Blessings in the time of grief

A few weeks ago I listed some of the hardest things to deal with when losing a spouse (at least from my birds eye view). Now I'd like to list some of the blessings that have come my way that really have been helpful.

1. Friends and family who come over to just sit and let you share from your heart - not using your home as a place to just congregate after your spouse died.

2. Those who continue to send cards or notes of encouragement.

3. Family willing to help with yard work, stacking wood, etc.

4. Those who brought food over (even though it was a bit overwhelming it sure helped in feeding the masses that were at my home everyday).

5. An understanding doctor that helped me.

6. A very kind funeral director that helped us work through the funeral arrangements.

7. Finding a grief counselor that has been very helpful.

8. Finding a great support group.

9. Having family and friends pitch in to help with housework, the kids, etc.

10. Having family and friends praying for me.

11. A compassionate banker that helped me with all the financial stuff.

12. My insurance agent who helped me with claim issues and still is helping me.

13. The two pastor's that helped with his funeral.

14. The school teacher that offered to sing and play piano at the funeral.

15. The many unexplained things that have happened that make me feel my husband is still watching over me.

16. Some great books on Heaven - "90 Minutes in Heaven" and "Heaven is 4 Real".

Let's keep adding as you think of others - God bless everyone as you continue to work through this painful experience.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on April 8, 2011 at 11:12pm

Sheryl, thank you for sharing the blessings. So many of us have had the bad experiences and have forgotten that blessings came too. I was very grateful for dear friends. And for the dear friends here..

Permalink Reply by Marlena on April 9, 2011 at 8:05am

Sheryl,

There are so many blessing that do come our way in our time of grief...the problem is we are soooo deep in sorrow it is hard to truly see them. Thank you for reminding us that although we are broken and in more pain than we ever thought we could possibly feel, there is good in our lives, too. We just need to pay a little extra attention to the small blessings that come our way.

Everyone here has been a major blessing in my life...you have all held me when I was ready to crumble...so, thank you all for being one of my many blessings.

Hugs to all!

Permalink Reply by Christy on April 9, 2011 at 8:40pm

Sheryl,

You are indeed blessed. I am also, but I cannot claim all of those you have listed. I am truely blessed by all of you here at Legacy. I have met new dear friends at my church who are so encouraging & accepting of my current crazy state. I have come out of my shell- I am a self confessed box turtle & I am extending myself to others through the grief support outreach I am doing in my area. That has been a blessing & I see God at work. :-) My son has begun attending church with me- kindof taking over Larry's spot, which I am so thankful for. It has been about 10 yrs since he attended! Various people have come forward and embraced me, and are extending themselves to me, trying to get me out of the house & active. One lady works for the City of Atlanta & although initally she made contact because it was her job, she has become a true friend & stays in regular contact. Her brother was killed at a young age in a work related accident similar to Larry. Perhaps the biggest blessing came right after Larry's funeral when my sister in law admitted that she had played a role in my brother/her husband being detached from my family for the past decade. She apologized & a result of us coming together for Larry's funeral & her seeing the love my family shares, the ill feelings & so forth have been mended. It is nothing short of a small miracle & HUGE BLESSING! Yes, there is a silver lining~ Christy

Permalink Reply by Sheryl McCormick on April 9, 2011 at 8:53pm

How beautiful Christy - I know God promises to carry us if we will bring our burdens to Him and cast our care upon Him. He uses many of His children to help us carry our load of grief and I have forever been amazed that He does indeed find a way to bring something good from a very bad situation as you have so beautifully shared. I pray that each of us can be blessed with encouragement today in some way to help us all know that we are not alone - there are those who care and a God who loves us and wants to carry us through this road that seems never ending. Sheryl

Christy said:

Sheryl,

You are indeed blessed. I am also, but I cannot claim all of those you have listed. I am truely blessed by all of you here at Legacy. I have met new dear friends at my church who are so encouraging & accepting of my current crazy state. I have come out of my shell- I am a self confessed box turtle & I am extending myself to others through the grief support outreach I am doing in my area. That has been a blessing & I see God at work. :-) My son has begun attending church with me- kindof taking over Larry's spot, which I am so thankful for. It has been about 10 yrs since he attended! Various people have come forward and embraced me, and are extending themselves to me, trying to get me out of the house & active. One lady works for the City of Atlanta & although initally she made contact because it was her job, she has become a true friend & stays in regular contact. Her brother was killed at a young age in a work related accident similar to Larry. Perhaps the biggest blessing came right after Larry's funeral when my sister in law admitted that she had played a role in my brother/her husband being detached from my family for the past decade. She apologized & a result of us coming together for Larry's funeral & her seeing the love my family shares, the ill feelings & so forth have been mended. It is nothing short of a small miracle & HUGE BLESSING! Yes, there is a silver lining~ Christy

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on April 10, 2011 at 4:52pm

Excellent, excellent, excellent idea, Sheryl! What we miss is only _one_ aspect.....there are blessings as well....

17. The husband-wife prison ministry team who have invited me to dinner every week since Byron died, and do not squirm or become uncomfortable if I talk about him

18. The Bereavement Counselor at the hospice that took care of Byron - he visited me 1-2 times a month for the year after Byron's death, and it was very, very helpful

19. Byron's Baby Brother David and his family, who have kept in touch

20. My sister Yasmin in New Jersey, a Critical Care Nurse, who answered all my questions when he was in the hospital, and told me what to expect. She came to Byron's Memorial Dinner, and has been a real help

21. **** WARNING: HIGH GEEK CONTENT (ha) *****: The Evil Empire of Redmond, Washington (aka Microsoft), Incredibly Big Machines of Armonk, New York (aka IBM), Bill Hewlett and David Packard of Palo Alto, California (aka Hewlett-Packard), Lawrence J. Ellison (CEO, Chairman, Oracle Corporation of Redwood Shores, California (and owner, also of Sun Microsystems...)) - all of these and their relational databases and/or operating systems kept me so busy at times that I had some relief from mourning........ **** END OF HIGH GEEK CONTENT ******

22. The Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus (aka Byron Raymond Perkins, Psy.D, beloved husband, friend, lover, and too many other things to list) - 2-3 months after he died, and I was sitting in the Stater Brothers parking lot, bawling, and deciding that I wanted to simply die - I strongly believe that God allowed Byron to speak to me and he told me that I was and always would be his queen, that he loved me forever, that he was sorry for all I had to go through, and that I had to promise him that I would keep living and not die. So, I have, even though there were (and still are) those times when I want to give up - but I promised him I wouldn't

Peace, grace, healing and comfort be upon you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Sheryl McCormick on April 10, 2011 at 8:43pm

Wow Yaca - I totally agree with you and especially find #22 amazing. I have had the same experiences with feeling like Dave keeps reassuring me that I am going to be okay, I am not alone and that it will not be long and we will be together again. I have other similar experiences but I have been a little apprehensive to share them. My grief counselor has said these experiences are truly real and that she has heard so many similar stories from others who have lost a spouse. I feel so much comfort reading that you too have had this blessing.

Sheryl

Yaca Attwood said:

Excellent, excellent, excellent idea, Sheryl! What we miss is only _one_ aspect.....there are blessings as well....

17. The husband-wife prison ministry team who have invited me to dinner every week since Byron died, and do not squirm or become uncomfortable if I talk about him

18. The Bereavement Counselor at the hospice that took care of Byron - he visited me 1-2 times a month for the year after Byron's death, and it was very, very helpful

19. Byron's Baby Brother David and his family, who have kept in touch

20. My sister Yasmin in New Jersey, a Critical Care Nurse, who answered all my questions when he was in the hospital, and told me what to expect. She came to Byron's Memorial Dinner, and has been a real help

