It has only been less than 2 months since the loss of my husband to Cancer in July 2015 and my feelings are still all over the place. I bounce back and forth between so many emotions, sadness, guilt, anger and I never know day to day what it will bring.
I have had a few moments of clarity where I think we are going to make it, we can do this, we are going to be OK. These moments are brief and then I seem to head backwards into days where I am back to the horrible raw beginning of this pain and how will I ever get through this?
Has anyone else had these feelings of hope and despair and bouncing back and forth between them?
Jeannie - I tell people all the time that there are times when I am sure I will make it and then there are times when I am sure I will not. You and I are new to this grief thing and having all of these kind souls here to listen and lend support really does help.
I was in a meeting this morning and a man in the meeting was wearing a small brace on his arm for tendonitis and all I could think while sitting there was "I remember when Tom's tendonitis was our worst problem" and the tears started streaming down my face right there in the meeting!
I think our moments of "we can do this" will start to come more and more often ......
Prayers for strength and peace......
Oh Jeannie this is so new and so raw for you still. I'm sure everyone would agree that we have been there and 17 months in for me some days still feel like the beginning for me. I think I have a very long way to go and talking to the other Angels I am sure that I do. But you have found a wonderful group here they are so loving and giving and have such big warm wonderful hearts that I am sure you will find comfort here, they have lifted me several times. So stay and make yourself at home. Love & prayers Hugs () I haven't quite got the hang of them yet.
Just wanted to say goodnight and love and prayers to all of our special family before signing off, take care of yourselves until next time. Linda B.
Linda B ... I am sure all of us have had those up and down days where one day we think we're finally going forward, but something triggers a good cry or feeling down and depressed not to mention fear of what the future holds for us. It's been 4 1/2 years since Ernie passed away and I can still have some of those bad days, but they become less and less. The other dear members on here have pretty much said everything and now you can none of us are that much different from each other when it comes to grieving.
What you are going through is very normal. Some of us don't go through all the emotions or we go through them at individual times, but it's a must going through grief to get through the heart-wrenching loss. I know it doesn't seem fair to you right now, but you are NEVER going backwards, but forwards. Every time you cry it's only a relief emotion and actually relaxes your mind and body. I find going for walks or exercising really helps me a lot.
Believe that your dear one is there with you and giving you strength. I found throughout the hell of grief that I grew stronger, more humble, appreciated people more and tell my family and friends more often I love them whether they think to say it back to me or not. Sometimes I'm hurt by some of them and I know they mean well so I'm working hard on forgiveness. I can still get very angry at Ernie for leaving me and having to go through this even though it's certainly not his fault and I was angry at God for taking him and couldn't figure out why and now I know I'll never get an answer to that question.
Just as Steve gave an example of how certain things can set us off no matter how much time has passed when Ernie first passed away I was in shopping and went by the gluten-free aisle and I use to have to buy gluten-free products for Ernie and I just burst into tears. It's raw grief and our minds are resting so to speak so we can be set off very quickly, but trust me hon, this too shall pass. You're very normal in your grief so lean on us.
Hugs (because you need them)
Just knowing that all of you are out there and have felt or are dealing with the same feeling brings comfort in knowing that you " get it". As much as my family and friends are amazing and supportive, there are things that I just don't say as I know they really won't understand it. The people on here do.
I have had such moments of losing it at the grocery store for the reason that I was bagging the groceries and it occurred to me I had not done that in such a long time, he went with me an always took care of that and then having a complete meltdown when the tractor would not start. He always took care of the yard in such a meticulous manner, it was his thing and I never had to worry about it. Now I WANT to do it as I know how he likes it done and it gives me peace to know I am doing it for him.
I am beginning a group grief session at our local Hospice tomorrow and hoping I can connect with more people locally that also GET IT.
BIG HUGS to all :)