Thanks to all of YOU!

I'm not on here much lately, but Barb and Connie got me thinking about how much you all mean to me. I am where I am today because of all of you! That goes for our new friends who I may not have even had a chance to talk with yet and all my "old" friends who have become a part of me along the way. Life is busy with my last semester of school, our three kids, a new granddaughter, and my niece that lives with me (who just came home from the hospital), but I still try to check in a read a few comments here and there and my heart breaks every time I read about a new friend added to our list. The stories that our new friends share and the encouragement you all give them not only helps them, but puts things into perspective and helps me, too!

Yesterday was Tom's two year Angelversary. It amazes me that I have made it this far...that I can get up each morning, do what needs to be done, and keep moving forward. As I have always said I will not move "on", but I will move forward because life insists that I do. I am a new person now from what I was those two years ago. I have gained back some of my strength, I have definitely gained back my confidence and although there are days that are definitely not easy, I am able to smile again more than I ever thought would be possible. You have all helped to make that happen for me. You all show courage and strength everyday...and I don't think you ever realize you do, but your words are strong and courageous and they help to bring about healing.

Tom is my one true love and I will hang onto him forever! I feel no less married now than I did two years ago and as much as I loved Tom back then, I love him even more now. He is my heart, my love, my life. I miss him everyday and would give anything to have our perfect life back, but we all know that is not to be. So, for now I bear the burden of this new life without Tom; I will love my children, friends, and family and hug them tighter than I did before. I will wait my turn to be back with Tom and live my life as I should while waiting.

You ALL are a part of the special group of friends that I hold especially close. You have given me so much encouragement and healing just by sharing your loves, yours stories, and your hearts. So, thank you ALL for the healing you have given me, the encouragement you have offered, and the strength to keep me moving forward. You are all amazing people who understand me more than my closest friends or family ever could. You "GET" what I feel, you walk this walk right beside me and carry me through this journey. So, with enormous gratitude...THANK YOU for always being there, always listening and understanding...and most importantly for helping me heal a little more each day!!!

I love you all and keep you close in my thoughts and prayers!

As a very special friend would say....

HUGS TO ALL...HUGS ARE GOOD!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 26, 2011 at 10:31pm

Maggie,

I have never been to a bereavement group. I have thought about it, but then I just never go. This is where I have been able to find the help and support I have needed to keep moving forward. I am glad that you were given the "heads up" that you needed to face having to sign the tax forms. That is what I mean about this group...we all offer something to each other and we don't always realize it.
There are so many little firsts that can knock us off our feet and getting through them can be so difficult. I am now working on my thirds and even though some things are more manageable, certain things still catch me off guard. I guess they probably will forever.

Peace and hugs to you as you continue on this path.

Maggie Poxson said:

This really its a great group of people, and I get so much from all of the comments... I did my taxes today. When I walked into the tax office...i dissolved into tears... I was soon back under control. When I signed our last joint tax forms as surviving spouse, I was prepared for it because of a post I read here. I was not blindsided. I had another first this week...someone that felt uncomfortable around me when I spoke of changes in my life because my husband is gone. Oh well... I tell people about my on line grieving group.... It is 24/7 not once a month ... If you can go. HUGS TO ALL

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on March 26, 2011 at 10:32pm

Marlene thank you for your showing that you can get to the next point. A lot of people, especially those for whom this is fresh think they will be in the position they are in now forever. It does work itself out to where you can function again. Trust me, it doesn't seem like it at first, but it will get there. The grief journey is a car that you drive at your speed down your path. Remember that and you can better understand and help yourself.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 26, 2011 at 10:49pm

Steve,

I really think we all owe You our thanks! If you did not create this site who knows where we would be. This place has been a saving grace for me. I have grown and changed and adapted to this new life because of everyone here. I like your analogy of the grief journey. You are so right, we are going down our own path at our own speed, but eventually, we will get where we need to be.

Thank you Steve, for having the insight to know how many people would need this place!

Steve Cain said:

Marlene thank you for your showing that you can get to the next point. A lot of people, especially those for whom this is fresh think they will be in the position they are in now forever. It does work itself out to where you can function again. Trust me, it doesn't seem like it at first, but it will get there. The grief journey is a car that you drive at your speed down your path. Remember that and you can better understand and help yourself.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 26, 2011 at 11:03pm

Barbara,

You are still so new to this way of life and the roller coaster seems to last forever. I know that doesn't sound very encouraging. My rollercoaster has less lows than it used to, but they still hit me from time to time. I know it is hard to believe right now that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, but it does happen a little at a time. One day you wake up and things are different...a little more manageable.

I plan on being here for a long time. I still get so much from everyone here. Soon I will have more time to check in (my classes will be over April 18th).

It is so hard to be alone after so much time being part of a team. We cannot take Jim's place, but we can be here to support you whenever you need it.

Take care of yourself.

Barbara Roth said:

Marlena and Virginia, Monday it'll be 5 months since I lost Jim, and the pain is still rather harsh. I need to hear that it will get easier, so I thank you both for giving me a glimmer of hope. I'm on that horrible emotional rollercoaster, one minute I'm proud of myself for all I've accomplished since Jim left, the next minute I'm a basket case. So please do me a favor, please check on us, give us some hope that it does level out. I miss Jim so much, 38 yrs together and now I'm alone. Hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on March 27, 2011 at 8:31am

I agree, where would we be if not for this site so I again say thank you Steve. Hugs to all

Marlena said:

Steve,

I really think we all owe You our thanks! If you did not create this site who knows where we would be. This place has been a saving grace for me. I have grown and changed and adapted to this new life because of everyone here. I like your analogy of the grief journey. You are so right, we are going down our own path at our own speed, but eventually, we will get where we need to be.

