Lost my husband

Hi everyone, my name is Mary, I just joined, not sure how this works but trying to figure it out, I lost my husband, my world 7 weeks ago, iam trying to be strong as everyone keeps telling me but I don't feel very strong, hoping to talk with others who have been through this or going through this I am over whelmed and heartbroken, Thankyou all Mary

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Permalink Reply by DJ on July 27, 2016 at 3:25pm

So sorry for the loss that brings you to this site. There are many angels here, and all members are grieving. The path is different for each of us - especially regarding time, twists, and turmoil - but the profound emptiness and suffocating heartache is universal.
I lost my wife ~30 months ago, 11 months after cancer diagnosis. I speak to her every day; she is my heart & soul. It's taken this long before I can speak about her without choking up every time; tears are daily.
I recommend you track the Bereaved Spouses comment wall closely - it is very active as members share their grief journey, and the angels attend to us lost souls.

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 4:21pm

How do u track the bereaved spouses wall? Sorry just learning DJ, mary

Permalink Reply by DJ on July 28, 2016 at 2:08pm

Rather than post to this separate discussion that you opened, you post to (and read) the comment wall. Notice that the part of the Bereaved Spouses site that you opened your Lost My Husband is "Discussion Forum", the bottom part is "Comment Wall".

Permalink Reply by Joann Sueing on July 27, 2016 at 3:47pm

Hi Mary,

Please accept my deepest heartfelt condolences on the lost of your husband. I lost my husband 5-1/2 months ago, unexpectantly, February 16th. I said good-bye to go to work, not realizing it was the last time I would be able to say good-bye to him.

I, as well as the others in this group, know too well the heart-wrenching pain that you are feeling right now. Some of the members in this group have been traveling this journey alone for years, while others as myself has just begun. Either way, we are grieivng the loss of our beloved spouses, no matter the stages of that grief.

I can tell you that I have gone from living moment to moment, which is progress for me. I long for him every day and every night but is just now beginning to accept my fate of him not growing old with me. This group has helped to bring comfort to me, because they too have/are experiencing what I am going through.

Just know that we all grieve diffeerently and whatever that you need to do to make it day to day, "do it"! Do not let others, who couldn't possibly understand what you are going through, dictate how you should grieve or for how long. This is your journey--our journey--and one day we will both get to a place where we can make stops along the way, and smile again about the beautiful memories we made with our husbands.

Sending you hugs and lots of prayers your way.

Joann

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 4:01pm

Thankyou Joann, iam sooo sooo sorry for your loss, I miss my bob soooo very much we were married 22 yrs and did everything together, I forced him to go to emergency room, he was walking funny, after being transported to mass general we found out he had glioblastoma brain tumor, and there was no cure they said he could live 6 months to at the max 5 years, he never left the hospital 10 weeks later I lost him, the last two days of his life was horrific, and every time I close my eyes I relive it.i wish sooo much he was still here. Mary

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 3:50pm

Hi Dj, Thankyou so much,for your sympathy, iam so sorry for your loss also, My husband did not have a long illness he was diagnosed with glioblastoma brain tumor, and died 10 weeks later, thankgod I went everyday and was there when he took his last breath, my heart is broken and I cry all the time, the house is overwhelming me, it just soo very very hard, Thankyou so much for listening to me. Mary

Permalink Reply by DJ on July 27, 2016 at 4:19pm

It was GBM for us also. We were blessed to have 11 months; she recovered to 95% for a couple months then the insidious theft of speech, cognition, mobility, etc began. She wanted to remain at home, so that's what we did.

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 4:46pm

Bob lost the ability to walk on left side, the tumor was on the right side of his brain, he loss cognition,and started having seizures, they tried to tell me he might only have a couple of months, but stupid me thought we could fight and beat it, how very wrong I was, Bob did not lose his speech, though if he had lived longer he would have, I had every intention of bringing him home, was making arrangements the week he died, I had no idea he would go that quickly, the last two days were awful and will remain in my memory forever, this is a terrible tumor and I get very angry that it took him away. He was otherwise very healthy before this. Mary

Permalink Reply by DJ on July 28, 2016 at 7:50pm

Of course you believed/hoped you could beat it - you were meant to be together, and you'd been through so much together, good and bad.

The health team for our chemo and radiology treatments were ever hopeful; it was the neurosurgeon who had told us point-blank to get our affairs in order, as he'd only bought us a few months. As tough as that was to swallow, it made my next decision easy: I took leave from work to be with her full-time throughout. She didn't want the kids to know the prognosis, but when she started slipping back from that 95% our two daughters told their brother to come home; he quit his job and drove 36 hours to be here the next day. The joy on her face to have us all home remains one of the brightest moments of this tragedy.

As frightening as the last days were, I knew it was time, as the previous few weeks were so hard on her: locked in a shell of herself unable to speak, move, or even keep her eyes open for more than a minute or so a couple times a day. Even when she couldn't speak or walk, and could barely raise her arms, her eyes remained wonderfully expressive and her slight gestures were so loving. Then even that flickered out. Shortly after she passed, a smile returned to her face - she let us know that she was okay. She was no longer our angel on earth, but she is still our angel.

So I'm certain that Bob remains your angel, too...

Permalink Reply by Deb S on July 27, 2016 at 4:23pm

Dear Mary, I am so sorry for your loss. There is a "Comment" section to the main group where I post.

At 7 weeks, your world is likely upside down as you deal with the raw grief of loosing your spouse. My husband passed away on July 22 of last year. I am and likely always will be heartbroken, but I no longer feel overwhelmed. Looking back, I now believe that I remained in shock for at least the first 6 months.

Please post freely. This is an amazing group of people. I am blessed to know them. Debbie

Permalink Reply by Mary Clough on July 27, 2016 at 4:36pm

Thankyou Debbie, iam also sooo sorry for your loss, yes my world is upside down, overwhelmed, heart broken, and god how I wish with everything I have that he was still here. My family no longer call me guess they think I should be doing better, iam not doing better in fact everyday that goes by feels harder then the day before, I miss him so much, I didn't realize how hard this would be. Thankyou For responding, Mary

Permalink Reply by Deb S on July 27, 2016 at 5:39pm

Mary, You and I have a lot in common. My husband, Bob, and I were married 22 years and exactly 11 months. My husband also passed away suddenly. He had a seizure and was hospitalized for a week. He was released to rehab for physical therapy for a couple of weeks. 5 days later I asked him if I should spend the night with him. He said he was going to sleep and would see me in the morning. When I returned early the next morning, he was in trouble. He passed away 4 days later from multiple organ failure caused by toxic shock syndrome.His amazing medical team at a top hospital were unable to determine the cause of the infection. Despite extraordinary measures, they were not able to save him.

Like you, I wished with every morsel of my being that things were different. We were actively making plans. This was not on my radar. I now realize that I remained in shock for a long, long time. I cried all of the time, I hibernated, I tried to make sense of his sudden demise, I researched medical articles, I began to heal.

For a few weeks, I received phone calls and inquiries concerning my well being. Those stopped pretty quickly.

In order to move on, I began to narrow my focus to extremely short time periods. In the beginning, those segments were 15 minutes at a time. Eventually, I could plan a longer block of time. I can now plan a day or more. I still can't tell you what I will be doing next week. You just do whatever will help you get by.

Please try to be kind to yourself. This has been the best gift that I've allowed myself.

I am glad that you found this group. Please take care of you. Debbie