Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Virginia on March 20, 2011 at 9:31am

Kathy, with everything you have been thru and are going thru you are such a insparation to everyone thank you for that. I agree with you it is ok to be happy again and the time frame will be different for everyone. I also agree with you on being able to speak about our loved ones, people really are afraid to speak of them to us for fear of upsetting us and if they understand it helps we need to express it to them. Life goes on with or without us and when we get to the point where we can remember our loved ones and smile and tears of happyness fall we are progressing. Bill seemed to be one heck of a great person and I'm happy you had what time you did together even tho it wasn't enough. What he did to help you prepare for the inevable speaks volumes of his love and respect for you not everyone can do that. His experence of being a widower gave him insite into what you would go thru and to want to make it easier on you was such an awsome thing. You do him proud !!, Lots of  Hugs to you.  

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on March 20, 2011 at 12:21pm

Kathy, you are an absolute _queen_, and your Bill was quite a _king_!  - I applaud you and your happiness and the happiness that you and Bill had - far, far beyond mere riches!

I still struggle, because I miss Byron so much - I am actually somewhat of a loner (why else would I be in IT, wrestling with Oracle/SQL Server/UNIX and Windows all day long?  (ha)) - so Byron was my confidante, my lover, my comedian, my race car driver (let me tell you, Dr. Perkins was NOT slow when he got in a car, and he had four (4) Corvettes over the time I knew him - the more I'd fuss, the faster he'd go, with a devlish grin on his face!  And, when I would remind him of the presence of the local constabulary, he'd respond with "I haven't gotten a ticket since I was 19 in Montana..."

He also had a little 'thug' in him - his office was not in the best part of town, and every once in a while, trouble would come to the door....having handled firearms since age 6 on his father's farm, he was a pretty good shot, and handy with the the steel (unfortunately, I was forced to sell his Beretta, and I gave his Savage 12-gauge to Baby Brother (52), because I knew Byron would have wanted David to have it) - he was on good terms with the local police, and they'd come by to check every once in a while - but he was not a man to mess with, at all!

It was so hard watching that vital, strong, _fine_ (oh, the man was _fine_, with golden-brown/hazel/green eyes, and long curly brown hair) man just deteriorate into a pain-wracked, agonized, extremely ill person......but he is not in any pain, anymore - and for that I am glad

 

Peace, healing, comfort and grace to you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on March 21, 2011 at 1:35am

Kathy, Virginia and Yaca thank you for your posts. I'm at the 9 month mark (yesterday). I'm trying so hard to move forward and I am but some days or moments just take my breath away. I just miss Michael so much! I had dinner with his friends/coworkers this week and so enjoyed it but then cried myself to sleep missing Michael and our old life. I was talking with my oldest son today and he mention some ones parents and the marriage had lost the spark. I had commented that Dad and I still had the spark right up to his death. Even the during his last year and all the ups and downs, hospital visits etc. we still had the spark. I don't mind living alone and I love my job. I go out with my friends and family and am quite busy but I miss our marriage, friendship and the closeness we shared. How do I get beyond this overwhelming sense of loss? I quess it just takes time. Since I lost both my folks in '09 and Michael in '10 I'm just tired of grieving.