Truly, how do we go on? How do people expect us to? I feel like I'm only making people angry because I'm not "better" since my husband died just over 6 months ago. Even my family. I am so extremely tired. Tired of trying. Tired of fighting. My husband Jake had a large amount of life insurance, even though he wasn't even 26 yet, and I feel like it's getting in the way of everything. I don't work. I have been a stay at home mom for just about all of the eight years we've had our son. I don't even feel I'm capable of working. I've never been good at that. But regardless, I've loaned out very large amounts of money thinking that Jake would want me to help them. However, now I feel completely taken advantage of and feel they're taking advantage of my husbands death. I loaned my brother $40,000 to get all of his and his wife's debt paid, so they could afford groceries and such. Now they're getting divorced! I made it understandable to everyone that they would have to start paying back after the new year and not one of the three people have made any effort. I feel like I let my son down. My husband. And I feel like a nobody. I just found out that people kept a lot of details of my husbands death from me. And I now know that he suffered tremendously, and I am having an extremely difficult time with that and it's making me so angry. Especially at others. He died in a fire and all I hear is how people hate their lives and nothing goes right. And all I can think of is how bad it was for Jake and just shut up to people, because atleast they have their lives. Jake lost his life, but I also lost mine. He was my life. And I feel completely alone and lost. I have no idea how I'm going to get by. And the worst is, I have no choice but to go on because of our son. But I often wonder if he'd be better off without me. I feel I've let him down and I'm letting my husband down! And I have no idea how to change that. I'm pretty much a failure and people definitely have no trouble reminding me that.