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Thank you so much for sharing Tereca. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand what you have been through. I am doing my best to take care of myself but sleep is difficult when the person you slept next to all those years is not there any longer. I have been eating alone but infrequently for several weeks and while not enjoyable I realize it is a required function to sustain myself. Things like making a cup of coffee in the morning are hard because I automatically make 2 cups. I have been using the good memories so far but like you said it brings temporary relief until you remember there will be no more of those.
Like your experience the diagnosis and passing came very close together. We had a month period of hospitalization to stabilize her condition but because she was so frail treatment specifically for the cancer was never an option. Other on going health issues played a major role in this too.
I take some comfort in knowing I was able to devote all my time to her these last couple months and know that my presence in her last day made it easier for her. She told me at the beginning of Nov. she was more concerned about what would happen to me after she passed then she was of passing. I know this is true because 1 of her last acts while she had the strength to on Friday morning was to cup my face with her hands, kiss me, and tell me she loved me forever and always.
I feel a certain degree of guilt over my selfishness in not wanting her to pass and lamenting of being alone. My pastor told me this is typical in this case and it is totally acceptable as long as I do not dwell on just that. I am readying myself to go visit some long term close friends for a few days to look at photos and share stories of our good times.
Again Thank You for your kind and helpful words. I hope to find more pleasantries to share with others here as time moves forward to help both myself and others deal with their grief.
Thank you so much for sharing Tereca. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand what you have been through. I am doing my best to take care of myself but sleep is difficult when the person you slept next to all those years is not there any longer. I have been eating alone but infrequently for several weeks and while not enjoyable I realize it is a required function to sustain myself. Things like making a cup of coffee in the morning are hard because I automatically make 2 cups. I have been using the good memories so far but like you said it brings temporary relief until you remember there will be no more of those.
Like your experience the diagnosis and passing came very close together. We had a month period of hospitalization to stabilize her condition but because she was so frail treatment specifically for the cancer was never an option. Other on going health issues played a major role in this too.
I take some comfort in knowing I was able to devote all my time to her these last couple months and know that my presence in her last day made it easier for her. She told me at the beginning of Nov. she was more concerned about what would happen to me after she passed then she was of passing. I know this is true because 1 of her last acts while she had the strength to on Friday morning was to cup my face with her hands, kiss me, and tell me she loved me forever and always.
I feel a certain degree of guilt over my selfishness in not wanting her to pass and lamenting of being alone. My pastor told me this is typical in this case and it is totally acceptable as long as I do not dwell on just that. I am readying myself to go visit some long term close friends for a few days to look at photos and share stories of our good times.
Again Thank You for your kind and helpful words. I hope to find more pleasantries to share with others here as time moves forward to help both myself and others deal with their grief.
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