I am finding the anniversary of my husbands death still sends me in a tailspin. it will be 3 years next friday. I swear i have crying for 3 days. there are alot of other things happening as well. my sister and her cousin are trying to get all the kids (my mothers children) to go to another state to celebrate my aunts birthday, which isnt actually until december, but they want to have it in july. I havent traveled or gone anywhere by myself in 35 years, so, i really am not wanting to go, alot of fear (I really dont know these people and have only seen my cousins once), i have a little dog who is old and i wont leave him in a kennel place, he would freak out. my daughter and her husband do not like my dog and i fear he would not be treated well. my sister offered to pay all but $100 for me to go. my mother died this last july, i lost my home and my job and have been living on umemployment.  Right now, I think I need to go back on medication because i dont care if i live or die. this all is too much for me right now, and you out there are the ones that can relate to what im feeling. my brother, in another state, said he would stand for me there, which i would rather do, right now. all of us children ( 2 brothers, 1 sister and me) are suppose to go, spouses excluded? why? I think my sister is up to something or is lying about something and i dont want to be any part of that.  the other problem im having is whenever i get together with my daughter and her family and her mother in law in the picture, my daughter treats me like im invisible and that really hurts. so today, i got mad about that, decided i didnt want to go to her church, didnt go, didnt get a call, nothing.  its not that i dont believe in a higher power, i do, i am just not into organized religion, its between me and god and no one else. she doesnt feel that way and her mother in law is of the same religion.  usually this wouldnt bother me, but with everything together it is all more than i can handle. thank you for letting me vent. its been awhile since ive written on this site and it is a grace for it to be here. thank you

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Oh Julie - I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I can understand your sorrows and it is okay to cry over losing someone so precious - add to that your mother dying, losing your home and job - those are huge losses.  I can see why your dog has become so important to you - he is the one stability you can depend on right now.  If you feel you cannot go or are not up to it - that is your choice and no one elses.  Would they allow you to take the dog along?  If so, maybe it would be good to go.  What do your other siblings think is going on? Is is possible that the spouses are excluded so that you guys as siblings can have some special time together and also for your benefit since you lost your spouse?  I don't know your family or your sister but maybe they are trying to do something nice for you to get you away. 

 

I know when I am depressed I tend to withdraw and when someone pushes me to do something, I actually feel better after having done it most of the time.  Celebrating the birthday in July may just be a spin off from the Christmas in July stuff.  Having a birthday at Christmas time can be overshadowed sometimes I suppose with holiday festivites, etc. 

 

As far as your daughter, I am sure she loves you very much but may not know what to do to help you.  Her mother in law and her have a bond because of their faith and her mother in law isn't going through the things that you are going through.  I suspect when she sees you hurting she feels sad - for some that is too hard and they retreat from us rather than try to help us.   Medication may help - you have many reasons to be depressed!  I attend church but I can tell you there are some Sundays I just need to stay home - it is too hard for me.  My prayers will be with you Julie - may you receive a special blessing of comfort today.

Sheryl

Dear Julie - yes, anniversaries hurt; they're like a dagger to the heart, soul and brain.  Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day - all of these add to the hurt as well. I am so very sorry over the death of your beloved husband - about all the things you will not be able to do together, about losing his strength and love.

29 June is a very hard day for me....the day when my sweetie, His Lordship the Psy.D. died.....I managed to get through the first one (he died in 2009); I am just not thinking about 29 June 2011 as yet......

 

Peace, comfort, healing and blessing be upon and with you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Julie like you it's going on 3 yrs that my husband passed and I am still feeling his loss hard some days. A lady friend of mine just married a widower of one year....I don't know how someone can recover like that. Maybe it's a guy thing. For myself I still feel married, if I could have a male friend it would have to be someone like myself still 'in love' with his spouse and more like a brother. I have lady friends, but all of them are married, and working. (I'm retired and happy to be!) I've taken up learning to knit, watch old movies on my tv (don't have cable), have recently taken to the computer for comfort, and generally am a loner with my OLD dog too. She is a great comfort to me. Last Oct I had to put her 'puppy' 11 yr old Phoebe down as she had a growth in her mouth and throat. It was devistating. It may be childish to think of Phoebe and her 'daddy' in heaven together but that is what I want to think and take some comfort in it. He loved both dogs so much! Somedays I wonder what the future will hold for me and other days I feel like I could care less. I take comfort near the ocean (always have) but it's a long drive from my home.And becasue of my old dog I can't stay away from home too long. I know we can feel better about our loved ones eventually, but how do we get through the todays?  

Julie like you it's going on 3 yrs that my husband passed and I am still feeling his loss hard some days. A lady friend of mine just married a widower of one year....I don't know how someone can recover like that. Maybe it's a guy thing. For myself I still feel married, if I could have a male friend it would have to be someone like myself still 'in love' with his spouse and more like a brother. I have lady friends, but all of them are married, and working. (I'm retired and happy to be!) I've taken up learning to knit, watch old movies on my tv (don't have cable), have recently taken to the computer for comfort, and generally am a loner with my OLD dog too. She is a great comfort to me. Last Oct I had to put her 'puppy' 11 yr old Phoebe down as she had a growth in her mouth and throat. It was devistating. It may be childish to think of Phoebe and her 'daddy' in heaven together but that is what I want to think and take some comfort in it. He loved both dogs so much! Somedays I wonder what the future will hold for me and other days I feel like I could care less. I take comfort near the ocean (always have) but it's a long drive from my home.And becasue of my old dog I can't stay away from home too long. I know we can feel better about our loved ones eventually, but how do we get through the todays?  

i have heard where widow men do go back into a relationship soon after their spouse/sig other passes. im sure not all do this, but i hear it is common.  i often still feel "married" and would rather have a close male friend, more like a brother as well.  i am a loner as well and love spending most of my time with my old dog. he is my true buddy. Im sorry you lost your husband and your dog as well.  i also miss and love the ocean and it is also a very long drive for me, through 2 states and i have not driven any long distances or semi long by myself since my husband passed. i know i will have to get brave and do it someday, but it is scary to me.  my daughter doesnt want me to travel anywhere by myself but i know i will some day soon.  it has been so long since i have been camping. this is something my husband and i did together alot and i miss it so much.  I miss him just thinking about it.   i've recently moved into a new home and have alot to do here and that keeps my mind off of remembering. ive moved several piles of rocks twice, not on purpose, but i cant always think ahead to not make the mistake in the first place. i figure, i must be getting into shape with all this digging. i love a vegetable and herbal garden and have been digging out the sod and rocks to get it ready. i really am getting tired of rocks though, they're heavy. by the end of my day i am exhausted, sometimes ready for bed and sometimes not. sometimes it is hard just getting through the day without crying at some point. there were so many things my husband did that i was never aware of. just the normal living stuff you dont even think about until you have to do it yourself and dont really know how.  i look up alot of stuff on the internet. there is a site called ehow how to do just about anything. this has helped alot, but, there are still things i have to rely on others to help me with. i guess we just have to persevere - keep going. i know my "hubby" and my mom are in heaven, i think the hardest part is living here without them.  i dont know what the future will bring either, but i hope god has something in mind, cause i dont know why im here. thank you for writing me. it helps.
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Julie,I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time and that your daughter is treating you this way.Maybe you need to sit with her alone and tell her how you feel,she may not relize you are having such a rough time.I had to do this with my nephew who was and still is like a son to us.I told him this is not about you it is about me. As hard as it is sometime to come to this site and see all the new people and hear their stories and know what they are going through for me at almost 2 yrs. I still have the need to come here every day.Maybe you should visit us more often to let your feelings out Hugs

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