Another start of a new month! Still feels like I got sucker punched in the gut! I hurt soooo very deeply! I am Praying unceasingly! I am trying to submit to God's will here, but this is tough! It is going on 7 months. The lonliness has to be the worst! I try to stay in Prayer for peace, or keep my mind active, but am sinking faster than I know how to deal with it! No children, young, have heard more times than I can count, and hurl....your sooo young n pretty, you'll marry again! Seriously?.? They obviously have never lost a spouse n bestest friend! It def gets harder as days alone progress. People have all slowly dissipated into their lives. Yes , I have help, but it's always somebodyelses husband!, I have a husband! I want HIM to take care of me! Not anybody else! Sleep...what's that? How long can one cry~constantly? Why did this happen to me? Why when the rest of the world seems to be spinning all around me, I can barely function?.And the fatigue...! WOW! Absolutely no desire, no strength, I Praise God, for giving me each day to endure! I am trusting Him to get me through this, as I have noone else! Everybody says...your not alone! Well I say...Look next to me, do you see anyone here?? I am alone, I wake up alone, I go through the day alone, I fall asleep alone! Just the simple pleasure of human contact...talking with my husband, enjoying a meal together...the simple fact of sitting down and eating with him! Meals...what are they? I eat, when I can force it down, and it is just any old thing. I miss dinners! I miss him looking at me! I miss holding his hand! I miss being loved! I miss it all! Now what, spend everyday, the rest of my life alone and mourninggggggg?.?.?Help Lord please....! Thank You for not leaving me, ever! In the lonely wee hours, I feel You there! Please take this lonliness and pain, in Jesus Name! Amen!