Help, my family thinks I should be taking some kind of drugs to help me relax & sleep better and say I should try seeing a therapist. I don't want to do either. I'm curious how the majority of grieving spouses recover? I am having a difficult time concentrating & I lose it several times a day but I'm afraid if I start taking drugs I may never quit. This pain will always be with me- I am only half a person now. It has been 3 months since Larry died suddenly from a work related accident- he was 38 yrs. old. This is still unreal.

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Replies to This Discussion

Many have taken drugs and see therapists. It is your call. If you can, seeing your physician might help make the decision. Losing it several times a day at the 3 month mark is definitely normal so don't feel you are doing anything wrong or that there is anything wrong with you. This is a roller coaster ride and you have a lot to deal with. Family often don't understand so feel offering this suggestion is also normal. Take care of yourself..
Christy, many thought the same thing for me. I just lost my other half and soulmate Doug 8 and a half weeks ago. I did join a face to face grief group in my area and it was shared that it is best not to mask the grief, it is all part of healing. We supposedly aren't going crazy and don't need to be on drug therapy per say. It is your call but know you aren't alone with all of these MIXED up emotions. Yes, how surrealistic life becomes to me too. HUGS. Ellen~
christy, i lost my husband and best friend 9 months ago. i have gone to two grief support groups and really dont feel like it has helped a whole lot. how ever that is just how i feel.we all are going to probably react differently to certain situations.i have been toying with the idea of a therapist for about 3 months now, and finally made an appointment to give it a try. i dont really want to have to get on any drugs but if it turns out i have too, then i will. i have to at least feel like i am trying to go forward, because i have felt myself backsliding more and more each day. they talk about that dark black hole called depression and i have fallen into it.i feel alot of the time that i am headed for a nervous breakdown and that really scares me so i have to try and find out what i can do that will work for me.just do what feels right for you.just remember it has only been 3 months for you, you are still in the very early stages of grief.hugs to you. cindy
Thank you for your input. I am sorry for your loss as well. People just don't know how truely blessed they are- I mean you know you are blessed, but when you lose your life partner....it's just way worse than people generally assume. God bless & keep each of us!


Ellen Brant said:
Christy, many thought the same thing for me. I just lost my other half and soulmate Doug 8 and a half weeks ago. I did join a face to face grief group in my area and it was shared that it is best not to mask the grief, it is all part of healing. We supposedly aren't going crazy and don't need to be on drug therapy per say. It is your call but know you aren't alone with all of these MIXED up emotions. Yes, how surrealistic life becomes to me too. HUGS. Ellen~
christy: first of all i am sorry for your loss i lost george 21 months tomorrow i felt that i need to do something for myself so i went to a therapist she helped because i could say whatever i wanted get angry and cry. she listened to me and when i left the office i felt a little better. as months went on i stopped seeing her and found this website i notice that i am doing better on this site than seeing a doctor. i went to my heart doctor and told him about me not sleeping well at night my sister took pills for sleeping non subscription simanix well i took it it knocked me out i got up at 8 at night got dressed and ran down that stairs she opened her door and asked me where i was going i told her to work she told me kathy it is 8 at night go back upstairs and go to bed i did i know my insurance covered my therapist good luck hugs are good
Thank you Cindy for your reply. You made sense. I think as long as I can function for the majority of the day at an acceptable level I'm o.k. Maybe I could go to my physician as Kathy said. I did go about 1 month after Larry passed because I thought I had the flu but my mother went with me & told them what was happening & they wanted to prescribe me something. I refused & the Dr. sd. they would see me back in 3 months! That really upset me but I guess they see this enough to know. Thanks again & best wishes to you: HUGS, Christy


CINDY POWELL said:
christy, i lost my husband and best friend 9 months ago. i have gone to two grief support groups and really dont feel like it has helped a whole lot. how ever that is just how i feel.we all are going to probably react differently to certain situations.i have been toying with the idea of a therapist for about 3 months now, and finally made an appointment to give it a try. i dont really want to have to get on any drugs but if it turns out i have too, then i will. i have to at least feel like i am trying to go forward, because i have felt myself backsliding more and more each day. they talk about that dark black hole called depression and i have fallen into it.i feel alot of the time that i am headed for a nervous breakdown and that really scares me so i have to try and find out what i can do that will work for me.just do what feels right for you.just remember it has only been 3 months for you, you are still in the very early stages of grief.hugs to you. cindy
Thank you Kathy for sharing. I think this site helps me more than a therapist could also. I just don't feel comfortable w/ the idea of sitting face to face w/ a stranger sharing my insanity & emotional turmoil! As for sleeping, usually I'll take a Benedryl tablet at night & it usually helps but I sometimes wake in a panic & can't get back to sleep or just wake in the morning in a real panic that takes time & focus to recover from! My thoughts & prayers are with you & each of us here. Thanks again-Christy


