On April 21st, about three weeks ago, I lost my lover, best friend, and companion of 25 years. She had cancer and had started chemo which was supposed to give her a few more years, but into the second week of treatment the dose was increased and she died three days later from the medication. It made her weaker and weaker until I finally decided to call 911, but it was too late and she died holding my hand, shortly after the paramedics arrived. I had no idea the medication would kill her, after all, it was supposed to help her live longer. Since then I have been devastated, we were always together and shared everything. It's as though my reason for living has been taken from me. I've never experienced such pain and sorrow. I'll see or hear something that reminds me of our life together and then find myself sobbing and in tears - as I am now. I miss her so very much. What am I to do without her?
My deepest condolences on your loss. It is devastating to lose the love of your life, your lover and best friend. I, too, lost mine almost three years ago to cancer, and I still mourn and grieve for my darling husband Joseph. The loss of a spouse-partner is one of the most gut-wrenching and devastating of all human experiences. Those of us who were left behind, the survivors, have to live with this pain and grief for the rest of our lives. At least, know that you have come to a site where we are compassionate and understanding of each other and our irreparable loss and we consider our fellow members our family.
Sending prayers and healing thoughts your way as you struggle through the first months of raw grief, of this horrific journey. -- Trina
I too keep a journal. I started it on the tenth day after the passing of my husband. It was suggested in a grieving book I was reading that my sister gave me. It’s helping me work through my grief, if that is even possible. At least it feels like it’s helping. It’s a collection of my thoughts and that gives me some comfort. Although, on my bad days, I sometimes wonder. My journal is almost gotten to be like my Bible. I write in it many times during the day and I like having it near. I haven’t gone back and read anything I have written yet. One day I will.
Dear Chris ... My deepest condolences of the loss of your beautiful companion. I am so sorry you had such a shock feeling she would be getting better from treatment and passing so suddenly. My husband Ernie passed April 27, 2011 at the age of 65 from pancreatic/live cancer and we were married almost 40 years and we were very close as well. There are no magic words to offer because all of us know the pain you are feeling. We can have our parents pass away and feel grief, but no one ever warned us the pain and heartbreak we would go through when we had a spouse pass away.
What you are going through is a normal part of grieving and we've all been there and some on Legacy are in the same situation you are; raw grief. Tears are good and help to alleviate added stress. You won't believe this now, but in time you will still miss her, but the intensity of grief does subside although you will never forget those wonderful memories you had with her (her gift to you.) Please keep coming to Legacy and post because this site really saved my life and did more for me than any grief counseling I went to. We all know exactly how you feel and we're here to help you through you grief. Feel free to express anything you feel as no one judges another and we called ourselves, 'extended family.' We will share our own experiences with you, console you, give you ideas of how to cope and also that everything you feel now and will feel for awhile is very normal.
Big hugs (because you need one)
I am so very sorry for your terrible loss of your beloved wife so very recently. While all of us here have experienced the pain and turmoil resulting from our own personal losses, still every couple - every love - is unique and precious, making each of our losses unique also. Thus, saying "I know how you feel" or something similar is both true and false. My friend, truthfully only you and you alone know how you feel. That said, I can tell you that finding other people here who understand this sad and lonely place we find ourselves has been an invaluable source of comfort and support to me after losing my husband Larry two years ago. Yes, I'm still here in this world, and in this family...different than I was before, and still on my journey into a life I never imagined or expected without Larry by my side. You are in the earliest days of that journey, and I simply offer my prayers and encourage you to come here as often as it is helpful for you to do so. You need not even post...often I sat and just read what other family members were sharing and watching the way they lifted and cradled one another, and that alone lightened my burden and lessened my feelings of complete isolation and separation from life. I wish you peace today, and in all the hours, days and weeks ahead. You are not alone.
I am so sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found us. This community will support you and lift you up at times when you don't even think you can stand.
If you have not already, may I suggest contacting your local hospice. Many of them have excellent support programs. My hospice provided me with a volunteer companion who visited weekly for that first year. They also had an amazing support group which was so essential to my getting through that first year. I had times, especially in the beginning where I completely lost focus and couldn't concentrate on things, which was so unlike me. They all helped me maneuver those very rocky waters. It also helps when you can sit with people who are going through what you are, you suddenly realize you're not the only one and that was probably the biggest help of all, because even though I worked in a nursing home, my residents situations still seemed removed from mine, having people around your age bracket who are working through the same things makes it more real, and also more acceptable to be real with yourself.
Chris.......I'm am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I also understand your feelings of something that was supposed to help ended up taking away your most important, special person. I lost my husband in January 2016. He was just 52 years old and we had been together for 30 years. I had given him a kidney and that was supposed to give him years more time. I actually allowed myself to believe that he would actually make it to his 60th birthday. Instead he died 3 months later, not because the kidney didn't work but because he contracted an antibiotic resistant infection that took his life. Is still question why and probably always will.
The pain you feel now is incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it. I hope you'll continue to come here as a place to express your thoughts and feelings. It really helped me when I found this site. I felt like I finally found "my people".
I wish you peace in your day.