Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on September 5, 2011 at 7:32am

Suzanne, what wrenching words. I take it day by day.sometimes it is in smaller increments. I try not to think about the future without him. I talk about him to anyone who listens. I cry. I remember happy times. I go to work every day. I cry some more. I make myself go places and do things. Sometimes I ask a friends to go with me, sometimes I just go alone. I cry again. Sometimes, I cry in public, and I let the tears fall. I always have tissues with me. Dave died 9 months ago, and some days I feel a shift in myself. I want to let go of the pain and live on the happy memories. Other days, the sadness and pain come out of left field and I am laid low. It is like a roller coaster ride. We are all on this ride. Maybe, one day, the ride will not have such deep lows. I find being here, reading the posts of others helps me to go on. I am not alone. We are all at different stages, and I remember the profound pain and sadness in the beginning. Allow y yourself the time you need to grieve. You will and can go on. Hugs!.

Permalink Reply by Christy on September 7, 2011 at 10:16am

Suzanne I feel the same way. Inwardly it is a miserable life now. Outwardly many things are much the same, although the most significant person in my life is gone. Sometimes I get by just thinking that I'm one day closer to joining him with each passing day. Doctors seem to think this is depression but it's not. I am doing my very best to continue the life we shared as much as I can. I work, go to school and have even started new activities and new friendships. I want to lead a happy, productive life and make him proud, but I miss him with all that I am. I want & need him back more than anything ever in my entire life. You & others like us remain in my prayers & I am so thankful we have this place of support to come to.

Hugs & best wishes today & everyday~ Christy

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on September 8, 2011 at 11:06pm

Hi Maggie and Christy,

Thank you both for your replies and I know we are all in this, it just seems like we are alone but we are not.  You both are inspirational in how you are living your lives.  Once in a while I need to keep in touch.  We all grieve in slightly different ways and for me I feel I need to share what I'm still feeling.  Sometimes I feel like the pain is not so intense.  But then other times I feel that because I am living with the knowledge that he is gone and now that the shock has worn off, I think I am slowly going insane. I still dread being an elderly woman at 95 and still being here without him.  I don't believe it, but I can almost understand others who think that it's this life that is hell.  But I know better.  So, I have to say that I still honestly believe God is getting me from one day to the next plus I have the benefit of coming to these sites and getting the support and compassion from you all here and I feel relief, validated and comforted.  You are both very kind.  I remember you in my prayers as well.  Take care.

God bless,

Suzanne