My dear husband passed away in mid December.  He was only 58.  It wasn't completely sudden - he had severe pneumonia in January of last year and after that it was complication after complication.  So while I and my two sons (early 20s) knew that he had serious issues, it wasn't until about two weeks before he died that we all got the "nothing more we can do" message.  Until then we'd been realistic, but still hopeful.  We'd been married for 31 years and we were all very close.

However - I have a sister who has said (more than once, though she claims it's only once) "call me and let me help when you want to start going through his things!"  I'm not proud about what I said to her yesterday...I'm just not ready.  She was defensive - "no, I don't keep saying that to you!" - well, it's been less than two months, isn't that pretty persistent?  Yes, I know that I have to do this eventually, but what's the rush?  Has anyone else here had to deal with this kind of stuff?

I only just joined today.

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Hello, I lost my husband February 21, 2010, he was like for most of you, my life, my best friend, my lover, my everything, for 35 years.  I have just now started "going through" his things.  I have done a little at a time.  First the medications, care products, etc.  His clothes are still in the closet. When I decide to clean this closet I end up getting rid of more of my things then his. I don't think there is any special "time". You will know when you are ready and that is when it should be done.  trust yourself. This is a long journey that sadly, has to be taken. But take it at your own speed. We are all so different, with so much in common. Enjoy those "good" moments you have and except and allow those rough ones.  Can't go under it, around it, or over it, you must go through it.  I am sorry, I still feel like it all happened yesterday.  I have no idea what my future holds. I haven't considered anything but just getting through the day.  Take care of yourself and your sons.  Sending prayers and hopes of strength.  Nevi

Thanks to both of you.

I did already tell her - and unfortunately not very politely. But I don't think she gets it. She has the attitude "it will make me feel so good to help" and I'd like to say "this is not about you...."

karen: when you are ready to get rid of some of your husbands clothes etc then do it. keep a few items for yourself something to hold on to or wear a shirt of his (favorite one) when george passed i was so so angry my sister and i went thru his things and gave most of them to the salvation army.i dept a few shirts of his maybe one or two of his favorites. do not listen to anyone do what you must do when you want to hugs to you


it has only been three and a half weeks since i lost my husband and i cannot even think about getting rid of anything.  the pants he wore last are still hanging on the inversion table in our bedroom; his glasses are still on his nighttable; everything is still in its "place."  a friend of mine was over the other day to clean my house and she asked if there was any place she should not go.  my first and obvious response bedroom.  she understood completely.  i do not want anything touched in my room, especially by someone other than me.  i did give my SIL some t-shirts, but she lives in a different state and i did not want her to go without having something of his (she is his favorite sister).  she has been wonderful to me thru this whole ordeal.  karen, when you can deal with going thru his stuff, that is when you do it.  not when your sister wants to.

p.s. listen to jane...find maggie's post and print it out.  i did and posted it on my office door.  it has done wonders for those of my co-workers/friends who have read it.  if your sister doesn't get it, then it is her problem, not yours.

It's been two years since my wife passed away and her things are still in her drawers and closet.not sure if i will ever be ready to get rid of her things.


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