Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Janice F. on November 27, 2012 at 11:14am

I'm so so sorry for your loss, you must be so raw, only 5 days. I wish I could tell you it will all be OK, but I can't. You will just learn how to live with it, slowly, as time goes on. It has been 5 months since I lost Don, I'm just trying to learn how to live in my new normal, whatever that is. I also have kept some t-shirts of his that still faintly carry his smell, and wear his wedding ring around my neck. The people in this forum truly do understand how you are feeling because we are where you are. I hope and wish for you that you'll be able to find some peace in your heart.

Permalink Reply by sandra lee pirozzi on November 27, 2012 at 10:46pm

i,m so sorry for your loss i know its devastating i too am trying to go on without my husband of thirty years he passed away in june of this year i can't say it gets easier but god is with you. just take one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on November 28, 2012 at 4:28am

Dear Jeannette ...  I am so very sorry at the loss of your dear husband Bruce so early in his life.  My husband Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 from pancreatic cancer.  He was so healthy before then.  I did and still do what you do.  I smell some of his clothes that I kept (gave the other clothing away) and haven't moved anything else of his.  I too want to keep him close to me.  His work jacket is still hanging up in the hallway along with his sneakers. 

The mystery of where our loved ones go and are they OK is a mystery at best, but there are so many good books about the body's soul (spirit) and signs from our loved ones that you can read.  Also talking to a Pastor can help you.  You should also try to get some grief counseling (one on one is best for most.) 

I had a 'Celebration of Life' for my husband and the night before I told my sister-in-law I wasn't going because I couldn't handle it and she said I had to go.  I told her I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to.  Then when the next morning came I felt strangely calm and even at the church I was in a fog and still don't remember much.  I felt like I watching a movie and it wasn't about me or my husband.  You will get through it Jeannette.  You have a right to disappear whenever you choose to; after the service if there is a tea or even at your own home.  People do expect these actions from you.  I still wait for my husband to walk up the driveway after all these months; seen men walking on the street that look so much like him from behind.  I know it just can't be and sometimes I even try to tell myself it's all a terrible joke and Ernie is playing around.  Of course I know rationally this is not true and now I know he is gone until it is time for me to pass away. 

My one dog Tootsie to this day still puts her chin on the bottom of the window sill and stares and stares waiting for Ernie to come home.  It breaks my heart. I often find her in the bedroom and I swear that Ernie has called her in there.  I will go into the bedroom and she is staring over at the bed with ears perked.  I don't have the heart to make her come out of the bedroom. 

Jeannette, you make more sense than you know for all of us have been where you are and there are unfortunately new members on this forum.  We all know how you feel hon.  I'd give everything I own back just to have my husband back.  Grief is a process and it's a bumpy ride, but slowly you will realize just how strong you really are.  When in doubt ask yourself how Bruce would like you to be now.  You have a right to grieve; cry; scream; kick something.  We are all here to help you get through the process of your grieving so I hope you continue to come back.  Say whatever you want because no one here judges you.  When one of us falls down the others circle around to pick that person up and you're included hon. 

Hang in there Jeannette as best you can and try to get some rest if you can.  Just go with the flow and do what you need to do.  Cry as it's a good release for your mind and body and it is exhausting.  Keep friends and family close and choose one friend you know you can talk to and say whatever you want.  Don't forget we are here too.

Big hugs

Marsha 

Permalink Reply by Maureen on November 29, 2012 at 7:09pm

i am sorry to hear that Bruce has passed, especially on Thanksgiving Day.   My husband passed away on Oct 3rd the pain and grief are raw and, at times, intense.  Noone knows or is prepared  to handle such a tremendous loss, you just take it one moment at a time.  Remember all the good memories and times.   I can relate to everything you said, we would like this experience to be a nightmare, wake up and everything is make to "normal".   My heart breaks for you....the group will help you through.......remember there are many others out there that will support you through your grief.

Permalink Reply by cindy j cox on November 29, 2012 at 8:24pm

I'm sorry about for your loss Jeannette. I'm feeling the same pain you are feeling. I lost my husband of 34 years, on September 24th, 2012..The pain sometimes is almost unbearable. He was diagnosed with cancer on August 6th, 2012 and 7 weeks almost to the minute of being diagnosed he passed away. I like you just want him back. I am taking a little vacation in Florida now. I got here on Thanksgiving day..I want nothing to do with any holidays. I was okay for awhile here, but now I want to go home so I can be where we lived together and raised our children..I want to be where my memories are. It is a tough road, but I have faith we will all make it through.With many tears..and the help of the great people here..You will be in my thoughts and prayers..I went to a counselor at  Hospice before I left on my trip and I was telling her I didn't close my husband's e-mail account and I send him e-mail..She said that is really a good idea, to keep doing it..She said how do we know some way somehow he doesn't know about them..I had his wedding band sized to fit my finger and all the prongs around the diamonds and a new diamond put in so it is as good as new and it will stay on my finger until I die. My husband was cremated and I have a beautiful urn for him, it is made from oak and has a cross on it..I just informed my daughter when I pass regardless if I'm cremated or buried I want to be with her dad.Well I'll stop rambling. Stay strong. Somedays are impossible but we manage to get through those days..

Permalink Reply by brenda ortiz on November 29, 2012 at 8:32pm

AWWWW! I am sooo sorry!! This is tooo fresh for you to be alone,, you will need someone with you for awhile,, because the roller coaster of emotions that you are about to go through will be the hardest thing ever!!!! It will be 13 months and I am still a wreck!!!!! Nothing can make me feel better!!!! I just want to die!!! 13 months and I can only say,, this time went by so fast ,, I think its because I still hope that this is a dream and this cant be real!!! I have 3 young boys that make my days go by fast! But i sometimes wish i could just be alone and not do anything but rot!!!!!!!!!!  You just do what you have to ,,,,, to make it through another day!!!!!!! I SEND YOU A BIGGGGGGGGGGG HUG GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Vee Herrera Michrina on November 29, 2012 at 9:16pm

Dearest Jeanette. I am so so sorry for your loss! and so fresh. I lost the love of my life this year too (April 15, 2012), and we were close for 11 years. I must tell you grief takes at least 1-2 yrs just to accept it or feel a new sense of normalcy (my Hospice counselor told me that). My Barry died in his sleep.

Please sweetie, allow yourself TO FEEL THIS, ALL OF IT! I’ve read and learned that grief cannot be avoided, with a love so deep and so long, you will need to walk right through it! and to me, its an honor to the love--its like the other side of that love; the bitter with the sweet.

I do admit that I try to stay real busy and even with tv to avoid feeling ing. but when I recall themoment I learned of his passing, or that he is gone from this earth, or the any of that...the pain is so deep in my heart. I cry stiil. I have only dreamt him one time. I too, like you, wanted to dream him. 

A Native American lady told me he would send me a message through animal sightings that are unusual and I did get that: a beautiful American Robin perched on my Aspen Tree outside my BR window and then the same week!!! 3 beautiful leaping young deer ran across my path on a busy street in my city--AND IF YOU LIVED HERE, YOU’D BE AMAZED TOO! this busy street  is not known for deer. I truly believe it was a message. 

I have angry feelings too because I want him back, I want every moment back. And then are times I find so much comfort in wearing his jewelry, his picture by my bedside, and doing things we did together. ONLY God can soften this pain....

I know now, we feel like “We dont eve rwant to get over it! it’s like forgettting them” and we wont!! they will be with us and in our hearts forever. 
Please reach out to folks here --we know the pain 

hugs and prayer,s Vee, Colorado