Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on February 17, 2011 at 12:34pm

Kim, I do know how you feel. i have had times when I have felt that way also. I think there is no reason for me to be here anymore, but i always ask God to give me the strength I need to face another day without Waymon. Next Monday is my husbands birthday and i am dreading it already. But I do know that with God's help I will make it through it like I have all the other special days that have passed since he has been gone. I also can relate to feeling like a third wheel and being envious that they have their spouses and i don't. Kim please do not give up. I'm sure that you have people that love and care about you that would be devastated if something happened to you. Also remember that Jerry would not want you to be miserable and feel like this. Please continue to ask God to strengthen you and I will keep you in my prayers. Anytime you need to vent someone on this site is always here to listen.

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 17, 2011 at 1:15pm

Dear Kim,

Our hearts and prayers go out to you. We know exactly how you feel. I wrote practically the same thing here last week. We are suffering so bad so much of the time and the rest of the world remains clueless. I wish each of us had that privilege. So today is your husbands birthday and I'm hoping that you can take some deep breathes, say a prayer or do whatever you do to clear your head so that you can do something more in line with what you really want which is to celebrate your husband! That's not easy, but if you can shake off your current feelings & focus on celebrating, like you would normally do on someone's birthday, then maybe, just maybe you'll feel better. I hope so. My husband died August 27. 2010 at 38 yrs. old, from an accident at work. I'm still in shock/denial. Valentine's was hard because I wanted to do something to show my love for him, but I felt like a zombie & couldn't think or do anything. Then I managed to get a grip on myself, got a simple idea & carried out my plan. I felt so much better. I still cry, have trouble breathing at times, sleep & appettite is nonexistant,... but, I know I'm here for a reason & it's not to hide away and cry so I keep trying. I hope you keep trying too. You are a beautiful person who loves & is loved deeply. Remember, three things never end, faith, hope and love~ the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

HUGS & Best Wishes,

Christy

 

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on February 17, 2011 at 1:32pm

Kim, I hope the messages these wonderful women have posted has been a help. They are loving women who are suffering as you are. We have all had these feelings and know that they too shall pass, we must let them pass. Each and every first is difficult and I hear from a few here that the seconds and thirds are too but we shall survive them, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Do try to do something to celebrate the love of this wonderful man. Buy him a card, a balloon, something to help you celebrate the love. Write him a love letter. He knows how you are feeling and he wouldn't want you to be suffering so. Please come back often. We want to help you and be here for you.. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on February 17, 2011 at 1:58pm

Dear Kim, all these replies are wonderful from these ladies.  As Kathy just said, try to find a way to acknowledge your love for Jerry on his birthday.   On Valentine's I wrote my husband a poem and set free some balloons. 

As for the reminders, yes they are everywhere, but try to think of the happy times when you were with Jerry at these places.  I do that with my husband Jack, because frankly it would be overwhelming to even not try and do that.  Sometimes I just look the other way as I drive by, or then I think of when we were there, and how wonderful it was and I smile.  Some ways to honor your husband is to work on a memorial book for him, with pictures and stories, do something in his memory, share something.

 

Can you perhaps just go out or do something with one person and not place yourself in situations where it is couples, try and spend time with family, people who can support what you are going through. 

 

Know that Jerry still loves and cares for you Kim.  Keep him in your heart and his love will give you strength.

 

God Bless,

Carol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Kim on February 17, 2011 at 6:49pm

Thank you all for your kinds words and advice. I know the pain of losing a loved one is hard on all of us and there are going to be good days as well as bad days. I think because of Valentines Day and my husbands Birthday all in the same week I just fell apart and lost it today. Plus I have been out of work the last 8 weeks and have had too much time on my hands. Way too much time to think about how my life is right now. Thank god I will be going back to work on Monday. I am really trying to be strong and get through this but it is not always easy, as you all know. God Bless You All!!

