I've been diagnosed with severe depression.  Anyone else out there?  I have an appt. tomorrow for meds and although I don't want to take more meds, I am half way welcoming some relief through medication.  The thought of living on meds for a long time is something I never liked and after seeing how heavily they kept my husband medicated for 11 months is like another nightmare.  I'm torn that it's sort of a relief that I found out why I was crying so much and no hope, but at the same time, I don't want to go that route.  After being tested yesterday, I realized I have probably been this way for quite a while. 

 

Again, just something else to add to my unfamilar life right now.  I hate to sound, "poor me", but I feel enough is enough.

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I have had major depression and have taken medications for years.  I stopped my medication when George died in September (not a good time to do that!) because I just forgot to take it for days at a time.  I was doing pretty well without it until the holidays.  I restarted it on New Years Eve when I was so down that I couldn't get anything at all done and couldn't even get dressed or move out of my chair or bed.  I felt better within 10 days although it can take up to 6 weeks to get the full effect from antidepressants.  I don't feel drugged or sedated.  I am able to function now and my thinking is much clearer.  Once they find the correct medication for you, you will feel much better.  I still have my moments when I am sad and cry but that is a normal part of grief.  I feel more in control now than I did.  Most people who take antidepressants only need them to help them "over the hump" and can often get off of them in 6 months so I wouldn't worry right now that you are going to be on them the rest of your life.  I am a health care professional and have treated many people with antidepressants and they are always amazed at how "normal" they feel and how much better they function once they are on the correct medication.

Good luck and trust your doctor.   A lot of people need a little "help" to get through this horrible experience.

Hugs,

Charlotte

Thanks Charlotte.  I don't want to be dependent on meds.  I am in tears now due to trying to get back "home" where I feel I belong.  I can't find housing that I can afford.  My husband and I lived in Mission Viejo CA for over 40 years and I need to be back where I feel I belong. 

 

A big part of my depression is feeling at home.  My daughter and SIN are wonderful to have taken me in, but I want to just go home. 

We moved to Michigan from California and I know housing costs there are very high.  I'm having trouble getting the State of California to start my husbands pension.  It is so unfair that we have to deal with all of these financial stressors while we are so grief-stricken.  The antidepressants have at least given me the energy to deal with the bureaucracy and creditors.  My daughter and her children are living with me in our home.  So, although I'm home, it doesn't feel totally like my home.  Sometimes I'd like to be here by myself but then I think living alone would be hard too.  I guess what I really want is George and my old life back and that isn't going to happen.  And that is so darned hard to accept!

Hugs,

Charlotte

You sound just like me.  I want my old life back and I am trying to accept that it's not going to happen.  I feel that if I accept it, then my husband will be forever gone.  And I don't want to face that.  My husband was born in Detroit and came out to California right after graduating from college.  It was love at first sight for  me, not him, but close and that was 50 years ago.  I have no other life.  I don't want any other life.  As I posted on another discussion group.  I want to get back to my "normal" and I do know that's not going to happen and it hurts.  I would live with my daughter in Mission Viejo if she can find a place that could hold all of us, but it's expensive.  I just don't know what to do.  I am absolutely lost right now. 

 

Good luck with getting his pension.  I had to wait 6 weeks, but I lost 1/2 our income when he passed and that is what is hurting where I want to live now.  It wasn't a lot to begin witih, but 1/2 was too much.   

I am sorry to hear this Susan.  I have just started navigating this site so not familiar with your story.  When was your lose?  Like that really matters anyway because when you hurt you hurt and it shouldn't matter how long.  It is your grieving and you must do it in your time.  I started a bereavement support group through Hospice in my area and today was my second visit.  I didn't want to go but I did and today was better.  There were some women closer to my age and this really helped.  I know this is not for everyone, have you tried that yet?  I hope you get the relief you are looking for at the doctor tomorrow.

Diane

Susan, I have been on antidepressants since my son went to heaven without them I would have taken my life the pain is and was unbearable so....try what the doc has to offer  ask questions and tell him you don't want narcotics...to addicting

Diane, my husband passed on October 26, 2011 after a 11 month illness from complications from diabetes.  We were married what would have been 48 years this coming June.  It's like someone has ripped out my heart.  I don't know how anyone goes on?  I can't see any relief.  I joined Grief Share and tomorrow night is my 3rd visit.  I think it helps, then I get home and cry all night.  Same with the psychologist.  I walk out of his office after crying through the session, get into my car and can't drive until I stop crying. 

