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My husband died of lung cancer on aug 5th of 2009. It is almost a year later and I still find it hard to cope with the fact that he is gone. He was such a good and loving man. How do I go on living with out him? Will this pain ever go away?

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Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on July 27, 2010 at 4:28pm

cathy,
i am so sorry to hear about your husband. my husband also died of lung cancer on feb. 26th 2010. it has been the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with.i wish i had the answers for you, because i ask myself those same questions every day.i can only pass on to you what has been passed on to me. i have been told to find a good grief support group to go too. i have been told to become involved in a church if you arent. i have been told to stay close to other women.i find all these things hard for me because i am used to doing everything with my husband who was also my best friend. now i am all alone and i find it so difficult to attempt to reach out to others especially when i really never was very close to them.all of our situations on this website are different but one thing we all have in common is that we really are missing our spouse.some of the people seem to be dealing with their grief alot better than others but i think it is very important to be honest about where you are at.i for one still feel pretty hopeless and depressed but i know that i have to just take one day at a time and pray that i will gradually heal with time.i know my husband would want me to be happy and move on with my life but that is something that i do not have a clue , like you, how to do. i sure wish i could have been more help to you, but just know that i will pray for you and i am here if you need me.God Bless you.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on July 27, 2010 at 4:30pm

Hi Cathy, welcome to the "Wish We Were Not Here" club. My Bo also died of lung cancer. He left me August 30, 2009 on a bright sunny, Sunday. My first year anniversary of being alone is right around the corner and I still cry everyday for him. I wish I had an answer but to me, personally, this pain will never go away until I see him again. Hugs........BoLynn

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 27, 2010 at 5:20pm

Hi to all, and welcome Cathy. I am sorry for your loss and everyone elses loss. This is the place to share, good and the bad. We all care and understand. Its been 15 months since LouAnn died suddenly after 44 years of marriage. The pain and grief will always remain and all of the other things we are and will be experiencing. This is the place to share and find the sharing with you. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on July 27, 2010 at 5:35pm

I am so sorry about all of your husband and also that we all have to suffer this great loss in our lives. This life I am now living is pure hell for me, I can`t eat, sleep or even think straight. I know one day at a time, right? god bless everyone.

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, and welcome Cathy. I am sorry for your loss and everyone elses loss. This is the place to share, good and the bad. We all care and understand. Its been 15 months since LouAnn died suddenly after 44 years of marriage. The pain and grief will always remain and all of the other things we are and will be experiencing. This is the place to share and find the sharing with you. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on July 27, 2010 at 5:43pm

Kathy,I'm so sorry for your loss, here we all understand and my husband passed 4-29-09 almost 15 months and it is still very hard all any of us can do is take it one day at a time, god bless

Permalink Reply by Mary on July 27, 2010 at 9:16pm

Hi Cathy,
I am so sorry you are here, but you have come to a good place for help and support. I don't have an answer for you, each persons grief is different and the recovery is different. I lost my husband on 2/7/10, coming up on 6 months. I have good days and horrible days yet. The loneliness and the loss of my best friend and soulmate is so hard. I was widowed once before, however this time is so much worse for many reasons. All I know is that I can only handle one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Connie on July 27, 2010 at 9:18pm

Hi Cathy,

Please accept my sincere sympathy on the loss of your husband. I lost my husband on 11/9/09. We were married 46 years and I miss him so very much I don't know how I go on. Cathy, I don't think that the pain will ever go away but maybe we will just learn to deal with it better. I live my life waiting for the day when I will be with my husband again. I have very good children and grandchildren but I just want to be with my husband. I go to the cemetary almost every day and I look at the space next to him with my name on it and wonder why I still have to be here. When we were married we were united as one in the sight of God, why then does he tear us apart and leave a person that cannot be complete. I know it is not my place to question God but I wish that someone could answer how I feel. I was raised as a Roman Catholic and told not to question but I really need to know. So in the meantime, I just wait for the day to come but pretend to my family that I am doing okay. They would be devastated if they knew how I really feel. I hope that you will be able to cope with your loss and go on with your life as best that you can. May God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on July 28, 2010 at 9:01pm

Cathy,

My husband died July 17, 2009 and I just completed my first year of "firsts" without this incredible man by my side. Douglas was a good man, lived a good life, and the world is a better place because he lived. I am sure your husband falls into this same category. It isn't easy going on without them, but it can be done. Our lives are altered forever. But we have a legacy of a lifetime of beautiful memories. That is just one of many things our loved ones left behind. Think of those times when you feel sad. You will still cry but then one day you will discover that they are tears of happy because of those memories. You are among others who are healing. The pain becomes less. Will it go away forever? Can't answer that. I think of Douglas every day -- and as I got through the first year I realize that the pain has become less. It isn't gone completely and may never leave me but I have come to peace with his death. I feel so blessed to have had this man come into my life. Be patient with yourself.

Hugs,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by bc on July 29, 2010 at 8:00am

I also lost my husband on Aug 5, 2009 very sudden and unexpected. I can't cope with my life the way it is now. The pain will never go away but with the help of Brad I'm hoping he will give me strength to go on. Thinking of you.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on July 29, 2010 at 10:15am

CATHY:I am sorry for your loss i lost george on 3/1/09 and i am still going thru the grieving stage. you will go thru many stages i know i did and still am. you must be strong if you want to yell get angry scream talk to him when you are home. i know i have george picture on my cell phone and kiss his picture every day and night i talk to him in the morning before i go to work just be strong the people on this website will be there for you they are understanding people that is going thru the same thing you are going thru

Permalink Reply by Barbara Wasilewski on July 29, 2010 at 10:24am

I also lost my husband to lung cancer on Oct. 20Th 2009.
But Aug the 5 Th it will be a whole year since he left here in an ambulance & never came back. He couldn't walk anymore.& had the start of dementia. When I think of how he suffered last year for 7 months is when I cry. I think of him every day.
He was diagnosed in 2005 & had part of a lung removed at Johns Hopkins.He was in remission for 2 years but at the end of 2007 it came back.
I would not want him back the way he was. He was not living the way he wanted to.
I miss him so much. I go to a grief consular a few times a month & it helps.
Two of his children are not speaking to me so that is a problem. Two of them are helping me.
We never had children together & I never had any children at all.
We were married 32 years.
I loved him so will keep his memory alive.

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Permalink Reply by Donna Chapman on July 29, 2010 at 2:26pm

Dear Cathy, You can go on living after the death of your husband. My husband died 4 yrs. ago this coming Aug. 7. The pain is still there but it lessens with each min. each hr. each day each week each mon. each yr. I miss my husband but my faith in God has seen me through these 4 yrs. as well as family and friends,pastors even strangers who come in to my life at different times. Allow yourself only so much time each day to grieve for him and then give yourself so much time to remember the good times. Then read something encouraging- The Bible , poetry, something that makes you happy. Do this each day. Also journal your feelings. One thing that helped me was to write a letter to my husband at the end of the day and tell him about my day as though he was away and I wanted him to know what happened while he was gone. I did this in journal form in a notebook with a tiger the cover of it because tigers were something he really liked and we shared that like. Often I went back and read my letters and remember him. Oh by the way my husband also died of lung cancer after surviving a bout of throat and neck cancer. That and the close proximity in date to my husband's death drew me to your letter. God's Blessings to you and prayers for His healing touch. Donna