This past Friday, my daughter's best friend was killed in a car accident less than a mile from his house.  My daughter is so heart broken and I just don't know how to help her.  She's already had so many losses in this past 22 months...this is more than she can handle. 

It was a head on collision and it turns out, Nate, knew it was happening...he actually had pulled his car over as far as the snowbank would allow him and had stopped his car to get out of the way.  It happened to be another friend that had been drinking coming in the opposite direction, he was hit head on.  They just happened to be in the same place at the same time.  It was such a freak thing to happen.  Both men died instantly.  There are so many what ifs and woulda, shoulda, coulda's that keep rolling around in our heads.  My Amanda is so angry at the other guy who had not learned his lesson from being stopped for drinking before.  It hurts her to think about how scared Nate must have been seeing lights come at him and not being able to do anything about it.  She was interviewed by the local news station and I think that really helped her because she could tell the world what a great guy Nate is.

She is lost and sad and misses her best friend...she loves him so much.  They were not a couple, just the kind of friends that no matter how long you are apart, it is like time never passed when you are back together again.  I always teased them that eventually he would be my son-in-law one day.  And he would have been the best son-in-law. 

My heart breaks for her and I just do not know what to do or say...I'm still working through losing her Dad. 

I guess I just had to vent and share...it feels better to get it out.  I want to help her through this and make it not so hard.  I just don't know how.

Thanks for listening...hugs from me to you!

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So sorry for you and your daughter Marlena. What a traumatic situation. I have been so blessed that my Bill had time to make plans and arrangements and "talk" about his passing before it happened and what a difference I can see that makes when I read all these situations of accidents, murders, etc. Just be there for your daughter and let her cry and scream and get mad with you just as you tell us here. You understand that part and can tell her so and be there for her. We just had a young (47) mother of 2 teenagers commit suicide yesterday and I just can't fathom how her husband and children must feel. They are members of our church and she stayed home yesterday and did this while the rest of the family was at church. I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself yesterday when I heard this all I could think was, what the heck could have pushed this dear woman over the edge. She and I worked the church nursery together just last sunday and she was so nice and friendly. Her 2 year old grandson and my 2 year old great grandson happened to both be in he nursery too playing together. I feel so sad this little boy won't know his grandma now..
Marlena,

I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy and it's effect on your daughter and you. I lost the next oldest sibling in my family from me, a sister and her husband to 2 drunk drivers drag racing with their headlights off at night. They left 3 young children and many unfulfilled dreams behind, again a tragedy. But out of that painful day for me a small miracle happened about 9 months later my late wife gave birth to our only child together. Now this did not reduce or end the hurt from the loss but it did help ease the pain and give us some notion the circle of life does exist.

Because of the nature of this awful event those closest to these lost souls need to help others learn from it to avoid such pain and suffering. I hope your daughter and the families of these young men can find a way to heal.

Pete
Marlena, How sad. It is so hard to see your daughter hurting . Just be there for her, love her. Is there a support group that she could join? I don't know what else to say, but know that I am sorry that you have to go through this hurt also. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.  Hugs .
Marlena, How sad. It is so hard to see your daughter hurting . Just be there for her, love her. Is there a support group that she could join? I don't know what else to say, but know that I am sorry that you have to go through this hurt also. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.  Hugs .
So sorry to hear of this major loss for your daughter. I definitely would try and get her into counseling, or at least a support group. You know how hard this has been & continues to be for all of us; I can't imagine the pain for someone so young to go through such a major loss, especially as tragic as it was. Like the others of said, just be there for her & let her know it is ok to cry, scream and do whatever she needs to get thru this grief. My thoughts & prayers with both of you.

Thank you so much for all the responses.  Tonight we said our last goodbyes to Nate.  It is so hard to watch my daughter hurt.  I know she is not the only one...a facebook page was created, We miss you Nate Thomas, and there are 482 people on there with their own stories of love for Nate and I think almost all of them were at his services. 

I was so proud of my Amanda tonight.  She got up and spoke in front of everyone and shared her feelings.  I think doing that will help put her on the path to healing.

