My computor knowledge is limited & I'm often frustrated by not knowing how to make it work right. This site seems to have several ways to post messages & I feel like I want to say things sometimes & don't know which way, if any, is the "correct" way. Stuff like " Friend, Twiter, Share, Facebook" and more are just words to confuse me. I have used computors some & even took a class, but so often that machine doesn't do what I want. Why have I had to redo my password several times? Why does it look like I'm not seeing all the posts? (I saw "last entry 4 hours ago", yet the last post was 13 hrs ago. What gives?)
I signed up for 2 online college classes. I'd been trying to continue my effort to get a degree that I'd started before Dave died last April 1st. I thought it might help me move forward. Did I make a mistake and just throw away the money? I keep having trouble getting motivated and thinking clearly enough to do the work when I get feeling too depressed and thinking of Dave. I'm slowly getting more behind on the work. If I could really apply myself, it may still be possible to suceed in these classes. But I've got to pick up the pace. And tonight, like several other times, my problems with computors is also getting me more behind. Then I get depressed and crying and thinking of Dave. If he were here he'd be helping me with the computor and encouraging me that I could do this. But he's not here with me any more so I just cry alone and struggle. I'm still staying with my daughter & her family(not wanting to be alone) and she & her husband help some, but they are busy with their own activities too and can't always help. The classes are at the college where we lived before Dave got sick and if I were there I'd be at the tutor center geting help, but I can'tdo that from here. I questioned all summer if I should do this and finally decided to register for the classes. Now I wonder if I did it too soon and I may either loose the money I spent or fail the classes and either way I feel like a failure. I wish I could hear Dave's encouragement and just have him hold me a long time.
I'm also planning to move to a different house soon , to continue staying with my daughter & family(we can't stay together at the curant apt). Moving has always been a major stress too. Again, Dave could put up with me about that. My daughter & her husband may be less patient.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have just kept an empty scedule with lots of time to just cry and write in my journal.I hope all this doesn't sound rediculous. I've got a real insecurity struggle sometimes. Dave had a way of helping me with that too.