Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by diana ribbenthrop on April 1, 2015 at 4:29pm

Migual  So sorry    This is all normal   . Your  grief  is new and raw   Give yourself time   Pain  will  lessen   over time but  not go away  entirely . .Its been 5 yrs for me and I miss  my sweetie each day   The sobbing, out of control feelings  are  over .  Memories are bitter sweet but  so precious. .  The closer you were,  the more you grieve .

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on January 1, 2016 at 12:29pm

That is so true. In fact, I actually got some mail addressed to Kris just a couple of weeks ago. Now I've moved twice since I lost her and was briefly homeless. I still don't know how that occurred.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Seymour on April 1, 2015 at 5:38pm

I feel your pain, I feel like I am erasing his presence on this earth.  My husband passed away on 1/26/2015, I have had to close everything that involved our small construction company.

Permalink Reply by Rolland Wood on April 1, 2015 at 5:50pm

Miguel, Believe me I know what your going through, this June will be two years since I lost my dear wife Janice in death. All the rudimentary issues such as closing accounts, finalizing banking,credit,etc. Feels like hey I lost the most important person in my life, this is only added torture and is a reminder of the person I lost, as If I needed one. The only advice I can offer is 'Slow Down' take time to connect to your self,and your feelings, don't allow yourself to be pushed into hasty decisions. I personally had to embrace my own grief to be able to gain control of my life. Here's wishing the best results for you at this tough time Miguel. Rolland

Permalink Reply by Dorothy Facciponte on April 1, 2015 at 6:47pm

Miguel, I am so sorry for your loss.  No words can ease the pain you are feeling right now.  Just know that what you are feeling is very normal.  Your wife will never be erased from your life as long as you carry her in your heart.

I lost my husband in June 2014 and my guilt feelings were overwhelming.  I didn't want to take his name off anything, but of course I had to.  Now it's almost 10 months later and I'm doing a bit better, not great but better.  My faith has helped me as well.  If you are a praying person, pray to God and ask Him to help you.  God bless you!

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on April 3, 2015 at 4:11am

Miguel ... My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear wife. As Jane P said it so well and we all have to go through this unpleasant red tape because it's the law, but remember this ... your beloved wife's name can be taken off paperwork, but not erased from your heart.  I believe you feel more sad than guilty because taking their name off of paperwork puts us into a state of reality that they are really gone and that hurts the worst during fresh grief.  I admit I cried when I had to take my husband's name off paperwork and also mail companies to inform him of his death as well as attach his death certificate.  It bothered me he'd worked so hard and for a bit I felt a little guilty, but soon realized it was just proving to me he was really gone.</p>
<p>Your dear wife is not lost at all because the memories of her are in your heart and always will be and she has left 'imprints' of good memories with family and friends so she will never be forgotten. What you are going through Miguel is very normal and like many of us our spouse's presence is in our homes where we lived our lives with them and we hold so much of them close to our hearts.  Whether you do believe this or not I always felt my husband's spirit close to me and I knew he was there through the tough times.  Just as he would want me to be well looked after so would your beloved wife so you are not doing anything behind her back.  This feeling will leave you eventually as it has for at least me.  I have kept some of my husbands clothing and other articles because they are precious to me and no one can take that away from any of us.

 Please keep coming back to the forum and just express what you feel (you are doing so well already) and all of us will be there for you guiding you through this agony of grief.  Our loss will remain, but the intensity will lessen when it is time for you to get on with your life and only when YOU feel it's time.

Marsha

Miguel ... My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear wife. As Jane P said it so well and we all have to go through this unpleasant red tape because it's the law, but remember this ... your beloved wife's name can be taken off paperwork, but not erased from your heart.  I believe you feel more sad than guilty because taking their name off of paperwork puts us into a state of reality that they are really gone and that hurts the worst during fresh grief.  I admit I cried when I had to take my husband's name off paperwork and also mail companies to inform him of his death as well as attach his death certificate.  It bothered me he'd worked so hard and for a bit I felt a little guilty, but soon realized it was just proving to me he was really gone.

Your dear wife is not lost at all because the memories of her are in your heart and always will be and she has left 'imprints' of good memories with family and friends so she will never be forgotten. 

What you are going through Miguel is very normal and like many of us our spouse's presence is in our homes where we lived our lives with them and we hold so much of them close to our hearts.  Whether you do believe this or not I always felt my husband's spirit close to me and I knew he was there through the tough times.  Just as he would want me to be well looked after so would your beloved wife so you are not doing anything behind her back.  This feeling will leave you eventually as it has for at least me.  I have kept some of my husbands clothing and other articles because they are precious to me and no one can take that away from any of us.

Please keep coming back to the forum and just express what you feel (you are doing so well already) and all of us will be there for you guiding you through this agony of grief.  Our loss will remain, but the intensity will lessen when it is time for you to get on with your life and only when YOU feel it's time.

Permalink Reply by Miguel on April 4, 2015 at 10:50am

I would like to express my deep thanks for all of the comforting words that were in reply to my issues.  It helps to put my own feelings in perspective knowing that I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings.

Miguel

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth C on April 8, 2015 at 7:32am

Miguel, I can relate, i just lost my husband January 1, 2015. I am feeling the same thing, I went to have his phone turned off today and I felt like I was deleting him from life, I had to rationalize that I am actually being practical and responsible although my feelings say otherwise. I have had many, many of these thoughts, probably daily for the past three plus months. It's that we now only have their stuff so we emotionally attach to it because they are no longer here and we miss them so. This is a very normal feeling, you are just doing what you need to, and that is what she would want you to do. When I struggle with thoughts like these I think, if it were me who died, what would I want my spouse to do? She would want you to live on and be happy. With faith in Jesus Christ I will pray for you. God bless.

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Murphy on July 19, 2015 at 11:10am

I lost my husband November, 2013. It is disturbing to have to start charging everything in our former life. I was having a horrible time getting myself together for going back to work and a co-worker talked me into going to an actual grief counseling group. I didn't realize that I needed to go. It got me out of the house talking to someone. I found that those strangers were the ones who could accept my pain because they understood like no other. I have not changed the utilities to my name but I did go to probate court about the house. I got a letter in the mail last week from a lawyer in New York wanting the estate to pay a bill after all this time. No mention of the client, how much was owed, and no address for the lawyer. Turns out to be a scam. I cried to think that someone would try to extort money from me because I am vulnerable.  Grief counseling showed me that my life ended the moment my husband took his last breath and my new life began. I have learned a lot about me physically and mentally. I am learning to love the new me. I wish you peace with your new life.

Permalink Reply by DJ on December 7, 2015 at 11:53pm

I feel exactly as you describe. My wife died 2013 Feb; I have only done the bare minimum because each step is so painful. My head says I have to, my heart just won't let me.

Permalink Reply by Vickey on January 12, 2016 at 5:52pm

I totally understand what you mean....I am going through similar times and each time I do it...it hurts so much inside.