this is what is going on first i feel i am having another meltdown the reason i say this is because last night i did not get to sleep for a long time i felt i had a conversation with george regarding   how i am handling the money  it is not much very little in fact  i remember him complaining of the money i am spending i  tried to tell him  from now on i will not spend as much as i was doing. yesterday i thought i heard him call my name softley i notice myself crying talking to him asking him why he left me it seems this is the only question i ask over and over again. this morning i could not stop crying i opened my cell phone and kissed him with tears running down my face does he realize what i am going thru. i think if he knew what this is doing to me he would stop it somehow i know george he never liked to see me crying. i thought i would be able to handling christmas but i do not even want to  hear christmas songs what i going on i wish i knew sorry but i had to left every thing off my chest.i heard a song this morning called you are still living that started me off i hope you do not mind me venting soo early thanks

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Oh Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. My Donnie does the same with me. Seems maybe he and George have become buddies and want us to get our heads together! You know George is watching over you out of love. He will always be in your heart. I talk to my Donnie every night and every morning. Don keeps telling me to be happy, he is okay, and will be there when my time comes. I'm sure your George will be there for you when it is your time.

My doctor to advised me to wrap all those feelings in a box, put it in the back of my mind, and do what I have to do every day. Pick a time and place to open the box and deal with the tears, questions, grief, anger or whatever for a given time, then wrap it back up. It takes a little practice, but it does help get thru the day.

I have to believe we were left behind because our work here is not done. God has other plans for us. I too cannot tolerate a lot of music I used to love. "Blue Christmas" will do it every time! I cried in Hobby Lobby and Hallmark this week. Big mistake to go Christmas shopping alone! HUGS & PRAYERS TO YOU
Oh Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. My Donnie does the same with me. Seems maybe he and George have become buddies and want us to get our heads together! You know George is watching over you out of love. He will always be in your heart. I talk to my Donnie every night and every morning. Don keeps telling me to be happy, he is okay, and will be there when my time comes. I'm sure your George will be there for you when it is your time.

My doctor to advised me to wrap all those feelings in a box, put it in the back of my mind, and do what I have to do every day. Pick a time and place to open the box and deal with the tears, questions, grief, anger or whatever for a given time, then wrap it back up. It takes a little practice, but it does help get thru the day.

I have to believe we were left behind because our work here is not done. God has other plans for us. I too cannot tolerate a lot of music I used to love. "Blue Christmas" will do it every time! I cried in Hobby Lobby and Hallmark this week. Big mistake to go Christmas shopping alone! HUGS & PRAYERS TO YOU
tereca thank you for responding to my comment. i wish i could wrap the feeling in a box and put in in the back of my mind. if i could i would need the biggest box i could find. george and i were married 34 1/2 years he passed 4 mos before our 35th anniversity. i agree with you maybe george and don became friends with all the others spouses on this site. i go into these spells i cry talk to him and also go home to a empty house which use to be a loving house. again thanks for the suggestion
Oh it is difficult to learn to wrap all that emotion and pain up and store it for a certain time. I find myself tugging at the ribbon, but try to persevere. Sometimes it does not help and I have the infamous meltdown. Other times I hold on till the right time for me to really open in and look deep within myself for the way to go on. Our 35th anniversary will be Jan 25. We met when we were 15. At the end of our very first conversation Donnie told me he was going to marry me some day. I thought he must be high! 3 years later, after being best friends for 3 years we married. He died 3 days after his 54th birthday. leiomyosarcoma is very rare, untreatable, and very fast. I was only 9 weeks after his diagnosis that he was gone. I do thank God that he did not suffer. He wasn't really sick, just didn't feel good, and was really tired. The last 3 days were tough, but I sayed by his side nonstop and am so very glad I could do that for him. He died at home, in my arms, just as he wanted. Our doctor and pharmacist helped by providing medication so he had no pain. His last words were "I love you". But I try really hard to focus on all the good years, not the dying.

Don's biggest concern was that I keep my options open, and be happy. He knows I will never love anybody the way I love him, but he also wanted me to move on. Eventually I will, just not now. Part of me is missing, and it hurts way too bad to even consider moving on.

I had to concentrate really hard, and truly imagine wrapping all this pain in a beautiful blue box with blue ribbons (Don's favorite color). It's like an athlete imagining winning the race before they start. I has been a very helpful exercise for me. Hope you find your way ....HUGS & Prayers
Kathy, I know what you mean I have been crying all day. I just keep asking Joe why he left me here. I don't want to be doing this anymore. I am having to get his business closed down and get rid of all of his work things, not because I want to but I have to no choice. All I keep thinking about is how we loved snuggling up together on these cold nights, he hated the cold so much, and we live in Florida, can't even imagine if we lived somewhere else. I know he loved me very much and that he didn't want to leave me, it was a surprise to him too! I just keep asking him why and he won't tell me. I'm not sleeping again, because I can't stand not having him there with me, I feel so alone. I have grown daughters but they have there lives to live and i want them to. I just talked to my sister or rather yelled at her because she can't understand why I cry, she thinks that its because of stupid things, all I could yell at her was my husband is dead and I don't want to be without him. Now I feel bad for yelling at her, but I just don't think I should have to explain. I sometimes wonder if this would be easier if things were different between Joe and I but they were perfect, I loved him and he loved me so very much and it just hurts so bad to know that its over and there is nothing I can do to change that, no matter how much I cry or scream or yell. Well its taken me more that 30 min to write this, thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder, but i had to. Please try to have a good night and I will try to. One day we may be happy again this I will pray for, for everyone here. Thank you Kay

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