Has anyone on here ever attended a griefshare program and if so how did you feel about it?  I have checked into a few of them, but they all seem to be for older people.  I hope i do not sound ugly in saying this.  It just seems that everyone who i have talked to and most people on this website are older.  I am 39 and so was Jason when he died 9/28/10.  He had not been sick, and was not in an accident.  I know that everyone loves their spouse and missed them.  I just would like to be able to relate to someone whose love was taken from them suddenly with no signs and not in an accident.  I just don't understand why i am without Jason.  I need him, the kids need him and his whole family needs him.  I know everyone deals with grief different and death does not affect everyone the same no matter who or how they loose.  I dont know what i am really getting at i guess i am just rambling.  Jason died on a Tuesday and every Tuesday is a bad day for me.  Is it really or am i just thinking that.  I went to Tuckers Christmas program at school yesterday where they sang Christmas Carols.  Last year Jason was right there with me taking pictures of his pride and joy.  Then we went to eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel and went Christmas shopping afterwards, i thought about him the whole time i at the school.  Then all the teachers kept coming up to me and asking how i was doing saying how strong i am and how wonderful Tucker is and how they miss him being in their class (he is 8) i just stood there smiling but i wanted to turn and run off screaming.  Oh well the living must go on living.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble

 

Jill

Views: 145

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Jill, I understand how you feel.  My husband also died suddenly... no warning... not an accident.  A sudden heart attack and he was gone.  I think people do grieve differently.  I think that if someone had been ill and their spouse and family took care of them, they had time to prepare, time to talk about things.  I am not saying that it is any easier for them, because it is not.  To lose someone suddenly is different.  No time to say goodbye, no time to prepare.. they're just gone!  My husband died very early on a Monday morning (July 5, 2010).  Every Monday is bad for me.  After the holidays I am going to try to find a group for myself also.  I need someone to talk to.  I know my family has been with me throughout this, but no one can understand unless they have been through it.  I hope you and your family find some way to enjoy the holidays.  I know it will be hard for all of us.  I am here as we all are if you need to talk.

I'm very sorry for your loss Jill. I am I guess older than you I'm 52 and my kids are grown, but we had our girls early so we had just started to be able to enjoy ourselves we were high school sweethearts and married for 33 years. My Joe passed on a tuesday Aug 17, 2010 and in the beginning I counted every Tuesday hated them. Now I am to just marking the date, it's 4 month ago today.

My Joe died 4 days after having hernia surgery, he had liver problems, but appeared healthy aside from the hernia and when they did the surgery they ran into complications, but thats another story. So long story short we went from hey lets get the hernia fixed so you feel better to what the hell is happening going back to the ER that Monday only to have him be sedated and not wake up again. No good bye, but I know that he loved me more than any person could love another and he was my life. We had just started to enjoy our life, we were active had lots of wonderful friend that we spent time with and traveled, now that is gone without him it's not the same. Who is there to share the thrills and excitment with.  Even though our girls are adults they miss their dad very much we are good friends with our kids.. See its so hard not to ramble. What I am trying to say is that it's very hard when your spouse leaves for no reason and I can sympathize with your loss even though I am a little older. I wish you peace and love at this hard time of year, i hope you and your son have the best Christmas you can. Live for him, he needs you.  Kay  

Hi Jill, Firstly dont feel you have to apologise, for rambling. 

I do that all the time. It is the only way I seem to get things off my chest. As I am getting so frustrated, that I cant express myself to certain people.

I lost my husband suddenly 6months ago, On a thursday, at 9.30pm in hospital, I try so hard every thursday to forget that time, but cant. It is just easier, if someone is with me on thursdays, but I still remember.  I do have private therapy, but still struggling.

I have joined a grief counseling group, and the reason why there are older people there is because I feel is the time it is. 12.30 pm, when most younger people are at work.  However, I have found them very helpful, as they have all lost a partner. And the age group varies.  I did feel lost, at first, as I seemed to be younger than most, but then the next time, there were younger people, I think it is just work commitments.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can identify with you, and do send you a big hug.

Hi Jill,

 

I have a Friend who participated in GriefShare. She said it helped her alot. She has too provided me with literature.

I too lost my husband of 32 years on 9/4/2010. Terry was only 52 years old and like your husband, he was healthy and without any symptoms. He died from an Aortic Dissection, seven hours of surgery couldn't save him. The devasation was immense to say the least. The adjustment was difficult as I've never lived alone and our children are all grown and out on their own. I'm doing better now than initially, but feel I am "stuffing" what I really feel for fear of the overwhelming reality I'll never touch him again. We were H.S. sweethearts and soulmates to say the least. I go to Grief Support through Hospice once-a-week and it helps me alot. What they've taught me is not to look into the future, but look at one-day-at-a-time which too helps. I know too the comments "your doing so well" and you think to yourself "you don't really understand."  It seems I need to feel to comfort others and divert the pain that I truly feel. I have my moments. Coming home from work is usually the worst as my hubby usually made our dinner and would wonder when to start it depending where I was. As far as the Holidays goes, it really hasn't hit me emotionally yet. My hubby always did the outside decorating big time. This year, I can't even get the decorations out. Too exhausting for me. I survived Cancer last year which depleted alot of my energy and now with my Grieving, my energy has no hope for awhile. I did by a small prelit tree for my Grandchildren to see to show them we have to start new traditions. I already plan to have plenty of new traditions next year as that is what my husband would want me to do. He loved me to his death, was proud of me in my strength in life and that is what keeps me going as hard as it is. I cannot let him down.

