Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 6:07pm

Judy, there is no time limit to when the grieving is over it is different for each person, you will have days you feel like doing things and find it's not to bad, then bam you get hit in the head with the guilt and you do feel like you shouldn't be doing anything but grieving, and it might take a few days to shake it off but we will progress at our own pace i know what your saying about the guilt and you think you will go crazy it has been 16 months for me and i'm sorry to say i still have many bad crazy grieving days, but i am also having a few days where i go and enjoy it but then when you get home all alone it's a battle i fight every evening all i can tell you is we are here for you if you need to talk i'll be more then happy to give you my # and e-mail add. i have unlimted long distance. all you can do is live in the moment and pray for it to get better someday it will get easier as many have said here we must adjust to our new normal life as best we can, god bless

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 10, 2010 at 7:38am

Judy, I don't believe that there is really a 'time line' for grieving. I believe that we all grieve differently but yet the same in many ways. Some of us will date again and probably marry and be very happy again but, in some way, they will always grieve the loss of their spouse. Some of us will never date or even be really happy again. Some are ready to go on shortly after their loss because they are able to put things into perspective and go on with their life. Then again, some are not able to do this. I don't think it depends on anything other than who you are personally and MAYBE a bit on the relationship you had with your spouse.
I guess we all feel like we are losing our minds at time, not knowing what is the right thing to do and when it is right to do it. Thank God for this website. We all may not agree on how and when things should be but we all can help each other by just being there and because we are grieving also, we understand how others feel. Judy, we will all get through this horrible time in our lives together.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 10, 2010 at 8:15am

JUDY I AM SURE SOME TOLD YOU THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON THE GRIEVING OF A LOSS I FEEL EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN TIME LIMIT. I KNOW FOR ME IT IS STILL GOING ON I STILL GET ANGRY CRY DEPRESSION WHATEVER GOES ALONG WITH THE GRIEVING SPELL. IT IS 17MONTHS FOR ME AND I AM STILL CONFUSED THE REASON WHY I SAY THIS IS BECAUSE GEORGE WAS NOT SICK (FROM WHAT I KNEW ANYWAY) IF HE WAS HE NEVER TOLD ME I GUESS BECAUSE HE DID NOT WANT TO GET ME UPSET BECAUSE OF MY HEART CONDITION I STILL THINK OF THE GOOD MEMORIES WE HAD AND YOU TO SHOULD DO THIS ALSO AGAIN TO ME THERE IS NOT TIME LIMIT BUT I DO WISH YOU WELL

Permalink Reply by brendan obrien on August 19, 2010 at 1:09pm

judy i think i can relate to your posting my friends seemed to think that 2 years was the magic number and i would be through with the grieving process. it has been almost 3 yrs and im starting to realize that this prosess will be life long. however i am able to live my life and for the most part be a somewhat happy person. once in awhile i suddenly am overcome with a feeling of lonliness and an almost physical pain. i have found that you cant stop this from happening i have to just let it happen. the feelings pass and i am able to begin smiling when i remember Becky again. the bad times happen less often as times go on. i guess what im trying to say is let the grief happen and it will pass more quickly. embrace the good times and remember that they will last a lifetime as well

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 19, 2010 at 2:24pm

Branden, what can I say but thats what we have to do as life just keeps going on.

Permalink Reply by bc on August 19, 2010 at 7:14pm

Judi, in this life we are living (?), there are no rules or time limits. You do whatever makes you feel better, you are in control. It's been one year and 14 days since Brad suffered a sudden cardiac arrest and left for heaven. I've been a wreck, lonely, depressed and some days I ask myself, "why?" I will never find out why, that I know, until I see him once again and we will never be apart again. It was just on the 1st anniversary on Aug. 5th that I sat down at the cemetery and had a talk with Brad. I asked him for strength to get through the day to day struggles. It was then that I figured it out. Everyone always tells me that Brad wouldn't want me to be sad, he'd want me to live a good life and it was on the 5th that I thought about it. Brad gave me so much love and strength while we were together, he taught me so many things and most of all he was my rock and my best friend. What better gift can I give to him but to try to be more positive like he taught me to do. After all he gave me, this is the least I can do for him. He always wanted to see me smile and be happy so for him, I'm going to try and have some positive days. When I'm down, I think of the times he would "lift me up" and I ask him to do it again.
The pain of a broken heart will never go away, but it will get easier to handle,so I'm told. Try going to a grief support group, I've been to three different ones and I think I've finally found one that will work. This site is your lifeline also, there are so many of us that care and can be supportive to you because we do understand what you are feeling.
Just go with your feelings, and I'll be here for you. My email is: bchamberlain@wi.rr.com if you want to let me know how you are doing. Anytime.........
Hugs & Love to you,
Barb