I am having a really hard time dealing with my spouse of 34 years. I was 25 when we got married and knew it was right from the first time we meet. I lost him 3 weeks ago and don't know where to turn for support. I have recording of his voice I listen to over and over, but it just makes me safer knowing I will not see that man that matches that voice again. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost, it has been a blur the death, planning the service, notifying organizations and agencies. Now, I'm alone and the quiet is deafening! It is so hard laying in the bedroom that we shared for so many years alone. I turn and see him lying there for almost a week while he was passing and all the family and friends coming by to pay their respects. How do I lay here anymore without those images in my mind? I'm sorry, I'm just lost and don't know where to turn. I'm going to really dark places I don't want to go to, cause I've been in that place before (when my 24 yr old brother was murdered) and it's a horrible place to be. Im reaching out this time which I did not with my brother and i almost lost my life because of it.
I guess I just want to know is this unsure thinking is normal after such a horrible loss. He was my rock!!!
I'm just so loss!!!

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My wife of 33 years passed away a year and a half ago. I still have times when the loss still is so painful. I got some help from classes at Hospice -- classes or groups made up of other widows and widowers. Hospice also offered me individual sessions with a therapist. Even though you husband may not have passed away under Hospice care, I believe Hospice can still offer you some kind of help. I also got help from antidepressants prescribed my doctor.  Try to go out, spend time with friends or make new acquaintances. Especially helpful will be those who have also lost their spouses.Your loss is still so fresh. Gradually as time goes by, it will hurt less. Know that you are not alone in your pain.

Richard Gordon
Sorry for your loss of your wife also. We were married anout the same amount of time...it was more then half my life. I know mine is still so fresh is the main reason I am having such a hard time not knowing what to do. Yes, he did pass under hospice care. Almost to the day 1 year ago he had a traumatic truck accident about 1/8 of a mile down the road from our house and was on life support for a very long time, in numerous hospitals and nursing homes and his health just gradually declined. So, thank you I will check into the Hospice Group that he had. I pray you are right and it gets a little easier, because at the moment it don't feel like it will ever get better. I'm in the house we lived 30 of our 34 years together and every inch is a memory, bedding and cutse...it feels like. Thank you for listening Richard.
I'm glad I found this site. Patty
Meant House is Blessing and Curse. fingers too fat...lol

Reach out for professional help as I have done and continue to do nearly two years after my beloved wife passed away. For several months, I saw a therapist at Hospice. I have met weekly for lunch with friends I met during support group meetings at Hospice. I also get help from a doctor along with antidepressants he prescribed. I made a special effort to make new friends through my church -- friends that I see almost daily. One of the best things I can do is see a friends(s) just about every day. Fortunately, I have adult children and grandchildren I have tried to develop a closer relationship with.

I have gotten more involved in my hobby -- photography -- that includes joining a photography club. If you have a hobby, I suggest you get more involved in it -- or try to develop a new hobby. 

I have photos of my wife all around my house, and they make me happy because they help to make me feel closer to her. But if listening to the recording of your husband's voice over and over again make you feel more depressed -- then I suggest you discontinue listening to them.

These are my suggestions, coming from a person that is has no formal training in giving such help, only my own experience of struggling with my own loss. But perhaps the best help you will find is from those who have experienced and managed to survive a similar loss of a beloved spouse.

 After only three weeks, your loss is still overwhelming, but your sadness, depression will get better with time, and some day you will actually find yourself smiling and even reaching out to help others who can benefit from your support.


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