As for myself, I will never take off my rings. When Neal and I got married it was for better or worse until death do us part. I will always be married to Neal until I too pass away. So far no one has suggested to me that I take them off. I guess they know if they did, I would probably go belistic. The councelor I went to when Neal first passed told me on my first visit I should go through his things and remove them. This was just a little over a month after Neal passed. I saw her about 4 or 5 times and everytime she told me the same thing. I finally quit going to her. I may be depressed, devastated and not know who I am now, but no one is going to tell me what to do or when to remove Neals things.
For some people it is right to remove their spouses things or give them away and for others we might not ever do that. It is a personal choice, what ever seems right for you. That is what you should do.
I read somewhere that after a death, you should not make any major decisions for at least a year. I have thought about what I should do with some of Neal's things like his boat, our jeep we kept at the beach and our beach place. But I just am not ready to do anything about them. My sons have been so good as they tell me whatever I want to do they will be behind me all the way. So for now I don't do anything. So everyone just do what is in your heart and you will do the right thing. HUGS
Thank you all for all of your opinions. I am one who normally holds every bit of emotion in. I have been doing everything I can to get past these emotions and feelings all by myself, and I have to say it is totally overwhelming. I am a complete control freak in the sense that I need to feel like I am strong enough to handle it all. While my husband was in the hospital (he was there for 3+ months w/ a bone marrow transplant and Graft v. Host), I wouldn't let anyone help me. Through his time at home, only the hospice nurses were the only ones to help....I have always had this need for not admitting weakness, letting myslef know that I could do it, was a must. Even at work, I didn't let any of my coworkers know (other than my boss who had to). I only see them once every couple of weeks (we work very independently) and I just knew I couldn't handle all of the questions and the infamous looks that we all have gotten. Now, I realize, doing this by myself is just not an option. Everything I have held in for the past year has totally consumed me and there is nothing left. I have no desire to continue on life's journey, except for the fact that I have my wonderful children, who need me more than ever. I made a promise to my husband to make sure they grow up happy and safe. I can't break that promise. So even though, I feel like giving up at least a couple of times a day....I know that is not an option.
Anyway, sorry I am rambling...I seem to do that more and more. thank you so much for your opinion on this topic. People I have talked to here believe I am unrealistic to think that that I will never take them off, that my saying that he is my husband, and always will be, is just a way of not allowing myself to heal. I totally disagree. I think it is a way of honoring the love we had and will always have. I know there are people who "move on", have other relationships, and even remarry....I have had my husband and I was so very lucky to have had him even if it was only for our 12 years together. I will love and honor him until the day I die. He was the most wonderful man I have ever and will ever meet and am so lucky to call him my husband---as yes, I will be a Mrs. always, too. I am honored to have that title.
Amen to all of you! Love the concluding note - "you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself". Those well intending people with all this great advice should start wearing duct tape on their mouths.
I have a quote in my office "A closed mouth never gathers any feet". I also love "It is better to remain silent and let others think you are stupid then to open your mouth and convince them it is true." I think along with wearing our wedding rings or our spouse's ring/s on a chain around our necks we need to have these signs with us at all times and hold them up when people say such ridiculous stuff to us. I'd love to see their jaws drop.....
1. Don't believe them when they say is there anything we can do.... (at least most - there really are some people who are sincere).
2. Be willing to make new friends.
3. Hire someone to get the job done if you can afford it - it saves you the pain of being let down by empty promises.
4. Do what is right for you - don't feel that you have to rush to clean out your spouses belongings or take off your wedding rings, etc.
5.Feel free to vent to us - we get it and care and most of all we do know how it feels...may blessings come to all of you.
My advice is simple and will sound like what many others will say or have said, "Only you know what will work and is best for you!". I know you truly and deeply love your husband and those rings serve as a symbol of that love. Most people fail to realize the love lives on long after the physical being is gone. When my Rosie could no longer wear her rings on her fingers, first because she would hurt herself when seizing then because they were to large for her fingers, she wore them proudly on a chain. I now keep that chain, her medic alert chain and bracelet, and her rings on my nightstand.
I do not think there is a set time for anything to happen to hasten our mourning and grieving. I, also, think anyone that tells you otherwise is clueless and heartless.
I know how you feel... although my husband hadn't been gone very long, I can't ever imagine not wearing my wedding ring. I only had one (big sapphire) didn't want the set, as first ring is big. It is part of me, part of US! I have a necklace charm that holds his wedding ring that I wear all the time. I know he's gone, but the wound is fairly fresh... (still not used to the widow thing either)
I can't imagine not wearing it, but maybe some day, if I ever want to date again (I'm only 37) then I guess I'd wear on the other hand. I LOVE MY RING, it's gorgeous, and even if it ever becomes "not my wedding ring" I can't see not wearing it.
Everyone deals w/ their loss in a different way, at "THEIR OWN PACE" so if you're simply not ready to stop wearing it, or change the way you wear it then DON'T!!! Who cares what "they think/say" when and if they ever face this hell, they can deal with it how they want!