 

Lorri

  If rambling helps,just keep on doing it. I would guess most people that lost spouses are a little older ,just nature.  I am sure having kids at home makes it tougher for you. I know how you must feel when people say how stong you are. People I havent seen since my wifes wake,say to me you look good,If only they knew how I felt inside. I guess I hide my emotions well. My wife often kidded me and called me  Mr.Spock, like the character on Star Trek. Try not to concentrate on the importance of the days of the week,beeter to remember the good days. Try to have as best a Christmas as possible,the kids deserve it.

Hi Jill, I too am older than you, 53,  I do attend a grief share group and there is a mix of ages. One of the girls is 28. You are in the right place to share your heart out. I lost my husband on 9/29/10 and he wasn't sick that we knew at the time or in an accident either. I only know the pain that I am feeling must be triplefold for you because you and Jason were blessed with Tucker. I hope that you and Tucker have extended family to share the holiday with. I believe Jason is with you too. Wish I could be more helpful. HUGS. Ellen~


Lorri Guy said:

 

"what my husband would want me to do." He loved me to his death, was proud of me in my strength in life and that is what keeps me going as hard as it is. I cannot let him down.

  Lorri, you post made a lot of sense to me, trying to do what we feel our spouse would want us to do seems a great way to honor them.

Hi Jill,

I understand you wanting to find SOMEONE who shares, as similar as possible, an experience close to yours because we are all seeking someone who can relate as much as possible to our pain & confusion! It makes somewhat of a difference to us when our spouse was healthy & 38 yrs old and without warning of any kind he is gone, than an older person who has lived out what we think is a more fair portion of their life-It's crazy! The truth is, young or old, sick or healthy- none of us could truely prepare ourselves for the loss we are suffering from. We miss them more than words can express, we miss every moment without them and we miss all our hopes & plans for our future with them! I appreciate everyone I have been in contact with on this site-they have blessed me more than any well meaning friend or relative! I hope that you will benefit from all the love and experience provided here-

God bless you & yours, Christy

Hi Jill,

I understand you wanting to find SOMEONE who shares, as similar as possible, an experience close to yours because we are all seeking someone who can relate as much as possible to our pain & confusion! It makes somewhat of a difference to us when our spouse was healthy & 38 yrs old and without warning of any kind he is gone, than an older person who has lived out what we think is a more fair portion of their life-It's crazy! The truth is, young or old, sick or healthy- none of us could truely prepare ourselves for the loss we are suffering from. We miss them more than words can express, we miss every moment without them and we miss all our hopes & plans for our future with them! I appreciate everyone I have been in contact with on this site-they have blessed me more than any well meaning friend or relative! I hope that you will benefit from all the love and experience provided here-

God bless you & yours, Christy

Jill:  You might want to at least try a griefshare program even if there's all older persons there.  I'm one of the older persons who lost her hubby a year ago Thanksgiving and came real close to attending a grief support program and then changed my mind as I thought I would cry even more than what I still do.  Us older ones do have something growing old gives us.....................wisdom.  Those older people just might "take you under their wings" and that could be of help to you as well as them.  Each and every one of the posts I read here apply to me.  We all know EXACTLY how the survivor feels.  Follow your heart and go with your gut feelings.  It's taking me a year to learn how to "fake it" when people say all the things they say; with all good intentions.  The best way, for me, to sum up all my many, many emotions is "When he passed away it left a big hole in my heart and I fell into it".  Not very encouraging words and I know my life will never be the same again.  I still don't know who I am without my hubby.  Let us know what you decide to do.  Your children and family are your biggest support.  Hang onto them real tight. I hope my words (wisdom) is of some help to you. 

The hospice told me about the grief counseling that last for 13 months after a death, but I have never inquired into it.  I'm starting to feel lately maybe I should check into it. 

 

Let us know how it went if you do decide to try it. 

The hospice told me about the grief counseling that last for 13 months after a death, but I have never inquired into it.  I'm starting to feel lately maybe I should check into it. 

 

Let us know how it went if you do decide to try it. 

RSS

Latest Conversations

DontWannaDisclose joined Lorie Petrey's group
18 hours ago
Joan Mosher posted a status
"My brother passed away on September 26th 12 Days after is 52nd birthday and I'm tough time"
yesterday
Profile IconJoan Mosher and DontWannaDisclose joined LegacyConnect
yesterday
CAB joined Lisa W's group
Sunday

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2021   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service