June 26, will mark three years since losing my wife Dawn to cancer and heart disease.  There was a time when I would go mountain biking, come home and tell her about my rides.  I haven't ridden in awhile now, last few times I did; I came home like any other time to an empty house (almost). 

Our dog Mira welcomes me, but not seeing Dawn on the couch, or coming home from shopping has a big impact on me.  Theres no one to say "I'm home" to, she's not there to answer me back.  My home feels like a museum now, a t.v that barely is turned on; since I watch most everything in the bedroom. 

I also lost my job shortly after Dawn passed, due to a berating boss that kept harrassing me to "ask to work overtime," this, while my wife was in an Intensive Care room dying.  I reported him for discrimination; two months later they severed me in Dec. 09' that ended a twenty two year employment.  That is a whole other bad time I won't get into here.

In 2010 my father-in-law and two aunts passed away, my father-in-law was ill and his health went downhill after my wife passed, he even left messages that he'll be wih his daughter.  The two aunts; one was my uncle's wife, the other was a woman that was like my aunt, cancer took both of them.  This third year feels like it all happened just yeaterday, yet it feels like an eternity, not having a job hasn't helped either.  I sit here and type in a very quiet home hearing the louvres move to the slight breeze, one day last weekend I could swear I heard Dawn call my name, but I heard it in my inner ear. 

Coming here and reading other peoples posts has helped me alot, my sympathies to all of you.  Where do I go from here?  I meant to post much earlier and didn't know where to begin; now I'm not sure where to stop.     

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Replies to This Discussion

Maximo,

I am sorry that you have to be part of our group here but I am glad you found us. The best advice I can give you is take things with your life as you can deal with them. For some people it's a day at a time, for some, it's minute by minute. Just keep doing the things you are doing, including finding a job, but always remember to take time for yourself whenever you need it. Find a private spot to shed a few tears when you need to. Just always remember you have one thing no one can take from you, that is the memories, treasure them.

I hear you Max..just starting my tbird year...lonely without him...so unfair...miss the closeness our frie.dship and the intimacy.
Carol, I think it is harder for people like us who lost their spouse suddenly. The first year or two you are still dealing with the shock and in kind of a daze mode. Now the reality is settling in. Keep connected here and reach out for support wherever you can. Keep busy...but let the tears fall whenever you feel them. We will all get tbrough this together..tsomehow....baby steps right? Nancy

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