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on February 17, 2011 at 9:07pm

Dear Kim,

I really do know how you feel as do we all here.  I have posted the same words as you have during the past year.  I took a step forward at one point and a step back.  I don't have the answers, but all I know is there are millions going through this and somehow they are doing it.  It is so difficult, I hate that this is where I have been taken, and didn't even realize I was going here.  All these memories of 39 years are flashbacks that sting with pain.  I ask God to take care of this, and somehow, I wake every morning, alone, and put one foot in front of the other, do what I need to do and go to bed, alone, every night.  For me, I believe it's God getting me through each day.  If it was me in control, I know I wouldn't be here, but then again, I could never do that either.  Just to let you know, I know everyone is different but it has helped me so much to share my deepest darkest moments with only those I know who 'get it' which are all who are on grief sites and at grief meetings and most therapists.  Just know that we all 'know' your pain and I hope and pray that somehow you are able to manage getting from one minute to the next.  I've heard many times we need to be kind to ourselves.  At the time I heard it I wasn't ready for that advice but that has helped me when I thought back about all the things people say.  If there is anyone who needs kindness it is us.  Take care.  You are in my prayers.

God bless,

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Floss on February 18, 2011 at 5:32am

 

Kim you made me cry, I know how you feel, it is also 8 months since I lost my soulmate, and 4 weeks since my Mum passed away.  I feel so empty, a feeling I cant even explain.  I am seeing a psychologist, and going to counseling.  I have tried so many ways of trying to move forward, but each time it is one step forward, and four step backwards.  I have started on medication, and I will say it is somewhat, starting to help me. I fought so hard not to take anything, but had to give in, as I was feeling just like you.  Please my dear, dont think I am telling you what to do, I still feel that emptyness, aloneness, that nobody seems to understand. I have joined a group called solace, and they are wonderful friends that have lost their spouses. I just wish we could all live together, as they have been there, and have gone through what we are going through. I am here alone, night after night, just on my laptop, and that is my life at present.  I will pray for you, that you will find a way, to get a little help for you. I know it is going to take a long, long, time for me to get back to where I will be free of this grieving, but it is so hard, when you see people so happy, and you are trying to fit in. I want to be with people, all the time, but it is not possible, as they have their own lives. I feel I have been let down big time. I send you love, and big, hugs. Please God take care of my grieving friend. Floss

 

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on February 18, 2011 at 5:25pm

kim, i am so very sorry for the way you are feeling but like everyone else has said to you, we all understand how you feel. i was just telling someone today that i pray every night for God to have mercy on me and take me as quickly as possible so i can join my husband. it will be one year for me on feb. 26th and i feel worse now than i did in the beginning. all the women here have given you some excellent advice and just know that you do have the support of this group.i like you, feel like i have nothing to live for. my world was all wrapped up in my husband. now with him gone i cant seem to find my place in life without him.i truly do know that God is giving me the strength to make it through each day somehow, and i know that he is helping you too. i also am very envious of others that have husbands and significant others in their lives, and ask myself why did this have to happen to me? well it did and somehow i must just deal with it.i wish i could be someone who could give you some profound words of wisdom but unfortunately i cannot.i do know that God is watching over you and will continue too, if that is any help. my thoughts are with you and prayers too.

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on February 18, 2011 at 9:15pm

