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It seems so weird.
It seems so really really weird. Year after year for my entire life of 56 years (I'm 57 now) I had Thanksgiving dinner with family and for 90% of those years we went to purchase all the groceries for the big day and also to make turkey soup after, mine was the best, and made absolute sure there was enough for the entire spread of snacks, desserts, etc., cleaned up the apt., I baked sweet breads and prepared the stuffing the night before, which took hours to make, awoke very early in the a.m. and prepared the turkey on the thursday morning of the big day. For the last few years it dwindled down, but I still am feeling weird that it is over. No 22 lb. turkey to prepare, and vegetables and stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy Danny always, always helped me and I can just see him stirring the flour I poured into the liquid butter in the turkey pan that we slowly created to make the luscious gravy, after which we drained and set the table for a feast and Dan and I always timed everything so he would carve the turkey after it cooled, and then serve it all up. We always had leftovers to heat up and eat for the rest of the weekend. No pies, ice cream, or crackers, fruits, assorted nuts, no nothing. There will be no strong scent of a cooking turkey here on that day or any other day hereafter. I will be going to one of my sons and their family, but feeling bad for my other son that I won't see him and his family. I am unable to see my newly baptized only granddaughter that often, so she doesn't even know me whenever I go to their place, so Thanksgiving is kind of a washout already. She was the one who Danny saw for the first and last time when she was 7 days old, the night before he passed away on January 22. When I go over there she won't stay on my lap and I know Danny would have loved to see her walking already. It's just really weird. I was always rushing around every year, writing my list weeks in advance, making sure we had everything, looking foward to everyone enjoying our meal together. Now, it's nothing, nada, zip and I am wishing it was over. The Saturday after I will not be able to get away from hearing the annual Christmas parade that they have in our city as it is very loud. I wish I could block out the sounds of the cheering crowd and from those Christmas ads on TV as well. How depressing. It's just really really weird. And I can't believe since today, which was Monday November 22, that marks exactly 10 months since he passed I am still weeping and sobbing at the drop of a hat. I only hope it doesn't get worse than this. My heart goes out to each of you and your losses and I will be praying for you all for your personal Thanksgiving Day. I don't know when I'll post again but I just wanted to let you know I'm still here as there's nothing else to do. Hugs to you all and take care.
God bless to everyone here at legacy,
Suzanne
P.S. I am thankful that I have a place to go, I understand many don't have anyone and will be alone. If anyone would like to add what they are thankful for, it may be helpful to not dwell on what I (we) don't have. Just a suggestion. I know I needed to say what I am thankful for, if just for my own sanity. There are millions in the world that are dieing from malnutrition or abuse, so even though I am so depressed I need to keep my focus off the negative in my own life and remember my blessings, the most important of which was the gift that God gave me in Daniel, my husband and my loved ones. Take care.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jo on
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If we could all keep at least part of our focus on "Thankfulness" for the things we do have and less on our terrible losses,we might get through the Holidays.I do have family,but I wouldn't mind staying home,alone,lonely as that would be.I like my own company.I don't plan to be a recluse over the Holidays and if I get an invitation to do something fun,I'll do it.It's been only 13 weeks for me,and that is a very short time,but I know if I don't participate in my life,and the lives of those around me,I'll have a nervous breakdown,so I keep busy.I Have Grandchildren who have been involved with this whole process,from planning the Funeral,to the Memorial,to coming over after school to do homework,to planning for Christmas,etc,I can't let them down and my Husband would have wanted me to continue doing all the things,alone,that we did together.I try to remember that every day.Maybe I'm doing it wrong,but it works for me.XOXO
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Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on
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This dosen't seemed weird, I am about your age, I'm 52 and Joe and I were married for 33 years, we got married right out of high school, and had a baby to boot, so I am adjusting to living alone for the first time in my life. Well Thanksgiving for us was that holiday that we always had all our friends come over and we cooked this huge meal for everyone that was going to be without someone. Well last year, we had my husbands mom and sister and her husband over for dinner because his dad had passed away the easter before. This year my daughters both grown with families of there own wanted to keep things the same and I agreed, but I can't help but feel like the misfit toys in the Christmas special with Rudolph. Parts of us are missing. Joe would help with the stuffing the night before because I refuse to use a food processor to cut the celery and onions, and he would be there to put the Turkey in the oven because it was so big. He would write a special prayer for all that we have been Thankfull for over the year. So I know what you mean by this weird feeling, I know that I am thankfull for 2 very wonderful and loving daughters that are so much like their father. I know that I am thankfull that he taught me how to be a proud independent woman, and like you I know that I could have it so much worse than some of the others we read posts from every day here. But like you I also find it so very hard not to sit and ask why me and feel sorry for myself and my situation. So like you I will try my darndest to be positive and try to enjoy this 1st holiday with out my other half, because he loves me and I love everything that was and is him. Take care and try and enjoy time with your family and grandbabies, they need you to make sure they know who Daniel was and how much he loves them.
