My 45 year old husband died last Tuesday (9/23) in a fire. We still have no answers from the coroner. It's being investigated as a suspicious death. Having lost my father to suicide just three years ago, I'm no stranger to grief, but my husband was supposed to stay with me. We were supposed to be that old couple you see in commercials holding hands and bickering about silly things. He was my rock through my father's death and now I have no rock. I am blessed by the outpouring of support from everyone around me, but that doesn't change the fact that I am left to raise my daughter alone. I'm terrified for her. What happens if something happens to me- because if my husband can die in a fire anything can happen, right? We don't have much family around. I'm here because it helps to know what others are doing to get by. I learned courtesy of my dad to be kind to myself and take it 5 minutes at a time, but a spouse is different- 45 is different- losing my best friend of 25 years is different- having to be in charge of everything is different.
Dear Kim, So sorry for the event that led you to this website, but a warm welcome, and praying that you find peace, at last. Losing a spouse is such a different grief than all others -- give yourself time and permission to grieve -- hold your daughter close -- the way forward is difficult on many, many levels, I will not insult you with false hope that it will be easy -- but, you have found a perfect place to write out your pain, your questions, your discoveries. One day at a time, hon, sometimes minute by minute -- you will make it through.
The coroner called and they still can't give me a cause of death. It's been nearly a week, and we are going to have to wait probably 2 more for toxicology tests to come back because it was a fire but there was also a gunshot wound. I'm so confused and lost and don't know what to think!!
Sorry for your loss Kim...(Psalms 102 :17)
Oh, Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in June of this year. Nothing could have prepared me for the terrible pain this has caused me. I am praying for peace for you and your daughter.
I'm sorry about the loss of your husband. I can imagine the anxiety you are going through waiting for the results of the toxicology tests. I want to share with you a scripture that really has had a lot of meaning for me - I love this scripture because it shows how great of an irony there is in life.
11 I have seen something further under the sun, that the swift do not always win the race, nor do the mighty win the battle,+ nor do the wise always have the food, nor do the intelligent always have the riches,+ nor do those with knowledge always have success,+ because time and unexpected events* overtake them all. 12 For man does not know his time.+ Just as fish are caught in an evil net and birds are caught in a trap, so the sons of men are ensnared in a time of disaster,* when it suddenly overtakes them.
I find it comforting to know that words like these, found in the Bible, show me that God really understands. I remember that when I lost a loved one, someone told me, 'there are no guarantees' in this life. It was a hard lesson to learn. But that applies to this life. But remember that the Bible says that what we live today is not the real life.
1 Timothy 6:18, 19:
18 Tell them to work at good, to be rich in fine works, to be generous,* ready to share,+ 19 safely treasuring up for themselves a fine foundation for the future,+ so that they may get a firm hold on the real life.+
The real life is our hope for the future, for the kind of life that God really wants us to enjoy when we get to Paradise:
Revelation 21: 3,4
3 With that I heard a loud voice from the throne say: “Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his people. And God himself will be with them.+ 4 And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes,+ and death will be no more,+ neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.+ The former things have passed away.”
Your little girl will follow your lead. She will learn from you how to cope with tragedy and be able to go forward in this difficult world.
Awww, Kim, I am so so sorry. :( my prayers are with you. How are you now? Remember that it is okay to cry. Tears are normal.
Kim, I can so relate to what you write here, except that you have the added agony of losing your husband suddenly and in this unexpected manner. I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on August 4, 2014; he was 49 years old. Like you, I have experienced the death of family members before. lost my father many years ago and my mother three years ago. As painful and sorrowful their passing was, the loss of my husband has been much worse. With parents, we know that they will go before us, but with a spouse you expect to get old together. You couldn't have put it more aptly about that old couple in commercials. My husband and I always took it for granted that we would grow old together. Never did we imagine before his diagnosis in 2013, that it would be otherwise. I just couldn't envisage my life without my darling Joseph, and never gave a thought to that possibility. But now he is gone and I face years and years of emptiness, sorrow, and loneliness in front of me. It's so unfair! Why couldn't we go together?
You have my deepest sympathy. Take one day at a time and make baby steps towards healing. My best wishes for yourself and your daughter. -- Trina
Thank you all for your kind words. Some days are better than others. Today was awful as I'm STILL fighting with our insurance company over paying out the money they owe me, and I had to check "widowed" for the first time on a form. I don't feel like a widow. I still feel married. Widows are supposed to be old and wear black all the time.