Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Help!!
I don't know where to start------ my husband of 28 yrs. died of cancer Jan. 22, 2010------
He was my soul mate, my rock, my like, my everything!!
He was in another state helping his dad when he died, I found out by voice-mail!!
I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)
and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!
They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!
We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!
as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!
we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!
Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----
Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!
My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!
I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!
Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!
He was my soul mate, my rock, my like, my everything!!
He was in another state helping his dad when he died, I found out by voice-mail!!
I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)
and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!
They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!
We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!
as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!
we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!
Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----
Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!
My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!
I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!
Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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There is something you can do, and it might make you feel a little better.
Seeing that you live in another state from the relatives, you can post an obituary of your own in your local paper, and only put in it what you want. Leave them out of it if it makes you feel better ! Write something nice about only you and him and what his life was truely about. Set the record straight for yourself.
How about that for an idea ! -
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Permalink Reply by ghall26 on
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http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSmid=47037355...;
I did--thanks for the idea though--I did it not to long after his death. -
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Permalink Reply by Joanne M. Imperatore on
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I am so sorry his family treated you this way! It is terrible you were his wife and should have been there with him. I couldn't imagine not being allowed to see him after he died and be told you were not allowed at the funeral, shame on his family. They should have thought what he would want. I am sure they were devastated but they had no right to treat you like that. I really don't know what to say but I just had to write because I can't believe his family would treat you that way. I just lost my fiance on June 28, 2010 so I am in the same boat as you. I am lost without him also. I guess we just move forward at our own pace and remember all the memories and keep him alive through them. I know this is not easy but you know your husband would not want you to torture yourself. Do you have someone you can talk to about this? I think it really helps to talk about it. Well I don't know what other advice to give you. Please take care of yourself. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
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I think that is a great idea!
Tom said:There is something you can do, and it might make you feel a little better.
Seeing that you live in another state from the relatives, you can post an obituary of your own in your local paper, and only put in it what you want. Leave them out of it if it makes you feel better ! Write something nice about only you and him and what his life was truely about. Set the record straight for yourself.
How about that for an idea ! -
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Thank you----My Husband & I Lost our best friend to murder June 28, 1985-----he would have been 20 yrs old on July 1, 1985!!
We had each other through that but now that my soulmate and my other half is gone I have No-One!!
I'm very sorry for your loss as well.
Joanne M. Imperatore said:I am so sorry his family treated you this way! It is terrible you were his wife and should have been there with him. I couldn't imagine not being allowed to see him after he died and be told you were not allowed at the funeral, shame on his family. They should have thought what he would want. I am sure they were devastated but they had no right to treat you like that. I really don't know what to say but I just had to write because I can't believe his family would treat you that way. I just lost my fiance on June 28, 2010 so I am in the same boat as you. I am lost without him also. I guess we just move forward at our own pace and remember all the memories and keep him alive through them. I know this is not easy but you know your husband would not want you to torture yourself. Do you have someone you can talk to about this? I think it really helps to talk about it. Well I don't know what other advice to give you. Please take care of yourself. Again I am so sorry for your loss. -
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Yes it's a great Idea----but where I live now----I can't afford to do it--we couldn't afford to put one in the paper when my grandpa died 2 months after my husband--yes I have been through HELL this year!!
Joanne M. Imperatore said:I think that is a great idea!
Tom said:There is something you can do, and it might make you feel a little better.
Seeing that you live in another state from the relatives, you can post an obituary of your own in your local paper, and only put in it what you want. Leave them out of it if it makes you feel better ! Write something nice about only you and him and what his life was truely about. Set the record straight for yourself.
How about that for an idea ! -
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Permalink Reply by Basia on
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I am sorry. For what its worth, I have an idea of how you feel. Suck it uP????!!! That's just cruel !! I feel alone too. So fricken alone!
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Permalink Reply by Jane D. on
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I had decided a few months ago to call on someone in my community and start a bible study - maybe it would help me get focused. To become more hopeful of the future, of the resurrection. Of course, being by myself, I've become so busy with working full time, taking care of the yard work, housework, finances, etc. etc.
Thank you so much for your words, Leo - I'm thinking I didn't find this site by accident, I pray to Jehovah daily for strength, for guidance and he hasn't failed me yet. Thank you again. I will get through this.
Leo said:If you would do ANYTHING for your beloved husband, don't you think our loving Creator would do the same? Many see the Almighty as too distant, as uncaring, and cruel. Yet that cannot be further from the truth! He gives us the only hope for a better future. Since he originated marriage, he wants this divine institution to last forever. That is something that not even death can impede. Why do I say that? Well, the Bible assures: "the Son of God [Jesus] was made manifest, namely, to break up the works of the Devil." Among those works is death (Romans 5: 12). However, Jehovah has promised: "THERE WILL BE A RESURRECTION" (Acts 24: 15). Where? Right here on Earth, in a splendid paradise where, "he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things [will] have passed away” (Revelation 21: 4; Psalm 37: 10, 11). Do you imagine giving your soalmate a warm welcome back to life? I hope so (John 17: 3). May this God-given hope bring your comfort during this difficult moment.
In the meantime, however, you may deal with feelings of anger, frustration, and even guilt. The the following article is very interesting and may even be the answer to your prayers. I know it helped me out tremendously!
http://www.watchtower.org/e/we/article_03.htm -
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