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Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on
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on nov. 19th of last year is when my husband and i found out about his cancer. i cant believe it has already been a year. we both were in such a state of shock. we spent last thanksgiving with my parents like we always did and i never dreamt for one moment it would have been our last thanksgiving together. we were both in such denial. i guess this year i must be thankful that i have a friend to invite me over to eat before i have to go to work.i am thankful that god did give me roger, my husband, even though we had such a short time together.i am thankful that i found this website that i can bounce back and forth from when i am at work. the holidays are something that i have been dreading and i find it is making it a little harder than it was before. also tomorrow is my birthday and that makes me feel very sad because my husband isnt here to send me flowers and get me a beautiful card.just a lot of sad times for me between nov.19th and jan 1st. then in feb. will be the one year anniversary of his passing. i just have to have faith that God will get me through all of this. i hope you enjoy your thanksgiving with your son and his family suzanne.
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Thanksgiving has always been a time for family getting together and enjoying a great meal and each others company. We are going to do that again this year because that is what Waymon would have wanted and we are not going to let him down. The worst part is that he always said the blessing so we are going to have a hard time getting through that, but we will so he will be proud of us. I have so much to be thankful for 39 wonderful years with the love of my life, a beautiful daughter, a great son-in-law, my husbands wonderful family who have been there for me through all of this, my health, a job I like and many wonderful friends including everyone here at legacy. I hope everyone has the best Thanksgiving they possibly can and I will say a special prayer for each of you thru this holiday week. May God bless and keep you all.
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November 19 was five months for me. I was worried about Thanksgiving as well. Last year both my parents died so Thanksgiving was weird. This year Michael was gone. I cooked for my adult children and their boyfriend/ girlfriend so there were 6 of us. One son was still at school. I was determined to make a good day with new traditions. I taught my eldest son how to mix cocktail, carve a turkey and lead grace before dinner. We talked about Michael and their Grandparents and shared stories of past holidays. We had a very nice although bittersweet time. There were other family dinners over the weekend. I was grateful for our 32 years together and proud of our children. I talk to Michael all the time and will always miss the love of my life but I know he would want me to be strong. It was really strange to cook all alone. But when the kids came it was all worth it. Hugs to all of you!
