Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Virginia on January 8, 2011 at 9:18am

Kathy,I was just going to start a discussion on the same subject. Thanks for doing it, I to have seen for sometime that so many peoples writings go without a response.I am one of the guilty ones. I posted a while back about people not responding when someone says it's the anniversery of their loved ones passing weather it's the day of the month or year. You are right that sometimes it is to overwhelming to respond, but what we don't consider is how hurtfull it is for the person reaching out.There have been times I have written as well as start a disscussion and no one responded and it was very hurtfull, one even responded that they work 2 jobs and didn't have the time that others who don't have to or can't work do. I really wanted to give them a piece of my mind and say instead of giving such a negative response how about a I'm sorry your having a bad day. That is when I began backing away. That is when I began to see the change. As I said there are and were many that I did not respond too and for that I'm sorry because all we want is a little comfort from someone who knows how we feel. Now with my "new" life I guess I felt people  who are here grieving their loss don't want to hear about someone being happy and moving forward with their life because you just can't concieve ever being able to be happy let alone find someone new to share your life with. I am going to be here for support and try to give the encouragement that I was given when I found this site and all the wonderfull people who were here at that time. Yes Hugs are very good, Hugs to all.   

Permalink Reply by Marlena on January 8, 2011 at 12:46pm

Kathy and Virgina,

I am a big guilty one for neglecting everyone here.  I stayed away for a while because school was very intense and I was trying hard to keep my grades up.  I started checking back in right after Christmas, but honestly, I have been reading much more than I respond...for that I am sorry to all of you.  Sometimes when I read the posts I am just not sure how to respond any more.  Virginia, in a way I feel like you, although I have not moved forward with anyone, I have progressed over the months and my desperation has lifted to some degree.  There are still days where my emotions get the best of me, but things have shifted and I can breathe a little easier these days.

There are so many new people here since when we all first started connecting...I have been here since Steve started Bereaved Spouses.  My heart hurts for all those new to this journey.  I so remember the beginning when the heaviness in my chest made it so I couldn't breath and I wanted to do nothing but curl up and ignore the world.  Thank goodness I have my kids; they have kept me moving forward.  A new granddaughter and school have been very good distractions over the past year.   

To all of our new friends I am sorry if you feel like you are not getting the responses you deserve.  I will be more present because I do remember how important it was (and still is) to have my feelings acknowledged and validated.  Having someone to care and someone to understand where you are on your journey is extremely important to your progress.

Keep reading and posting...you are NOT alone. 

See you in discussions...HUGS to all!!! 

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on January 8, 2011 at 3:31pm

I have only been here about 4 months, but this site has been the biggest help in my journey that I can have. I don't always post but I read the comments every day. When I feel I can say something to help someone I comment, but since I am new to this I can't always know something positive to say. I am so thankful that every time I have needed help  there have always been wonderful people here that try to encourage me and help me to understand that the feelings I have are normal. I would suggest that no one give up coming here, because this is a great place to be and there are some wonderful people here that offer great advice and are willing to listen when you need to vent.  May God bless and keep each of you and thanks for always listening.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on January 8, 2011 at 11:25pm

Marlena you were the first one to respond to my post and I was so grateful.  I think when we join this site one of the reason is that we didn't get any support or the kind that we needed outside.  Some are responders some are observers.  But thing to remember is that if we were all observers how would we be able to help each other. 

Marlena said:

Kathy and Virgina,

I am a big guilty one for neglecting everyone here.  I stayed away for a while because school was very intense and I was trying hard to keep my grades up.  I started checking back in right after Christmas, but honestly, I have been reading much more than I respond...for that I am sorry to all of you.  Sometimes when I read the posts I am just not sure how to respond any more.  Virginia, in a way I feel like you, although I have not moved forward with anyone, I have progressed over the months and my desperation has lifted to some degree.  There are still days where my emotions get the best of me, but things have shifted and I can breathe a little easier these days.

There are so many new people here since when we all first started connecting...I have been here since Steve started Bereaved Spouses.  My heart hurts for all those new to this journey.  I so remember the beginning when the heaviness in my chest made it so I couldn't breath and I wanted to do nothing but curl up and ignore the world.  Thank goodness I have my kids; they have kept me moving forward.  A new granddaughter and school have been very good distractions over the past year.   

To all of our new friends I am sorry if you feel like you are not getting the responses you deserve.  I will be more present because I do remember how important it was (and still is) to have my feelings acknowledged and validated.  Having someone to care and someone to understand where you are on your journey is extremely important to your progress.

Keep reading and posting...you are NOT alone. 

See you in discussions...HUGS to all!!! 

Permalink Reply by Marlena on January 9, 2011 at 10:48am

Hurting,

I am so glad I was able to be there for you in the very beginning. 

I see that you have just passed your one year mark...I hope you and your boys are doing well and working through this life together.

You are so right about being observers...observing only goes so far...responding and being acknowledged helps the healing process.

I know this site has been an amazing help to me...I don't know where I would be if I did not have so many wonderful friends who truly understand where I'm coming from.

Blessings and comfort to you!