Thank you Steve, for having the insight to know how many people would need this place!

Steve Cain said:

Marlene thank you for your showing that you can get to the next point. A lot of people, especially those for whom this is fresh think they will be in the position they are in now forever. It does work itself out to where you can function again. Trust me, it doesn't seem like it at first, but it will get there. The grief journey is a car that you drive at your speed down your path. Remember that and you can better understand and help yourself.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 27, 2011 at 10:53am

Virginia,

We have certainly come a long way from a year ago. We now have an amazing group of friends we never expected to have.
I agree that sometimes I am just not sure what to say to our new friends. In the beginning, I know I did not want to hear that it will get better. I wanted to hang onto my grief...it was a part of the new me, and I felt that if I let it go, even a little bit, I was letting go of Tom. I now realize that is not true...we can get through our grief and still hang on to our loved one.

Virginia, we can be proof that slowly, but surely life becomes manageable and the pain subsides. I still constantly have Tom on my mind and there is still that dull, little ache way down deep inside. I don't think that will ever go away, but I am able to live my life. You have been blessed to have Randy by your side for the support you need and I know you give him support as well (which I think is amazing for both of you). To know where you both came from and to see where you are today is awesome. I am so happy for both of you!

So, life does change, we eventually find ways to cope, but as you said, nothing will ever be the same

Virginia said:

I'm back and the boys in school lol. As I said I still come here everyday to read the comments even tho somtimes it is hard to know what to say. As some may or may not know I am now in a relationship,I've written about it on my page and he also still comes to the site everyday.This is one of the reasons, not the only reason I find it a little hard to respond. I feel that when you are grieving the loss of your spouse or partner you don't want to to hear from someone who has found someone new. Most if not everyone can't imagene ( sorry for the spelling ) as I did that you would want to be with anyone else,because all you want is to die and be with them. I know many think how can you do that if you loved your spouse so much.Well I want to say that just because you find someone else doesn't mean you love your spouse any less ! We share and understand the pain and don't need to hide our feelings,we were not looking for someone new but it happened. That being said, as Marlena said life insist we move forward wether we want to or not. I was as many of you are in such a deep dark depression for well over a year even with meds untill on day laying on the couch staring aimlessly out the window, comming to this site several and I mean several times a day something came over me and I said I am not going to lay on this couch and wait to die, I am going to live my life untill my time is up. I was disabled almost a year before my husband passed and had nothing but time on my hands. My husband was sick for 10 yrs. and my life revolved around taking care of him and working then boom nothing he was gone, I couldn't work my life was over. When I finally had that revalation ( not a church goer but do believe ) life bacame bearable again. I started going out with friends for lunch or dinner,making myself get out. I think it is important for us older members to be here to share our journey with the new members to give encourgement and hopefully some guidence as was given to me when I found this wonderfull site. Hugs to all and yes hugs are good.
,Virginia said:
Marlena, what you have said is so true,even tho it took me almost a year to find this group.I sure wish I had found it earlier everyone that was here then was a godsend.I do believe you were one of them, without all the wonderfull people who were here then I don't know where I would have been now. Who knew that a group of people who are going thru the most horrifect unbelievable loss of their lives could be of comfort to each other. To be able to give such encourgment at a time when your world as you know it has ended was and is unbelievable. That is why after almost two years next month I'm still here trying to be of some support to our newer members. Even tho many of us older ones have moved on and as heartbreaking as it is to come and read the pain, I still feel the need to come here everyday and sometimes a few times a day. At times it is hard to respond, hard to say it will get easier because one never thinks it will or perhaps we don't want it to because all we really want is to be with our loved ones. I will continue my thoughts in a bit for now it's time to get the boy up for school. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 27, 2011 at 11:29am

Margarita,

Thank you...I am so grateful we all have each other. Hang on tight to Jose and all the memories you have made together. There is so much comfort in the memories.

margarita chacon said:

MARLENA LOTS OF HUGS FOR YOU I WIIL ALWAYS KEEP YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AND EVERY ONE IN THIS GROUP IM LIKE YOU I WILL AWAYS LOVE MY HUBBY FOR EVER

Permalink Reply by Marlena on March 27, 2011 at 11:39am

Linda,

I was lucky to find this site about three months after losing Tom. I was searching for some insight into my new life and found a couple of sites that were helpful, but this is where I found the most help and was really able to bond with the people here. This is definitely the place to be to find the support to make it through each day.
We all make a great team and you just never know what you will say to someone else or read from someone else that is exactly what was needed in that moment.

Linda O'Connor said:

Marlena, you are so right. This site is so wonderful & helpful to all of us. I didn't find it until after a yr, & now at 2 1/2 yrs. I have made some lifelong friends here & I'm so thankful for them. We all learn from each other, which is a good thing. Love, Prayers & Hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on March 27, 2011 at 2:27pm

This site has been my life saver. Michael died last June and I didn't fine this site till October. Halloween no less. I thought I would loose my mind, I had so many feelings and couldn't keep talking to friends and family. Maintaining control at work as well. I thought of myself as the captain of the family ship and it does not bode well for the captain to loose her mind. Coming here and realizing that my feelings were normal and that (sadly) there were people all over feeling the same way gave me great hope. The night I first came here I read and read and then sobbed with relieve. I am going on 9+ months and it is up/down. Just came off a bad week of weepiness but have calmed down. I keep talking about all of you and yes it is strange to think that I feel so close to all of you yet never met any of you in person. Thanks to all of you and it is great when old friends check in and to all new friends we are here for you 24/7. Hugs... Hugs are good....