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Permalink Reply by Christy on
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Jo, You seem to really have the fight in you that many of us lack right now. We feel so helpless. You on the otherhand push through it & I am trying to do the same. I really wanted to stay home, in bed & eat a sandwich on Thanksgiving but instead I took off work, loaded my daughter & grandaughter in the truck, met up w/ my mom & her husband & we traveled from GA to N.C. to spend the holiday with my brothers & their families. I enjoyed it for the most part & when I broke down after GMAC called to inform me they were reposesssing my husband's truck, well, my brother took me on a nice long walk & made everything better! He sd. "are you ready to go back now?' & I sd. "I'd like to keep walking" & he sd- "what? like Forest Gump?!" I even bought a Christmas tree. You are an inspiration- Best wishes to you & yours-Christy
Jo said:If we could all keep at least part of our focus on "Thankfulness" for the things we do have and less on our terrible losses,we might get through the Holidays.I do have family,but I wouldn't mind staying home,alone,lonely as that would be.I like my own company.I don't plan to be a recluse over the Holidays and if I get an invitation to do something fun,I'll do it.It's been only 13 weeks for me,and that is a very short time,but I know if I don't participate in my life,and the lives of those around me,I'll have a nervous breakdown,so I keep busy.I Have Grandchildren who have been involved with this whole process,from planning the Funeral,to the Memorial,to coming over after school to do homework,to planning for Christmas,etc,I can't let them down and my Husband would have wanted me to continue doing all the things,alone,that we did together.I try to remember that every day.Maybe I'm doing it wrong,but it works for me.XOXO -
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Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on
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SUZANNE: I HAVE BEEN WONDERING HOW YOU WERE DOING? YES THANKSGIVING WAS VERY WEIRD BECAUSE 10 YEARS AGO MY OLDEST SON TOLD GEORGE AND ME THAT THEY WERE EXPECTING A BABY. WELL THIS THANKSGIVING SAME THING BUT GEORGE WAS NOT HERE FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT. I AM SURE HE WAS GLOWING ABOUT THE NEWS, I CALLED HIM ON MY CELL PHONE AT HIS OLD JOB AND TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NEWS HE STILL HAD HIS VOICE MAIL ON THE PHONE. I HUNG UP AFTER THE RECORDING IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR MY BELOVED HUSBAND VOICE YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND KEEP IN TOUCH HUGS ARE GOOD
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Christy said:Jo, You seem to really have the fight in you that many of us lack right now. We feel so helpless. You on the otherhand push through it & I am trying to do the same. I really wanted to stay home, in bed & eat a sandwich on Thanksgiving but instead I took off work, loaded my daughter & grandaughter in the truck, met up w/ my mom & her husband & we traveled from GA to N.C. to spend the holiday with my brothers & their families. I enjoyed it for the most part & when I broke down after GMAC called to inform me they were reposesssing my husband's truck, well, my brother took me on a nice long walk & made everything better! He sd. "are you ready to go back now?' & I sd. "I'd like to keep walking" & he sd- "what? like Forest Gump?!" I even bought a Christmas tree. You are an inspiration- Best wishes to you & yours-Christy
Jo said:If we could all keep at least part of our focus on "Thankfulness" for the things we do have and less on our terrible losses,we might get through the Holidays.I do have family,but I wouldn't mind staying home,alone,lonely as that would be.I like my own company.I don't plan to be a recluse over the Holidays and if I get an invitation to do something fun,I'll do it.It's been only 13 weeks for me,and that is a very short time,but I know if I don't participate in my life,and the lives of those around me,I'll have a nervous breakdown,so I keep busy.I Have Grandchildren who have been involved with this whole process,from planning the Funeral,to the Memorial,to coming over after school to do homework,to planning for Christmas,etc,I can't let them down and my Husband would have wanted me to continue doing all the things,alone,that we did together.I try to remember that every day.Maybe I'm doing it wrong,but it works for me.XOXO -
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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on
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Hi Kathy,
I'm still here and it is really good to hear from you. Everyone seems to be grieving in their own way. I am so sad for all those who are new and starting on this emotional roller coaster, I am lacking for what to say any more here at legacy, but I keep coming back anyway. I have learned in the past 10 months that every single one of us has to do what we feel is right, that there is not one way to live (or grieve) after our spouse has passed away, we each come to grief sites with our own agenda: ie, to express our rage, to fulfill our need for validation, to philosophize, to analyze, to seek compassion, or to find friends who understand, and in self-caring (not selfishness) to look for others who understand us (and me). Everyone needs understanding friends at this time in our lives, some are struggling to get over the grief quickly, some may go it ever so slowly, but we absolutely have to go through it to get to where we need to go. I can say only for myself that I hate Danny being gone more than I hate the process of grieving. But, I do want to thank you so much for always being there. We all are here for each other, and I hope you are doing ok. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, Kathy.