kathy obiedzinski said:
christy: first of all i am sorry for your loss i lost george 21 months tomorrow i felt that i need to do something for myself so i went to a therapist she helped because i could say whatever i wanted get angry and cry. she listened to me and when i left the office i felt a little better. as months went on i stopped seeing her and found this website i notice that i am doing better on this site than seeing a doctor. i went to my heart doctor and told him about me not sleeping well at night my sister took pills for sleeping non subscription simanix well i took it it knocked me out i got up at 8 at night got dressed and ran down that stairs she opened her door and asked me where i was going i told her to work she told me kathy it is 8 at night go back upstairs and go to bed i did i know my insurance covered my therapist good luck hugs are good
Christy, This i can speak from experience on. My Joe left on Aug 17, 2010. so its been about the same amount of time for us both. I had suffered from depression before, during treatment for a chronic illness and had taken several different medications for sleep and depression. After several years I decided on my own that I wanted to see who I really was again and I wasn't to far from who I really was, but I am glad I stopped taking them. When Joe died I found myself, in the same boat as before only I could recognize it this time it didn't take a episode for me to know I needed help. Anyway, after Joe died I couldn't sleep at all, and I started to get nasty with people mainly because I was so tired. I went and saw my doctor and we talked for along time, about what happened and what was going on with me. We both decided that I should take something to help me sleep, or when I needed to get things under control a little. the first month I would take a pill when I went to bed and I stayed asleep all night which was nice, I still was home from my job so I could sleep to 8 or so in the morning. By the 2nd month I wasn't taking them every night just when I was restless. I had stopped taking anything for about 3 weeks but I guess I am having a delayed reaction from Thanksgiving, so I can't sleep again, but as I have heard this is all a roller coaster ride. The therapist thing Did that too. I just don't feel like balling my eyes out in front of somebody who I have to pay to listen to me, thats why I come here to this site. You all have a choice to read or not and for that I am thankful no obligations. Your right the pain will be with us forever, my Joe and I were high school sweethearts and very best friends for 37 years, and the whole in my heart will always be there some days just bigger than others. And everyday I wish I could be with him we did everything together:) But talk with someone you feel you can trust, thats not so close to the situation, they can give you a more unbiased opinion. There is no shame in asking for help you deserve it we are going thru something you would never wish on anyone. Take care and if you need to talk let me know by email is supernanaof2@yahoo.com
Kay, thank you. I will take you up on your offer of writing if I feel the need & I hope you will do the same. As someone sd. here, our friends will gradually fade away & begin to "cringe" when we mention our loved ones- well, their timeline was more forgiving than people I know. Family & friends are already, after barely 3 months, beginning to grow tired of my grief & really even when I mention him in happy terms they still make me feel as if I am raining on their parade! It's nice to know we have friends here that understand this is something we will never completely "recover" from. People just don't understand how difficult it is to buy groceries, cook, or even watch t.v. by yourself. I am used to having him always by my side & more than anything, always trying to make him happy. Making him happy made me happy. Now I feel empty & alone & life seems quite pointless. Sorry to end on a sour note but I will go now & pray & re-focus on something positive. My best to you-Christy


