Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by nate eustis on March 7, 2013 at 9:02am

Tamu, so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 34 years to Stage 4 LC in Nov. I know exactly how you feel. I have entered Bereavement group at cancer hospital. Of importance we are all in same situation & can cry with one another. I write poems to, about her And try to take one day at a time . It is not easy. My prayers are with you

Permalink Reply by Tamu Lewis on March 7, 2013 at 9:05am

Thank you for the support.

nate eustis said:

Tamu, so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 34 years to Stage 4 LC in Nov. I know exactly how you feel. I have entered Bereavement group at cancer hospital. Of importance we are all in same situation & can cry with one another. I write poems to, about her And try to take one day at a time . It is not easy. My prayers are with you

Permalink Reply by Janice F. on March 7, 2013 at 11:32am

Tamu I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you.  I so know how you feel, losing the other half of you, that's what it feels like.  My other half, Don, just didnt wake up the morning of June 26, 2012, so I am 8 months into this awful journey of grief and pain.  All I can say at this point is just hang on the best you can, try to think of what he would want for you.  We are here if you need to talk, and we all understand, as only those who share your experience can.

God bless, and I hope you find peace in your heart.

Permalink Reply by Tamu Lewis on March 7, 2013 at 11:36am

Thank you so much for your support.

Jan F. said:

Tamu I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you.  I so know how you feel, losing the other half of you, that's what it feels like.  My other half, Don, just didnt wake up the morning of June 26, 2012, so I am 8 months into this awful journey of grief and pain.  All I can say at this point is just hang on the best you can, try to think of what he would want for you.  We are here if you need to talk, and we all understand, as only those who share your experience can.

God bless, and I hope you find peace in your heart.

Permalink Reply by Marge Babenko on March 7, 2013 at 11:50am

I am truly sorry for your loss, I lost my husband of 53 years together 6 months ago. I know exactly what you are going through. I hope you have a good support system. It will be helpful. I have tried everything there is, counseling, church, my doctor, and they were all supportive, and as helpful as they could be. But they don't walk In our shoes. They are not the ones whose whole life has changed in a day. From being a couple, to be content with our life, after going through many bad times, and good together, to have to face the end of life alone, and in disbelief.
I feel like when he died, the best part of me went with him,and what is left is a stranger. Yes, I go through the daily tasks of life the best I can, because people get tired of your saddness. But at this point my only wish is to join him.
I hope you find more strength than I did.
Marge

Permalink Reply by Tamu Lewis on March 7, 2013 at 12:12pm

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty. I am just trying to make it through each day as you said. I have known my husband since I was 12 years old and we were in love back then but not appropriate for either of us at the time. We were 4 years apart, he's my elder. But somehow we always stayed connected until the right time and now knowing that I will never see him ever again until I pass is breaking my heart. I am just thankful that there are individuals that feel the same pain that I am feeling right now and can understand. I am fighting for strength every day. Thank you again so much Mrs. Marge.

Marge Babenko said:

I am truly sorry for your loss, I lost my husband of 53 years together 6 months ago. I know exactly what you are going through. I hope you have a good support system. It will be helpful. I have tried everything there is, counseling, church, my doctor, and they were all supportive, and as helpful as they could be. But they don't walk In our shoes. They are not the ones whose whole life has changed in a day. From being a couple, to be content with our life, after going through many bad times, and good together, to have to face the end of life alone, and in disbelief.
I feel like when he died, the best part of me went with him,and what is left is a stranger. Yes, I go through the daily tasks of life the best I can, because people get tired of your saddness. But at this point my only wish is to join him.
I hope you find more strength than I did.
Marge

Permalink Reply by Corinne Mazerov on March 7, 2013 at 12:41pm

Tamu,  I wish you were here with me.  We would hug and cry together.  I am especially upset for you because you are so young.  Too young to be going through this pain!  My dear husband passed away on Christmas Eve.  I cried so much that my energy level is minus.  Because I am older, I have, unfortuately, friends whose husbands are ill or have passed away.  

  I realize that I need to reinvent myself; and you do ,also.  I am now playing Mah Jongg, a chinese game, once or twice a week.  I started volunteering at a hospital nearby.  I am looking to find subscriptions to musicals , symphony, and theatre.  I hope by the summer, I'll feel up to it.  

A friend of mine, who just lost her husband, went for Chinese food with a friend.  Her fortune cookie said it all.  "The way to combat grief is through motion."  That is so true.  

Please don't beat yourself up about your anger.  He didn't want to leave you.  He is as angry as you are that he's not by your side and cuddling you.  The anger is so common .  My mother-in-law refused to talk to people when Dad died.  Give yourself permission to be angry, swear, be angry even at God.  He can take it.  Force yourself to make a life for yourself.  Join a gym, get a job, make new friends.   Give yourself time.  Take a nap when you feel like it.  Take a walk around the neighborhood.  Invite a neighbor in for a cup of tea or coffee.  Be good to yourself. Know that you'll get through this as I will.  We don't have a choice.

Hugs and prayers, Corinne

Permalink Reply by Tamu Lewis on March 7, 2013 at 1:34pm

Mrs. Corinne I thank you so much for your awesome support. I wish I could hug you and feel your love. I am going to listen to every word that you stated. I acutally went back to work on Tuesday. I am a Psycho-Therapist as a profession but I can't help myself right now. I won't be providing therapy to anyone for a while but at least I am in the space of moving. I find myself crying out of the blue. I miss him so much. He was truly my first love from the first time I met him at 12 years old. I feel so alone and powerless. Anyhow, thank you again.

Corinne Mazerov said:

Tamu,  I wish you were here with me.  We would hug and cry together.  I am especially upset for you because you are so young.  Too young to be going through this pain!  My dear husband passed away on Christmas Eve.  I cried so much that my energy level is minus.  Because I am older, I have, unfortuately, friends whose husbands are ill or have passed away.  

  I realize that I need to reinvent myself; and you do ,also.  I am now playing Mah Jongg, a chinese game, once or twice a week.  I started volunteering at a hospital nearby.  I am looking to find subscriptions to musicals , symphony, and theatre.  I hope by the summer, I'll feel up to it.  

A friend of mine, who just lost her husband, went for Chinese food with a friend.  Her fortune cookie said it all.  "The way to combat grief is through motion."  That is so true.  

Please don't beat yourself up about your anger.  He didn't want to leave you.  He is as angry as you are that he's not by your side and cuddling you.  The anger is so common .  My mother-in-law refused to talk to people when Dad died.  Give yourself permission to be angry, swear, be angry even at God.  He can take it.  Force yourself to make a life for yourself.  Join a gym, get a job, make new friends.   Give yourself time.  Take a nap when you feel like it.  Take a walk around the neighborhood.  Invite a neighbor in for a cup of tea or coffee.  Be good to yourself. Know that you'll get through this as I will.  We don't have a choice.

Hugs and prayers, Corinne

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on March 15, 2013 at 9:38am

Tamu, Anger is definately one of the things we all feel with grief.