This past Friday, my daughter's best friend was killed in a car accident less than a mile from his house. My daughter is so heart broken and I just don't know how to help her. She's already had so many losses in this past 22 months...this is more than she can handle.
It was a head on collision and it turns out, Nate, knew it was happening...he actually had pulled his car over as far as the snowbank would allow him and had stopped his car to get out of the way. It happened to be another friend that had been drinking coming in the opposite direction, he was hit head on. They just happened to be in the same place at the same time. It was such a freak thing to happen. Both men died instantly. There are so many what ifs and woulda, shoulda, coulda's that keep rolling around in our heads. My Amanda is so angry at the other guy who had not learned his lesson from being stopped for drinking before. It hurts her to think about how scared Nate must have been seeing lights come at him and not being able to do anything about it. She was interviewed by the local news station and I think that really helped her because she could tell the world what a great guy Nate is.
She is lost and sad and misses her best friend...she loves him so much. They were not a couple, just the kind of friends that no matter how long you are apart, it is like time never passed when you are back together again. I always teased them that eventually he would be my son-in-law one day. And he would have been the best son-in-law.
My heart breaks for her and I just do not know what to do or say...I'm still working through losing her Dad.
I guess I just had to vent and share...it feels better to get it out. I want to help her through this and make it not so hard. I just don't know how.
Thanks for listening...hugs from me to you!
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Thank you so much for all the responses. Tonight we said our last goodbyes to Nate. It is so hard to watch my daughter hurt. I know she is not the only one...a facebook page was created, We miss you Nate Thomas, and there are 482 people on there with their own stories of love for Nate and I think almost all of them were at his services.
I was so proud of my Amanda tonight. She got up and spoke in front of everyone and shared her feelings. I think doing that will help put her on the path to healing.
Kathy,
I have often thought about how a sudden death versus an illness affects us. Sometimes I wish I had a warning with Tom, but then I think the supsense of the inevitable would be so hard to handle...the one good part would be being able to plan things and say everything that needs to be said. The only thing I know for sure is that either way... we all hurt so much to be left here alone. I am doing everything possible for Amanda to know I am here and it's okay to let it out...I wll be here to hold her up.
I cannot imagine the pain the family from your church is going through at this time. I am still in amazement that such bad things can happen...none of this makes any sense. Stories like this just break my heart for those left behind. The whole family will be in my prayers.
Margarita,
Thank you for watching the video of Amanda. She wants so much for the world to know who Nate was and what he was all about. She is hurting so bad, but she has been so brave, too. Thank you for the prayers and hugs.
Pete,
I am so sorry for your family's tremendous loss. I still do not understand why these tragedies happen. I know it is not for me to ask or to judge, but it is all so senseless.
Someone said something about one life having to go so another new life can come into a family seems so true (It may have been someone on this site). We lost Tom and then we got a new granddaughter. I understand what you mean by your little one helping to ease the pain. Our little one will never fill the hole Tom left, but she is a really good distraction somedays.
I am hoping that both families in this tragedy and all the friends are able to find some peace.
Barbara and Linda,
I am going to suggest she talk to someone...it will be good for her to get out all of the feelings she can't share with the rest of us. I am so grateful we have a really great relationship so she can feel comfortable crying and sharing her hurt. Thank you both so much for the thoughts and prayers.
Thank you all for the love and support (even though it is not spouse related). It helps to be able to share here. I so appreciate everyone's kind words.
Peace, comfort, hugs!
Thank you, Christy.
Amanda is doing okay. She has kept in constant contact with Nate's girlfriend (Amanda set them up) and has been to visit his mom. She did productive things like call the college that they go to (they all went to the same school) to find out what needed to be done about Nate's classes and she found out what to do for his girlfriend who wants to take a leave of absence from school because she can't face going there everyday. These things I think make Amanda feel useful, like she is doing something for Nate.
I think she is trying to do everything she can think of to keep busy and honor Nate. She is quite a kid, okay woman...I have to keep reminding myself she is a big girl, she is 24. I'm really proud of her, his family even let her go with them for family viewing at the funeral home and she spoke at the service. As heartbroken as she is she is one tough cookie...I'm really proud of her.
Thanks for checking in, Christy.
Hugs
Christy said:
Marlena, How is your daughter? I just read the post and know it has been over a week, so she has had some time to digest the idea of his death. I think your experience (and hers) will aid her in handling this newest heartbreak. My heartfelt prayers for all- Christy
Bless her heart... I understand why you are so proud of her. It's sounds like she had great role models.
;-)
Marlena said:
Thank you, Christy.
Amanda is doing okay. She has kept in constant contact with Nate's girlfriend (Amanda set them up) and has been to visit his mom. She did productive things like call the college that they go to (they all went to the same school) to find out what needed to be done about Nate's classes and she found out what to do for his girlfriend who wants to take a leave of absence from school because she can't face going there everyday. These things I think make Amanda feel useful, like she is doing something for Nate.
I think she is trying to do everything she can think of to keep busy and honor Nate. She is quite a kid, okay woman...I have to keep reminding myself she is a big girl, she is 24. I'm really proud of her, his family even let her go with them for family viewing at the funeral home and she spoke at the service. As heartbroken as she is she is one tough cookie...I'm really proud of her.Thanks for checking in, Christy.
Hugs
Christy said:Marlena, How is your daughter? I just read the post and know it has been over a week, so she has had some time to digest the idea of his death. I think your experience (and hers) will aid her in handling this newest heartbreak. My heartfelt prayers for all- Christy
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