the loved one, because our mere presence brings _death_ into the picture, and people flee from the prospect of death.

We all need someone to "weep with us who weep" - I hope the 27th was bearable for you, and I pray that caffeine will permeate the nostrils of your friends and family and that they will reach out to and comfort you!

Grace, peace, comfort and blessing be with you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on July 28, 2010 at 10:21am

YACA: THANK YOU WHAT YOU SAID IS THE TRUTH YESTERDAY (27TH) WAS NOT THE GREATEST DAY BUT I SURVIED IT. I SAT ON THE GRASS AND SPOKE TO GEORGE. TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THE FAMILY AND THE KIDS I DID MY CRYING AND STILL QUESTION HIM AS TO WHY WHY HE HAD TO LEAVE ME. I KNOW HE CANNOT ANSWER ME BUT I FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT I KEPT MY PROMISE TO HIM THAT I WOULD BE AT THE CEMENTARY FOR OUR SPECIAL DAY AGAIN THANKS

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 28, 2010 at 8:50pm

barb,
i am so sorry to hear about how brads family is treating you. since you were close to them at one time it seems really odd that they have just seemed to leave your life. that would hurt me so bad!!!!!!!
at least with my husband, his name was roger, rogers family and i never were close. his children lives in arizona and we lived in texas. that is quite a distance. so i think i only saw his children a handful of times in our marriage. his brother however and his brothers family , wife and two kids, live in the same town that we lived in and we never saw them. i use to ask my husband why he never kept in contact and he said i guess we are both too busy. i know their had to be more to it than that. anyway i feel sad because i need someone to miss roger as much as i do.someone i can talk to about roger to know they are hurting like i am. but i dont have that.if you think that you would feel comfortable calling brads family and asking them why are you not keeping in contact with me then i probably would call them. but only if you would feel comfortable doing it. at least you could stop wondering why!by the way i love that picture that you have posted of you and brad.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 28, 2010 at 9:05pm

kathy,
glad to hear that you survived your anniversary. i do know that it was hard. hopefully you felt more at peace after you left the cemetary.i have your numbers, but let me give you mine. home is 254-420-3979, and cell is 254-265-1118. i work mon-fri from 2:30 till 11:00pm. i am off on the week ends.i am free to talk anytime except when i am at work.i dont have a computer at home so on the weekends i cant even visit this site.

Permalink Reply by deborah diggs on July 28, 2010 at 9:27pm

My anniversary was today, 7/28/2010. the first one without Byron. But, my nephew and his wife had a baby today...Byron was very excited about this baby...so sorry he didnt live to meet the baby SO this definitely made today sweet, and sad at the same time, more than I could have hoped for...definitely shifted the grief...I give thanks!!!! You are so brave, I have not been able to go to the gravesite. It s been 4 months now, I commend you on your strength...

Permalink Reply by deborah diggs on July 28, 2010 at 9:56pm

Kathy,

People told me happy anniversary today also...I too, found this to be insensitive.
For me it was a harsh realization that I no longer have my husband. This was the first anniversay witout Byron, and at least it was bittersweet, because my nephew and his wife had a baby today.
Still I missed getting flowers at work, I missed the beautiful, carefully picked out cards, the romantic evenings, which for us could have been chinese food and a movie, or just cuddling....I miss him soooo much..but praise god i made it through this day!!!!!I do believe however that people think they are honoring the memory of our spouses by wishing us a happy anniversary!! I have learned that no one can win with us widows,,,because the only thing we want is the thing no one can give us..which is for our loved ones to come back to us....
Lovingly

Debbie