Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael Smith on July 27, 2018 at 7:40am

George,

I'm sorry for your loss. You have found a great place because we all have experienced what you are going through. There are really nice people here with lots of love and compassion. Just take it one day at a time, cry when you feel the need. read the posts of people on this site and you will find inspiration. Best of luck to you my friend.

Mike

Permalink Reply by Mary Nola on July 27, 2018 at 10:18am

Grief Cannot Be Rushed
Day 21

Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person’s journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to.

“It’s a process that cannot be rushed,” says Dr. Robert Jeffress. “As a pastor who has dealt with hundreds and hundreds of people who have gone through a loss, I can tell you that it is a process, and it is a longer process than any of us want to believe.

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out.”

Your journey is your own, but you are not alone. Do not be afraid to cry out to God,

“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (Psalm 13:2).

How long, Lord, how long? This tunnel is so dark. Show me Your light. Amen.

Permalink Reply by Mary. Jane on July 27, 2018 at 10:59am

Hello and welcome, George. My name is Mary Jane, and I lost my husband, Bob, to cancer 2 yrs and 4 months ago.

 You have come to a wonderful place. This is a group of amazing people, who understand, in a way that people who haven’t experienced a loss such as ours, don’t understand. You can pour your heart out here, it is a safe and awesome place. I don,t know who I would be, or IF I would be, if I hadn’t found Legacy Connect.  I DIDN,t find it until Bob, had been gone about a year and a half. Actually, if I had found Legacy sooner, I don,t think it would have been as cathartic then, as it took me about 18 months after he died to realize that He was REALLY gone, and not on some long vacation, as my addled brain decided to belief that, instead of facing the truth...

Like you, we are all living with the anguish and pain you are feeling, so we can truly relate to you and each other. We can come here, and write about our pain, loss, anger, share our memories, support each other through milestones, everything. I urge you to read some of the many posts on all the pages on Beraved Spouses, as they show how diverse the people, and the posts can be. Some are hopeful, and peaceful, others may drop you to your knees in pain..which is the beauty of this site. We are there for each other, no matter what. 

Also, here, you have the peace of knowing this site is very private..unlike Facebook or other sites for loss.

Again, welcome...and know you have found friends here. None of us ever imagined we would BE here, but life brought us together, and friendship and caring keeps us here. 

Permalink Reply by George Chavez on July 27, 2018 at 2:30pm

Thank you Mike, Mary and Mary Jane, for your supportive responses. I'm very glad that I found Legacy Connect. My only avenue to date, was texting Sandie's phone (I left it active) to pour out my sadness...all the while knowing I'd never get a response. It helped at those actual moments in time, but those times just still keep coming.

I'll look around and read some posts. Gosh, I can't thank you enough for offering your friendship to someone you don't even know. It's my hope that forging some new friendships with you and other members here will bring me solid and compassionate advice, as well as some eventual smiles and happiness.

Thank you again, <3
G

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on August 1, 2018 at 9:24pm

George.....I'm sorry for the loss that brought you to us but happy that you did find us.  This group has been my savior in dealing with the loss of my husband, Ken.   It's been 2 1/2 years and I don't think I would have made it without my Legacy family.

3 months is such a short amount of time especially compared to the amount of time you and Sandie were together.  My advice would be not to pressure or put time constraints on yourself to heal.  For me, in the beginning I wondered what was wrong with me for not doing better than I thought I should be.  I was only 50 when I lost Ken so none of my friends/family have experienced this type of pain and couldn't understand therefore couldn't provide the support I needed.  Joining this group 2 months in made me realize I wasn't crazy when I saw others posting the same feelings/thoughts I was having.  I know you'll find the same support I have if you stick with us.

Sending you a hug,

Sara

Permalink Reply by George Chavez on August 1, 2018 at 10:10pm

Good evening Sara,
Thank you for your warm welcome. I mentioned in an earlier post that although I may not respond to members posts personally, I do read and draw benefit from them. This group has been very helpful, and I'm glad to have found you all.
It's good to know that I'm not just wallowing in self pity but rather that this heartache just takes time to lessen. My friends and family have tried to be supportive, but no one really understands the loss without having experienced it themselves.

Thank you again for your kind words of encouragement, and that hug... I'll take it :) Have a great evening

Geo

Permalink Reply by DJ on August 3, 2018 at 10:43am

Sorry for your loss; my wife died five years ago.  For me I seemed to be in a fog for the first year, and only this past year have I been able to speak of her without breaking into tears.  I still shed many tears, but at least I can share memories, and I really love it when friends & family do share memories of her.  It's hard for them, as they mistake my tears as pain that I want to go away instead of love leaking out - love that will never go away.  The pearl I offer to you is to follow the main page of Bereaved Spouses; there are many active angels there, and you can follow the progress of all who are in various stages of grief - the path is different for everyone, but we share the same journey.