21. **** WARNING: HIGH GEEK CONTENT (ha) *****: The Evil Empire of Redmond, Washington (aka Microsoft), Incredibly Big Machines of Armonk, New York (aka IBM), Bill Hewlett and David Packard of Palo Alto, California (aka Hewlett-Packard), Lawrence J. Ellison (CEO, Chairman, Oracle Corporation of Redwood Shores, California (and owner, also of Sun Microsystems...)) - all of these and their relational databases and/or operating systems kept me so busy at times that I had some relief from mourning........ **** END OF HIGH GEEK CONTENT ******

22. The Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus (aka Byron Raymond Perkins, Psy.D, beloved husband, friend, lover, and too many other things to list) - 2-3 months after he died, and I was sitting in the Stater Brothers parking lot, bawling, and deciding that I wanted to simply die - I strongly believe that God allowed Byron to speak to me and he told me that I was and always would be his queen, that he loved me forever, that he was sorry for all I had to go through, and that I had to promise him that I would keep living and not die. So, I have, even though there were (and still are) those times when I want to give up - but I promised him I wouldn't

Peace, grace, healing and comfort be upon you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on April 14, 2011 at 9:10pm

You are fortunate that you have such good family and friends. My family and friends have decided that it is time for me to snap out of it and move on. Most of my friends I dont hear from and my family is few and far between in contacting me. I did have a wonderful funeral director and found a great financial planner who has been helping me financially and emotionally. I hope you have continued blessings in your life and your pain eases everyday.

Renee

Permalink Reply by Sheryl McCormick on April 14, 2011 at 10:07pm

How long has it been for you Renee? I know my family and friends aren't in contact like they were initially. Life gets so busy and people have good intentions I think but get distracted. It has been just over 5 months for me. Our youngest son and my grandchildren live with me. My daughter in law passed away 5 1/2 years ago after surgery so we had our son and grandchildren move in with us to help them. The grandchildren both have Cystic Fibrosis so it is a lot of work to keep them healthy and I get them around for school every morning and then go to work. It is a lot of work but they also bless me with many hugs. They were with my husband in the accident - amazingly they were not hurt. Grieving is painful and some days are just the pitts for me... It is easy for others to forget that we have a deep wound inside our hearts that is breaking and they will never know what it is like until they face the same type of loss. That is why this site is so good - we do understand each other's pain. May God bless you Renee! Sheryl
Renee Semo said:

You are fortunate that you have such good family and friends. My family and friends have decided that it is time for me to snap out of it and move on. Most of my friends I dont hear from and my family is few and far between in contacting me. I did have a wonderful funeral director and found a great financial planner who has been helping me financially and emotionally. I hope you have continued blessings in your life and your pain eases everyday.

Renee

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on April 14, 2011 at 10:39pm

Cheryl,
It will be 10 months for me on Monday. Frank died last June 18th from cancer. He was only 48years old and we have 3 children (my youngest is 12). Thank you for your kind words. God Bless you too. You are a special person to be taking care of your grandchildren as well. You look at the cup as half full..that in itself is a blessing.
Renee

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on April 15, 2011 at 11:10am

Sheryl, You are so right we sometimes get so absorbed in our grief that we forget about our blessings.
I also had a great funeral director who really cares about people's feelings and didn't make it all about money.

I found this site with such a wonderful and caring group of friends.

I have a sister-in-law that calls me everyday and is always there when I need her.

I have a beautiful daughter and son-in-law who live with me and have been here to help get me out of the house so I don't become a hermit.

I work with some great friends who are very understanding and willing to give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it.

I am also blessed with the memories of 39 wonderful years that I spent with the love of my life.

May God continue to bless and keep each of you.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on April 17, 2011 at 11:11pm

23. Those who advocate for me and who really know and understand what I'm going through and help me to fight my battles...for which I am filled with gratitude. (The ones I am thinking of I feel deep within me that God has placed them in my path to help me personally.)

24. Those who unfortunately, but with care, read my posts, listen with their hearts, understand because they are in sorrow too, and help me know that they really care which I am forever thankful.

25. Once in a while, when someone who I thought would never "get it" says to me 'I know what you mean how everyone has their own personal experience with sorrow.' This makes all the difference to me.

God bless.

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on April 18, 2011 at 1:24am