Maybe it's just me.

Maybe it's just me but I have never felt so strongly against Halloween before, it was just a fun time for kids, going trick-or-treating, grandkids coming over wearing their costumes. And of course it was another excuse to eat candy, desserts or, whatever, caramel-dipped apples, cider, the whole bit. I never went out as an adult, never went to a haunted house, never had the desire, didn't decorate, but my husband's mother went way out for every holiday, all the funny decorations. But now, I have never felt so offended due to the way it's portrayed. Death, cemeteries, skeletons. It just makes me cry all the more, they all have no idea what death is really all about. I am so wishing this was all over, and I do mean everything. I'm just in a blase mood. I took a step forward and then a step back, but I guess that's how grief is, sneaking up on you, and remembering the good old days. Until if effects whoever has a death in their family, then they probably don't like Halloween anymore either. I'm feeling so sad and melancholy. I put myself on a strict, rigid diet because when I used to start eating anything good like ice cream, I'd start to feel good then, I start crying while I'm eating the ice cream, so I shut myself off from eating anything that's enjoyable, because life is not enjoyable without my husband here with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel him with me, but I know that he is, and my therapist told me I need to live from my heart and feel rather than allow my mind to take over me with too many thoughts. Don't mind me. I just needed to get this out. I hate Halloween. It makes me feel so depressed. The only good thing about Halloween is that after the day is over it's "All Saints Day" which is the day we had the Sacrament of Matrimony to solemnize our marriage on 11/1/74. Another day to get through. Then the next day is "All Soul's Day". Does it ever end? Maybe it's just me.

God bless,

Suzanne

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on October 29, 2010 at 11:18pm

Hi Suzanne, No it's not just you. Every year I always decorated our house for Halloween, really enjoyed seeing the costumes. My husband of almost 38 yrs ( our anniv. is Nov.8th ) passed away on Oct. 21. Needless to say, no decorations. No nothing. I feel so horrible, so lost, so out of it. I keep hearing that it will get better----how? The only way it will get better is if Jim came back. I know that he's in a better place, that he's not hurting, but I miss him so much. We were in-seperable. It's hard to accept that he's gone. He fought such a courageous battle against lung cancer this past year -- we actually thought he had more time. Anyway -- we all need to vent, so anytime you need to talk, I' m here for you.

Permalink Reply by Basia on October 30, 2010 at 11:48pm

I have to take the kids out tomorrow and I hate it. There's nothing more distubing and upseting to me than seeing my kids dressed up as death of all things. I guess he does nt see it the same way. I'm kind of angry about it.

Permalink Reply by cindy smith on October 31, 2010 at 2:06pm

I wish I could offer some confort Suzanne, but words will not help. My husband loved to see all the neighborhood kids in their costumes and of course our grandchildren. He died on father's day, in our kitchen, in my arms only two weeks before our only grandson was born. I hate all holidays. He died on father's day, how can I celebrate anything? My therapist tells me it could take up to 8 years for the pain to go away. I am not sure I have 8 years in me.

Permalink Reply by Kathy Marie Luersen on October 31, 2010 at 2:44pm

We used to have no school ALL SAINTS DAY! Halloween is like Martigrah before lent. I never go out for Halloween and it does not bother me
You may watch a movie or something like that on Halloween, not a scary one and plant a tree or flower in honor of your spouse.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 1, 2010 at 8:55pm

SUZANNE, YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE WITH YOUR FEELINGS. I STARTED GETTING PANICKY ALL LAST WEEK BECAUSE I KNEW I DIDNT WANT TO HAVE TO PASS OUT HALLOWEEN CANDY. SO I ASKED MY FRIEND IF I COULD PLEASE GO SIT AT HER HOUSE SO I WOULDNT HAVE TO BE BOTHERED. I HAVE NEVER FELT THAT WAY BEFORE. BUT I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON THAT I USED TO BE BEFORE MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY. I AM REALLY HAVING ANXIETY PROBLEMS JUST THINKING ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS. TODAY AT WORK HAS BEEN SUCH A BAD DAY, NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN REALLY TAKE.JUST KNOW THAT THEIR ARE SO MANY OF US THAT ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY AND WE ARE MISSING OUR HUSBANDS AND WISH THE AGONY WOULD END. BUT IT IS OK TO VENT AND GET IT OUT BECAUSE I WAS TOLD IT ISNT HEALTHY TO KEEP IT IN, AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I AM THINKING VERY SERIOUSLY ABOUT STARTING TO SEE A THERAPIST.I DONT THINK I AM ALLOWING MYSELF TO LET IT OUT THE WAY I SHOULD.I WOULD DO ANYTHING AT THIS POINT TO TRY AND MAKE MYSELF GO FORWARD INSTEAD OF BACKWARD.GOD BLESS YOU.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 1, 2010 at 8:55pm

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on November 1, 2010 at 9:02pm

CINDY, I JUST WANTED TO COMMENT ON SOMETHING YOU SAID BECAUSE IT REALLY HIT HOME FOR ME. YOU SAID THAT YOUR THERAPIST SAID IT COULD TAKE UP TO EIGHT YEARS FOR THE PAIN TO GO AWAY AND YOU SAID I MAY NOT HAVE EIGHT YEARS. I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY. I HAVE OFTEN THOUGHT THAT ALL THIS GRIEF THAT I AM GOING THROUGH CANT BE HEALTHY.ESPECIALLY SINCE I HAVE COMPLETELY LOST MY APPETITE AND HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO EAT. I AM COMPLETELY STRESS OUT OVER EVERYTHING AND I DONT EVEN EXERCISE LIKE I USED TOO.

cindy smith said:

I wish I could offer some confort Suzanne, but words will not help. My husband loved to see all the neighborhood kids in their costumes and of course our grandchildren. He died on father's day, in our kitchen, in my arms only two weeks before our only grandson was born. I hate all holidays. He died on father's day, how can I celebrate anything? My therapist tells me it could take up to 8 years for the pain to go away. I am not sure I have 8 years in me.

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