 

Thanks Julie.  I will make sure they aren't addictive.  I wondered about that.  I'll add that to my question list. 

 

Prayers to you all for some relief from this sad sad time in our lives. 

 

Love Sue

 

 

 

 

susan: my george passed away 3/1/09 i still get depressed i just lie in bed and do nothing just staring at anything. i tried pills but with all my medication i did not take them. i tried once or twice but they did nothing for me. i am not always depressed i just get in the mood once and awhile especially when i think about what we had and when i hear certain songs example the song with celeion dion because you loved me this song i had played at the mass i had for george. i have family but i do not let on to them what i am feeling because i do not want to bother them with my problems.i understand family will support me but i am so so tired of hearing kathy there is nothing you can do george is not coming back sorry i am writing this and tears are starting to fall. again susan go to the doctors get the medication and i hope and pray that it will work for you. stay on this site because all of us are going thru the same thing and we are here for each other. hugs are good

I was told I have severe depression they gave me meds for depression and sleeping pills but both didn't help. The nicest people in this group helped more because it didn't cover it up. I actully got to talk about what I was feeling and that helped more than the meds.

Everyone is different though.  For some, talking is not enough and they need the medication to restore the chemical imbalance that is in the brain.  Once the serotonin and norephinephrine are in balance, the talking can be very beneficial.  It is not a matter of covering anything up but of restoring a balance that has been disrupted, in some people, by the physical stress brought on by grief.  I'm very glad that sharing your story with others was helpful.

Hugs,

Charlotte

I just felt the need to add my thoughts that I feel very fortunate for not taking antidepressive medication although I feel if anyone needs it, there is nothing wrong with taking it.  I was also taking xanax for about 4 months over a year ago but told my pcp I wanted to stop because with me all it made me do was to keep falling asleep.  I figure I felt I had 2 problems I still had anxiety/panic attacks as well as falling asleep.  We each are affected with medication differently I have heard.  I still have anxiety but it doesn't occur regularly any more and it helps me to know that the feeling will go away and it always does.  I believe I will always feel depression for the rest of my life, and so I am learning to live with it.  In about 3 and a half hours from this post it will be the time that my husband breathed his last breath 2 years ago.  At 3:30 a.m. on 1/22/2010 I quietly watched but the nurse pronounced the time when she took his pulse at 5:40 a.m., we had to wait for her to make it official, so that's the time she wrote on the certificate.   When the fog from my brain lifted about a month or so later I realized I never knew it would feel like this.  When he died, so did my spirit for living.  The music died for me, no more celebratory feelings, I just go to visit and be with family, sons, sisters, grandchildren and I have come to believe these moments are just temporary distractions.  I go to bed alone and I wake up alone.  I couldn't get any more depressed even if I tried, but I am going through the motions of life.  I haven't posted because I really feel like I have been all talked out.  Things have changed for me, like the feelings and crying occur less often and are not so intense, but my thoughts have not changed.  I'll stop there, as I have a tendency to keep talking/typing but I know the Lord is always with me.  So, I just wanted to let you know I am keeping you in my prayers.  I so understand how it is and my heart goes out to each and every of you.

God bless,

Suzanne

I too was taking Xanax, it was my husbands but since have gone to the doctor for my own.  I just take a little piece not the entire pill (.05).  This seems to take the edge off but recently stopped.  This past week I have been alone almost for the first time since Laurence was taken from me on June 26, 2011.  I am blessed with wonderful family and friends.  I have been out every single day this past week and it has helped keep my focus on others which really does help me.  Out of 7 days, 5 were spent visiting my Mom's old friends in their new facilities.  One night I even had dinner in their dining room with all the residents and it was really nice.  I felt like a kid!  The odd feelling I also had this week was I didn't feel that overwhelming saddness.  This made me feel sort of strange, guilty and confused.  HOw can that be, I can't be done grieving so what is this.  Maybe I am just too busy right now to give it the time I had in the past to sit and cry.  It is good don't get me wrong but just feels odd.  I am going out again today, a friends for a BBQ and enjoy this warm weather.

Love and hugs to all

Diane

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