With love,
God bless you, and everyone,
Suzanne
kathy obiedzinski said:SUZANNE: I HAVE BEEN WONDERING HOW YOU WERE DOING? YES THANKSGIVING WAS VERY WEIRD BECAUSE 10 YEARS AGO MY OLDEST SON TOLD GEORGE AND ME THAT THEY WERE EXPECTING A BABY. WELL THIS THANKSGIVING SAME THING BUT GEORGE WAS NOT HERE FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT. I AM SURE HE WAS GLOWING ABOUT THE NEWS, I CALLED HIM ON MY CELL PHONE AT HIS OLD JOB AND TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NEWS HE STILL HAD HIS VOICE MAIL ON THE PHONE. I HUNG UP AFTER THE RECORDING IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR MY BELOVED HUSBAND VOICE YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND KEEP IN TOUCH HUGS ARE GOOD -
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Stricklen on
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hi there my name is sharon and my husband died a year and a half ago. You are right about the holidays, and i too did so much crying at the drop of a hat during that first year but it has gotten better and will for you as well. Oh don't get me wrong, I still sit and talk to him and cry because the loss is always there and I miss him so very much all the time, espescially during this time of the year. One thing that I do do is buy a baloon and send it up to him on those special days, sounds silly I guess but it helps me through. This site has helped too, so very much. I guess I never thought anyone else was going through this until I came across this site and the support is supper. You hang in there and if you need to vent this is the plalce, bless you dear
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hi there my name is sharon and my husband died a year and a half ago. You are right about the holidays, and i too did so much crying at the drop of a hat during that first year but it has gotten better and will for you as well. Oh don't get me wrong, I still sit and talk to him and cry because the loss is always there and I miss him so very much all the time, espescially during this time of the year. One thing that I do do is buy a baloon and send it up to him on those special days, sounds silly I guess but it helps me through. This site has helped too, so very much. I guess I never thought anyone else was going through this until I came across this site and the support is supper. You hang in there and if you need to vent this is the plalce, bless you dear
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Jo, thank you, that is how I feel too. I have my daughters and my grandkids and all my neices and nephews. I can't let them down and I won't because Joe won't want me to he would be disappointed in me. It has only been since Aug 17, 2010 but I am trying to keep the same holiday social schedule that we kept all these years. It is hard and I let myself go when I get home, but I like being in my house with our stuff that we put here together, he is in this house with me, and I love that.
Christy said:Jo, You seem to really have the fight in you that many of us lack right now. We feel so helpless. You on the otherhand push through it & I am trying to do the same. I really wanted to stay home, in bed & eat a sandwich on Thanksgiving but instead I took off work, loaded my daughter & grandaughter in the truck, met up w/ my mom & her husband & we traveled from GA to N.C. to spend the holiday with my brothers & their families. I enjoyed it for the most part & when I broke down after GMAC called to inform me they were reposesssing my husband's truck, well, my brother took me on a nice long walk & made everything better! He sd. "are you ready to go back now?' & I sd. "I'd like to keep walking" & he sd- "what? like Forest Gump?!" I even bought a Christmas tree. You are an inspiration- Best wishes to you & yours-Christy
Jo said:If we could all keep at least part of our focus on "Thankfulness" for the things we do have and less on our terrible losses,we might get through the Holidays.I do have family,but I wouldn't mind staying home,alone,lonely as that would be.I like my own company.I don't plan to be a recluse over the Holidays and if I get an invitation to do something fun,I'll do it.It's been only 13 weeks for me,and that is a very short time,but I know if I don't participate in my life,and the lives of those around me,I'll have a nervous breakdown,so I keep busy.I Have Grandchildren who have been involved with this whole process,from planning the Funeral,to the Memorial,to coming over after school to do homework,to planning for Christmas,etc,I can't let them down and my Husband would have wanted me to continue doing all the things,alone,that we did together.I try to remember that every day.Maybe I'm doing it wrong,but it works for me.XOXO -
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