It has been 20 months since my beloved Keith died so suddenly and unexpectedly and since that fateful day, I seem to have spent all of my time just keeping busy donig stuff that is really not important but just helps to get me through the day.
Every day I ask myself ' What can I do to keep moving on?
Most days, I do not get an answer.
Since Keith died I have sold my big family home and moved to a one bedroom condo because I could not face living in that big house without him. Now I look at the walls of the new place and wonder if I made the right decision.
After 45 years together I am faced with this terrible feeling of loneliness. When I am ill there is no-one here to comfort me. I fear that I might fall and there will be no-one to pick me up. But above all, not having him here in the night to just touch and to just know that I am not alone hurts the most.
My family and friends think that I am doing very well but they only see what I want them to see.
They all wish that I would just get over it but that will never happen.
Love eternal cannot be denied.
How can I move on? I have done all of the things that the councellors and specialists recommend, but the fact is I am so lonely and miss my darling so desperately.
There have been many books written about death and grief but they do not begin to describe the terrible loneliness that happens to you when you lose your soulmate.
So for all of you who are suffering the dreadful pain of the loss of a spouse, have courage, allow yourself time to grieve, accept that your loved one is gone and try to move on.