I found this and I thought it might be helpful for all of us. Let me know what you think about it.

When our spouses die.doc

I hope everyone enjoys their day and can find one positive thing to do today.

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THANK YOU FOR SHARING IT REALLY HELPED ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME BUT I KNOW LIFE GOES ON. I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME BUT REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PAIN I FEEL EVERYDAY FOR THE LAST 6 1/2 MONTHS. GOD BLESS EVERYONE ON THIS WEBSITE I READ THE COMMENTS EVERYDAY YOU HAVE HELPED ME ALONG THE WAY.
barb, thank you so much for sharing that article. it was so very true.
i think i am going crazy because i feel him and hear him.my friends say that i am normal i always depend on my husband now i am scared that i am not going to make on my own.
Brenda, it is scary to think from now on we are on our own. I am afraid of my future without Brad, but we have to take baby steps....one day at a time! That's good that you can hear him feel him. Then you know he is with you and he's going to help you through this. You are not alone!


brenda miller said:
i think i am going crazy because i feel him and hear him.my friends say that i am normal i always depend on my husband now i am scared that i am not going to make on my own.
Barb,

Thanks for sharing this. I think I could have wrote this (we all probably did). For me, especially the part about being a completely different person. That's me. I used to be the one to make sure everyone was ok, I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings. I was perfectly happy making everyone else happy..now, I only care that my family is happy. To the rest of the world, I have an "I don't shivagit attitude" (give a sh.t) That is so unlike me...I never used to swear...and just last year I said sh.t in the car with my son and he lost it.. he laughed so hard and was in such shock..he couldn't believe I said that...He said, "Mom, I've never heard you say that or anything like that" and he was 14 at the time. I tell people like it is now and I don't hold back. I remember once, one of my Daycare moms tried to compare my loss to divorce...oh man did she get a mouthful from me...don't even go there! Then as I was going through dealing with this new life, my oldest daughter couch bound because of her broken ankle, and another daughter was about to have a baby any day, this same mom was trying to tell me when I needed to be available to watch her son....oh, no...this is when I'm available if it doesn't work for you, I'm not playing your game...needless to say I was done watching all kids after that..I told her and my others to find new daycare because my life was too chaotic to be at their beck and call (I was more tactful in telling them I couldn't do daycare anymore). Wow, I am just not a very nice person anymore, at least to those that pee me off, anyway.

I've really become hardened to other's dilemmas...their little piddley dramas are nothing compared to what we each go through everyday. The future scares the he.. out of me. I have no idea what to expect, I just go along everyday and take whatever comes my way. Thank God I have each of you to share my thoughts and craziness with, at least I know you understand. Thank for always being there.

Anyway, as I ramble on...I really am glad you shared that story, it is so fitting.

Hugs.
thanks Barb. This was perfect to share. It is amazing how people "think" you should feel and know whats best for us. They do not have a clue. At my support meeting last week we were discussing the difference between divorce and death (I've been divorced 3 times). I said the finality of it because divorced people always feel something could change or you still deal with that person with your children and stuff. Death is so completely different and final. When I told the lady at social security I thought I wasn't eligible for Bill's widows benefits cus we were only married 4 1/2 years she said "wouldnt you still be married if he didn't die?" I said of course. She said that is why they don't have the 10 year penalty like divorce. That was so nice to know and his benefits do really help. We must live our "new" life the best we can and we all know it will get "tolerable" eventually but it doesn't make us miss them anymore or wish they were beside us any less. It's 8 months for me today and I just want him sitting here talking to me so much but like he was before, healthy and active and loving life. He never wanted to be in pain or a burden so he made his choice and was resigned to it. He just didn't want me to suffer. He knew how it felt cus he had been a widower himself for 5 years when we met. I told him short of me walking outside in front of a car I really didn't have a lot of choice in the matter. So happy to be able to share with all of you.. hugs
That was a really good article. I do feel different. Sometimes I really get annoyed with peoples petty complaints and I want to shout you are having a bad hair day!?!I am having a bad life day.
The wording is perfect! I shared this document with the widow support group that I attend here at my workplace. The EAP put together this support group and it has helped me a lot, especially since the feelings of loss do not go away just because I am at work. The document was well received and I thank you for sharing.

In Peace,

Brigitte
This is such a good article. I am having a difficult time of it today.So many changes, I can't keep track of it all. I keep trying to get back to me and I guess I'll never be that me again. That is something I have to realize too. It has only been 2 wks today, how have you all managed this pain for as long as you have? My thoughts and prayers to all.
Managing the pain is a day to day thing. Sometimes hour to hour. It will be five months on the 19th. I still hurt like it was today but I get through. Thinking about you and hugs.

Barbara Roth said:
This is such a good article. I am having a difficult time of it today.So many changes, I can't keep track of it all. I keep trying to get back to me and I guess I'll never be that me again. That is something I have to realize too. It has only been 2 wks today, how have you all managed this pain for as long as you have? My thoughts and prayers to all.
Thank you Barb for posting that- I'm glad I found it too- I need to print it out. The "over- achievers" part made me lol! I agree IF we can face each day with a new perspective, not as we have become accustomed to over the years, but with our new eyes, we definitely have more to offer the world around us. I read the other day that God comforts us not so we will be comfortable, but so we can comfort others. I agree, now where are my shades? P.S. That's my attempt at being funny- the future so bright.... lame I know.
Barb,

I absolutely love this article. Like I stated earlier, I shared it with my Widow Support Group at my workplace and it has/is helping other women like us come to terms with the tragedy they have just experienced. I also sent this to my inlaws! Actually, I refer to them as "outlaws" because they have been less then pleasant to deal with since Douglas died. One sister-in-law called me immediately and was crying. She had "no idea" of what I was actually feeling or going through. Her one comment that sticks in my mind is this: "You and Douglas had such a spiritual connection that I envy because, although I am married, I never have nor will I experience that kind of love with my spouse that you and my brother shared." That statement I will carry with me forever. Someone actually understands the love Douglas and I shared (and still do, on a different level now). Whenever I get confused about the emotions I am experiencing I read this article. It reassures me that I am not crazy and what I am going through is normal for now. I am traveling a path of "new" normal to find some kind of normal -- is that weird or what??? So, I thank you again for sharing this. It is taped to my bathroom mirror, my computer monitor at work, and I carry it in my wallet. I never know when I am going to need that "gentle" reminder that all is "normal" and wanting to bonk the person next to me is most inappropriate! Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. We all deserve that and our loved ones would want us to have that as well.

Peace,

Brigitte

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