I guess I need to introduce myself. I just lost my partner of 8 years, Rob, to complications from H1N1. He was only 48 years old. Long story short, we both came down with pneumonia. Me before him. The day I was diagnosed was the first day that he felt sick so I made him go to the doctor. right away. 3 days later, I was feeling better, but he was feeling worse and he went to ER and was admitted to the hospital. Within 24 hours, they placed him in an induced coma and put him on a ventilator. 8 days after that they tried to transfer him to another hospital and he arrested. The team from the other hospital flew in and placed him on an ECMO machine. They then transferred him to their hospital. After many complications, on Feb 28, 5 weeks after being placed on the ECMO, 6 weeks after being ventilated,  and consulting with doctors, we had them turn off the machines. There was nothing else that could be done. He was in multiple organ failure due to sepsis shock.

This has been a roller coaster ride for me, and made even more difficult because we were not married.

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Dearest Nicole,

First let me say how truly sorry I am for your loss and although it means so much to me that in some small way my words have helped you, I wish it were under happier circumstances. Where I am there is very little support for people who have lost loved ones to suicide so I began reaching out wherever I could and to who ever I could. If you ever need to talk, I am here.

Sincerely

Danielle



Nicole Amato said:

Danielle, I just want to say that though I came on here to "give advice" to Kristen, I ended up needing to hear what you had to say way more than dolling out advice.  Your words touched me so much in this hour of this day where I feel that my losing Tim was the only time anyone has ever lost the love of their life.  I'm so sorry you're also on the roller coaster but thank you for being the best perspective I've heard all day.  

Sending you my vast appreciation and hoping to reciprocate some of the strength you've given me today.  Hugs, Nicole

Danielle Hamilton said:

Kristen,

I want to express my sincere condolences for your loss. I lost my partner of eight years on the 3rd of February to suicide and if you look in the seats behind you on the roller-coster, that's where I am, right there with you. Whether prolonged or suddenly the common denominator is grief. It is going to chew us up and spit us out but others have survived the damn roller-coaster and so will we, as painful as it is to go on even one more day, we will survive. I don't know if that makes it better or worse and the one person you want to talk to, you can't. Kristin, the only advice I have is to reach out into the community and find support. Life gives us WAY more than we can handle sometimes on our own but together, it's possible to overcome the storm of loss of a loved one. This is a step in the right direction joining the website. Keep looking. Find meetings when you're ready. Get out, smell the air, take a walk, anything but do it for a break from the heartache. Five minutes a day if anything. You will drive yourself crazy or you will trigger genes which will induce heart disease, kidney disease, body aches and cancer. You must release your suffering and share with others. Re-connect with humankind. I went to my first meeting tonight. It was hard. I was crying before we started. There were only four of us. A counselor, an intern, a gentleman and myself. That's it. But it was the most "myself" I've been since her death. Let me know if you need to talk.

Danielle

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