My husband Jerry just passed away on June 1, 2010. He was only 40. We were married for 18 years and together for 20. He was and always will be my best friend and soulmate. I don't know how I am supposed to get through each day. He is all I think about. All I do is cry, cry and then cry some more. I no longer have my Jerry. It was always Jerry and Kim now its just Kim. How do you keep pushing forward when all you can do is think of the past. The memories of the past 20 years are all I have left and it is so hard to even begin to think of a future without my husband.

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kim,
i do understand how you feel but try not to be so hard on yourself. i too, have alot of guilt. my husband was so very sick and neither of us even realized it. i was trying to get him to eat and drink constantly. i also kept telling him to quit isolating and made him go with me to the movies and out to eat, just because i thought i was helping him.it sounds like neither of us understood how sick our husbands were but we loved them and were only trying to do the best that we know how.my husband didnt want to quit working , so he continued to work 5 weeks after he was diagnoised.he had double vision when he was diagnoised that is when he went to the dr to find out what was wrong. now that i look back, i should have insisted that he quit working. but i didnt. because i really didnt ever realize how bad it was, until around jan 5th.even then i never had a clue how bad it was really going to get. i was scared to ask questions and maybe scared to learn the truth. none of the drs ever just came out and really told me a whole lot. i am like you, kim , very angry with the doctors.

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