 

Kathy,

I have often thought about how a sudden death versus an illness affects us.  Sometimes I wish I had a warning with Tom, but then I think the supsense of the inevitable would be so hard to handle...the one good part would be being able to plan things and say everything that needs to be said.  The only thing I know for sure is that either way... we all hurt so much to be left here alone.  I am doing everything possible for Amanda to know I am here and it's okay to let it out...I wll be here to hold her up.

I cannot imagine the pain the family from your church is going through at this time.  I am still in amazement that such bad things can happen...none of this makes any sense.  Stories like this just break my heart for those left behind.  The whole family will be in my prayers.

 

Margarita,

Thank you for watching the video of Amanda.  She wants so much for the world to know who Nate was and what he was all about.  She is hurting so bad, but she has been so brave, too.  Thank you for the prayers and hugs.

 

Pete,

I am so sorry for your family's tremendous loss.  I still do not understand why these tragedies happen.  I know it is not for me to ask or to judge, but it is all so senseless.  

Someone said something about one life having to go so another new life can come into a family seems so true (It may have been someone on this site).  We lost Tom and then we got a new granddaughter.  I understand what you mean by your little one helping to ease the pain.  Our little one will never fill the hole Tom left, but she is a really good distraction somedays.

I am hoping that both families in this tragedy and all the friends are able to find some peace.

 

Barbara and Linda,

I am going to suggest she talk to someone...it will be good for her to get out all of the feelings she can't share with the rest of us.  I am so grateful we have a really great relationship so she can feel comfortable crying and sharing her hurt.  Thank you both so much for the thoughts and prayers. 

 

Thank you all for the love and support (even though it is not spouse related). It helps to be able to share here.  I so appreciate everyone's kind words. 

Peace, comfort, hugs!

Marlena, How is your daughter? I just read the post and know it has been over a week, so she has had some time to digest the idea of his death. I think your experience (and hers) will aid her in handling this newest heartbreak. My heartfelt prayers for all- Christy

Thank you, Christy.

Amanda is doing okay.  She has kept in constant contact with Nate's girlfriend (Amanda set them up) and has been to visit his mom. She did productive things like call the college that they go to (they all went to the same school) to find out what needed to be done about Nate's classes and she found out what to do for his girlfriend who wants to take a leave of absence from school because she can't face going there everyday.  These things I think make Amanda feel useful, like she is doing something for Nate. 
I think she is trying to do everything she can think of to keep busy and honor Nate. She is quite a kid, okay woman...I have to keep reminding myself she is a big girl, she is 24. I'm really proud of her, his family even let her go with them for family viewing at the funeral home and she spoke at the service.  As heartbroken as she is she is one tough cookie...I'm really proud of her.

Thanks for checking in, Christy. 

Hugs


Christy said:

Marlena, How is your daughter? I just read the post and know it has been over a week, so she has had some time to digest the idea of his death. I think your experience (and hers) will aid her in handling this newest heartbreak. My heartfelt prayers for all- Christy

Bless her heart... I understand why you are so proud of her. It's sounds like she had great role models.

;-)

Marlena said:

Thank you, Christy.

Amanda is doing okay.  She has kept in constant contact with Nate's girlfriend (Amanda set them up) and has been to visit his mom. She did productive things like call the college that they go to (they all went to the same school) to find out what needed to be done about Nate's classes and she found out what to do for his girlfriend who wants to take a leave of absence from school because she can't face going there everyday.  These things I think make Amanda feel useful, like she is doing something for Nate. 
I think she is trying to do everything she can think of to keep busy and honor Nate. She is quite a kid, okay woman...I have to keep reminding myself she is a big girl, she is 24. I'm really proud of her, his family even let her go with them for family viewing at the funeral home and she spoke at the service.  As heartbroken as she is she is one tough cookie...I'm really proud of her.

Thanks for checking in, Christy. 

Hugs


Christy said:

Marlena, How is your daughter? I just read the post and know it has been over a week, so she has had some time to digest the idea of his death. I think your experience (and hers) will aid her in handling this newest heartbreak. My heartfelt prayers for all- Christy

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