Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 28, 2010 at 7:39am

Tracie, I am so sorry for your loss. Its been 17 months for me and I still am blurred.I dont really remember much of anything during the months that followed her sudden death.I know you feel that there is no point to anything.I know there is no motavation, no meaning,no purpose. Believe me, you will do when you will do, when you want and you will know if its right or not.We all have the symptoms and emotions of the loss.They will always be there.There is no magic wand,rules or instructions.We all share and understand on this site.Its good that we can vent our feelings and situations to others here who can sometimes give comfort and support.We all need and want it.Just hang in there Tracie. Do the best you can when you can.There is no time limit or schedule. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Doreen Johnson on September 28, 2010 at 7:57am

Amen Randolph....I know what you are talking about. For about 6 months I was totally in a fog. One day I woke up panicking about getting back to work and paying the bills. I wondered what the point was, since I really couldn't see a future and didn't care to continue on. Time has helped me start to get back into life a little. I have reconnected with girlfriends and since we are all around 50, have lots to talk about. Awesome to get back in touch with good friends who are good liasteners and care about me. In December it will be 5 years since my husband died. Feels like yesterday.....yet feels like a lifetime ago. Hugs to you both.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on September 28, 2010 at 8:54am

Doreen, thank you. Time does help somewhat. I find that although reality is still there and all of our sadness is there, I have hardened a bit.I suppose its great to have friends and family whether they help or not. I am not fortunate that way.Am alone and without any pupose. But, thats just me. Just plodding along and going with the flow of it.Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Liz on September 28, 2010 at 6:45pm

You just start. I lost my 27 year old husband a year and 7 almost 8 months ago... i had 2 young kids and my husband just was dead one morning when i woke up... he was the love of my life.my prince. i spent 8 yrs with him... 4.5 yrs of it was married... after he died, my parents just decided you are moving in with us. i lived there for about 3 months... i felt dead inside there. i felt like if i stayed there i wouldnt live. i wouldnt grow. so one day- i woke up and said i am moving out and living MY life. My husband wouldnt have wanted me to waste my life- he wouldnt have wanted me to live as i was living. our kids were our life. so i moved. i just woke up one day and said enough. i got an apartment. i got furniture. i got things i wanted to start my life. it was liberating in a sense bc for 8 yrs i thought about what WE wanted. In another sense, it helped me grieve him more. I have forced myself into some of the most awkard situations- bc a lot of our mutual friends dont want much to do with me anymore as i guess its hard for them to see me move on physically. but just bc one can move on does not mean there are not those days where you are brought back to your knees bc of what you lost. i miss my shawn every day. there is not one day that he does not cross my mind. but yes i have begun to move on. it starts with a single step. and every part of those steps will hurt like hell... but you can do it. and you have to do it. your husband would not want you to be like this. and while we all know he would not have wanted to leave you either- the sad fact is- he had to so the only thing we can do is move forward. my outlook is- i live for today. i live for my kids. and i live so that one day down the road- i will see my shawn. and until that day- i intend to do everything i can to make him proud. if you need a shoulder, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Liz