Kim, I know how you feel it has been 8 months for me and my Frank was only 48 when he died.  I am a shell of the person I once was and feel hollow and empty inside.  I dont know if you have children or not but if you do you have to live for them.  You husband wants to be with you I know that for sure but he wouldnt want you to go before your time and although god and I arent on the best of terms right now you dont want to do anything that may hurt your chances of being with your husband when you pass.  For whatever its worth were here and we have to do what we have to do to get through each day.  At least once a day I cry and most nights cry myself to sleep.  I go over every day the last moments of his life and hope this is a dream.  This happens to other people not to me.....my kids are hurting and I cant help them and then I get mad why they have to suffer. Valentines day was a really bad day for me I never felt so alone in my life and my mother in law (who im not on the best terms with) said the nicest thing to me that she has ever said in the 22 years I know her.  She said that Frank loved me and the kids more than anything and she knows he is right there with me and will never leave me.  She told me that all he wanted in his life was me.  That coming from a woman who on my wedding day told my husband he could come back anytime he wanted lol.  I do know that Frank is with me...I dont care what kind of paradise he could be in, he doesnt want to be there.  He wants to be with me and our kids...I talk to him all the time and feel him close.  Try to feel your husband and get the thoughts out of your head that you want to die.  A priest once told me grief is temporary, love is forever.  Our husbands took the love with them and we carry their hearts with us now.  Is is enough..???? Hell no this hurts but it is the hand we have been dealt and we have no choice but to do what we have to do. I am a robot...I go through the motions of life but nothing matters.  I go to the cemetery everyday and hug his tombstone because I long for a hug so badly.  I guess we take what we can get.  Hang in there....if you want to talk im here.  We can help each other! Love Renee

Permalink Reply by Hurting on February 19, 2011 at 11:10pm

Dear Kim,  I am sorry for what you are going through and will have to go through.  My husband left on December 23, 2009.  Just two days before Christmas.  He wasn't sick and none of us were prepared.  My 15 year old had been buying surprise gifts for us that we never got around to open.  They are still wrapped up and are in my basement.  His birthday falls on Jan 2nd so I really didn't have any gap in between. Things just kept on banging me one after another. I can't say things get easier with time but you get used to pain. I hope you get the strength to go through all this.  I will pray for you and if there is anything that I or somebody else can do please let us know.

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Nonnemacher on February 22, 2011 at 12:08pm

Kim, I am sending you a hug and saying a prayer that you find a little peace today.  Going back to work will definately help you.  When I was out of work for a few months I tried to keep busy, finding new projects and such.   Too much time without doing anything I found is not good, too much time to think, too much time to cry. Our guys would not want that, I know my Ron would not. I recently had dropped back a few steps in this journey,and for 2 days I just cried, cried, cried for every little thing. But I crawled out of that place and now I am trying again to put one foot in front of the other.  I want you to know in November and December I was quite ill and I too thought that this would be a way out, a step to see my Ron, and I was glad. Glad because I would see my Ron because I cant live without him. But it was not  to be so here I am trying to go on. Please try Kim,I am sure you have people, friends and family that love you and you have friends here that care for you.  Sending you hugs, Liz

Permalink Reply by Elyse Plude on February 22, 2011 at 1:40pm

Hi Kim! I just came back on this site because I'm having a hard time lately as well and I read your post, and it was like reading everything I'm feeling. I have no insight for you because I am in the same frame of mind, but if I can atleast tell you that you're so not alone. My husband died 6 months and one week ago. His birthday I think was a little easier maybe because he died one week before and I was in so much shock and determined to still make it the best ever for him. So I actually did a birthday party for him the day after his funeral, which was his actual birthday, and I made it special for him. So though they are not here, we can still make it special for them. To honor them. It stinks real bad. My husband Jake would have been 26 and we had so much planned. We have an eight year old son, at the time, he was seven, but he helped me plan everything daddy would have loved. I relate to the rollercoaster. I went through a time that I couldn't cry and knew Jake wanted me to be happy so I was doing everything in my power, but now I'm back to not caring about anything. People, including family, have taken advantage of our money situation, since my husband left us a sufficient amount. So I don't even feel like I have family anymore to count on. I do have an incredible Pastor though, who is actually only a couple years older than me, and he has helped me so much! I don't know if you're religious or not, but maybe that could help you. They are very open minded and generally know the inspiring things to say to us grieving. Just a suggestion for you! I do understand how hard it is, even unbearable, and if I do get any great wisdom, I'll be sure to share with you. If you ever need to talk I'm here. Because I feel exactly what you are, so don't ever feel alone! You take care and God Bless!