Kay Arcuni said:
Christy, This i can speak from experience on. My Joe left on Aug 17, 2010. so its been about the same amount of time for us both. I had suffered from depression before, during treatment for a chronic illness and had taken several different medications for sleep and depression. After several years I decided on my own that I wanted to see who I really was again and I wasn't to far from who I really was, but I am glad I stopped taking them. When Joe died I found myself, in the same boat as before only I could recognize it this time it didn't take a episode for me to know I needed help. Anyway, after Joe died I couldn't sleep at all, and I started to get nasty with people mainly because I was so tired. I went and saw my doctor and we talked for along time, about what happened and what was going on with me. We both decided that I should take something to help me sleep, or when I needed to get things under control a little. the first month I would take a pill when I went to bed and I stayed asleep all night which was nice, I still was home from my job so I could sleep to 8 or so in the morning. By the 2nd month I wasn't taking them every night just when I was restless. I had stopped taking anything for about 3 weeks but I guess I am having a delayed reaction from Thanksgiving, so I can't sleep again, but as I have heard this is all a roller coaster ride. The therapist thing Did that too. I just don't feel like balling my eyes out in front of somebody who I have to pay to listen to me, thats why I come here to this site. You all have a choice to read or not and for that I am thankful no obligations. Your right the pain will be with us forever, my Joe and I were high school sweethearts and very best friends for 37 years, and the whole in my heart will always be there some days just bigger than others. And everyday I wish I could be with him we did everything together:) But talk with someone you feel you can trust, thats not so close to the situation, they can give you a more unbiased opinion. There is no shame in asking for help you deserve it we are going thru something you would never wish on anyone. Take care and if you need to talk let me know by email is supernanaof2@yahoo.com
Christy, thank you for the reply. I know what you mean, I talk about him non stop though as if he is still with me, and to be honest I don't care if it bothers anyone else. He was my life, my everything and I want everyone to know it. You try to have a good day and we will speak again I'm sure.

Christy said:
Kay, thank you. I will take you up on your offer of writing if I feel the need & I hope you will do the same. As someone sd. here, our friends will gradually fade away & begin to "cringe" when we mention our loved ones- well, their timeline was more forgiving than people I know. Family & friends are already, after barely 3 months, beginning to grow tired of my grief & really even when I mention him in happy terms they still make me feel as if I am raining on their parade! It's nice to know we have friends here that understand this is something we will never completely "recover" from. People just don't understand how difficult it is to buy groceries, cook, or even watch t.v. by yourself. I am used to having him always by my side & more than anything, always trying to make him happy. Making him happy made me happy. Now I feel empty & alone & life seems quite pointless. Sorry to end on a sour note but I will go now & pray & re-focus on something positive. My best to you-Christy


Kay Arcuni said:
Christy, This i can speak from experience on. My Joe left on Aug 17, 2010. so its been about the same amount of time for us both. I had suffered from depression before, during treatment for a chronic illness and had taken several different medications for sleep and depression. After several years I decided on my own that I wanted to see who I really was again and I wasn't to far from who I really was, but I am glad I stopped taking them. When Joe died I found myself, in the same boat as before only I could recognize it this time it didn't take a episode for me to know I needed help. Anyway, after Joe died I couldn't sleep at all, and I started to get nasty with people mainly because I was so tired. I went and saw my doctor and we talked for along time, about what happened and what was going on with me. We both decided that I should take something to help me sleep, or when I needed to get things under control a little. the first month I would take a pill when I went to bed and I stayed asleep all night which was nice, I still was home from my job so I could sleep to 8 or so in the morning. By the 2nd month I wasn't taking them every night just when I was restless. I had stopped taking anything for about 3 weeks but I guess I am having a delayed reaction from Thanksgiving, so I can't sleep again, but as I have heard this is all a roller coaster ride. The therapist thing Did that too. I just don't feel like balling my eyes out in front of somebody who I have to pay to listen to me, thats why I come here to this site. You all have a choice to read or not and for that I am thankful no obligations. Your right the pain will be with us forever, my Joe and I were high school sweethearts and very best friends for 37 years, and the whole in my heart will always be there some days just bigger than others. And everyday I wish I could be with him we did everything together:) But talk with someone you feel you can trust, thats not so close to the situation, they can give you a more unbiased opinion. There is no shame in asking for help you deserve it we are going thru something you would never wish on anyone. Take care and if you need to talk let me know by email is supernanaof2@yahoo.com
I feel so sorry for you loss, it is six months of being alone for me. I am in therapy, grieving is so bad. And people just dont understand. I am still in denial according to my therapist, I just cant look at a photo, of my husband, I seem to get a pain in my heart, whenever I have to read his mail, or see his clothes, etc. My mind is so foggy, I forget things I do five minutes ago. I have now forgotten how to read this site, it seems to have changed since yesterday or is it me. I place lots of hugs to the wind for you, and God bless
Thank you Fay.


Fay said:
I feel so sorry for you loss, it is six months of being alone for me. I am in therapy, grieving is so bad. And people just dont understand. I am still in denial according to my therapist, I just cant look at a photo, of my husband, I seem to get a pain in my heart, whenever I have to read his mail, or see his clothes, etc. My mind is so foggy, I forget things I do five minutes ago. I have now forgotten how to read this site, it seems to have changed since yesterday or is it me. I place lots of hugs to the wind for you, and God bless

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