TODAY

Today, I want to give everyone hope. It was 17 months yesterday that I lost my husband, Mike, we were together 32 yrs. married almost 17 yrs. and 7 months ago I found this web site and when I did I was in such a deep depression and so lost my life was over. Mike had been sick for 10 yrs. he had emphysema, and it is a progresave, Illness, and to live 10 yrs. with it getting worse slowely was not easy to watch let alone live with it. To watch your soulmate and the love of your life go from being ok one minute, and with that I mean breathing ok with the oxygen to in a second not being able to get your breath and the gasping for air, the fear in his face and the look in his eyes pleading for you to help him and all you could do was turn up the O2 and try to keep him calm till help got here, then the hospital and begging him to not give up, was a pure living hell. and one I would do again in a heart beat if it was possable. I want to give you all some hope, hope that 7 months ago I would have never ever thought or dreamed could happen and I didn't want to happen as my life was over. Today I want to tell you that because of this web site and all the careing and encourgement and ONE very special friend, I am at a better place and at peace. In the last year Mike was alive I had to retire because of health issues and the plans we had made for the things we wanted to do once I was straigtened out enough health wise didn't happen. May was the month everything money wise was to kick in for me, and we were excited to be able to get going in fact the morning Mike died we had coffee on the porch came in I was getting on the puter to make plane reservations and he was going to lay down and take a nap and in a matter of seconds he was having the heart attack and just quit breathing and was on life suppoet for 4 days and my world ended.. Today I am living again thanks to the above mentioned, and I am going to live what time I have left doing what we had dreams of doing. To feel alive again is just wonderfull to listen to music to remember with smiles, to laugh, To miss him and be greatfull for my life with him is something I never ever thought would have happened, so I'm praying everyone here will at some point feel some joy and happiness again, There is HOPE for us all, god bless and HUGS to all

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Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on September 30, 2010 at 10:42am

Virginia, I definitely agree with you. I was very depressed when I found this site 6 or 7 mos ago, and I feel so much better for having read all the wonderful things people say, and also for knowing that we all share this thing called grieving. I've made wonderful new friends and am very grateful for that. Yesterday was 23 mos since I lost my Kevin, and I literally thought my life of ever being happy was over. I am much better now and try to stay positive by remembering all the wonderful memories we shared together in our 22 years. I know I will always miss him, but I promised him I'd be OK, and I have to honor that promise. Yes, there is hope and we must all cling to that and continue to help each other thru our words & prayers.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on September 30, 2010 at 10:42am

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on September 30, 2010 at 11:20am

Virginia, thank you so much for this post. It hasn't even been 2 months yet since I lost Waymon, but I am so depressed and have had little hope for the future getting any better. This does give me hope that in time I will be able enjoy life again. This is a wonderful site and I am so glad that i found it. With God's help and the wonderful people on this site I am hopeful that i will have the strength to make it through the difficult days ahead. Thanks again for brightening my day. God does work in mysterious ways.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 12:43pm

Thank you Debbie, Yes you wil make it. There were times I was so depressed I didn't get dressed for weeks at a time, only when I had to go out, just laying, sitting, wanting to die just to be with him again the T V on for noise and stare aimlessly, and the pure ageney and pain even thinking about having to get up and do anything, I have cats that need, and no energy to do anything, the crying, swollen eyes, sore nose, honey, it's pure hell and you feel like your stomache is being riped out. I am so thankfull that is over. and I still talk out loud to him and ask for his guidence and things just started falling in place and hopefully will continue to grow. the memories will always be there nothing will take them away. again thank you.
Debbie Treadway said:

Virginia, thank you so much for this post. It hasn't even been 2 months yet since I lost Waymon, but I am so depressed and have had little hope for the future getting any better. This does give me hope that in time I will be able enjoy life again. This is a wonderful site and I am so glad that i found it. With God's help and the wonderful people on this site I am hopeful that i will have the strength to make it through the difficult days ahead. Thanks again for brightening my day. God does work in mysterious ways.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 12:49pm

Thank you Linda, yes that was one of the hardest things to do, was tell him it's ok you can go i'll be ok, and I know he is with me. thanks again
Linda O'Connor said:

Virginia, I definitely agree with you. I was very depressed when I found this site 6 or 7 mos ago, and I feel so much better for having read all the wonderful things people say, and also for knowing that we all share this thing called grieving. I've made wonderful new friends and am very grateful for that. Yesterday was 23 mos since I lost my Kevin, and I literally thought my life of ever being happy was over. I am much better now and try to stay positive by remembering all the wonderful memories we shared together in our 22 years. I know I will always miss him, but I promised him I'd be OK, and I have to honor that promise. Yes, there is hope and we must all cling to that and continue to help each other thru our words & prayers.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 12:55pm

Thanks Kathy, It's still one day at a time, To move on means climing several hills slowely.
kathy obiedzinski said:

virginia: just read your comment good for you girl i pray that one day i may be as strong as you keep the good memories and bless you and good luck

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on September 30, 2010 at 4:34pm

Virginia, Thank you for the words of hope. This feeling of emptiness and pain can be so over whelming that you feel as if it will never stop to know that there is hope. I read every post, but most of the time i just don't know how to respond. But as I sat and watched Joe die I thought about how he wasn't prepared for what was happening to him and to know that he was scared is what is making me feel worse than anything else. But I also know that he loved me more than the world and that he knew he was the most important thing in my life. He would want me to be well again. Reading your letter has made me feel that one day that might happen for me. Bless you all and Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 4:45pm

Thanks Kay I know what your saying and believe me if I can get here you can too hugs
Kay Arcuni said:

Virginia, Thank you for the words of hope. This feeling of emptiness and pain can be so over whelming that you feel as if it will never stop to know that there is hope. I read every post, but most of the time i just don't know how to respond. But as I sat and watched Joe die I thought about how he wasn't prepared for what was happening to him and to know that he was scared is what is making me feel worse than anything else. But I also know that he loved me more than the world and that he knew he was the most important thing in my life. He would want me to be well again. Reading your letter has made me feel that one day that might happen for me. Bless you all and Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Nancey on September 30, 2010 at 6:54pm

Thank you so much for the hope Virginia. It's been almost a month that my love went to heaven, but I do feel I've made progress.....and I feel like he would be proud of me. He was so courageous through it all, I can only hope he is saying the same about me.

There was a line once in a tv show that I still remember to this day. It was in a Little House on the Prairie episode at a funeral. I always said I would have it at my funeral.

"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I'll remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all"

I believe Dale would feel the same way.

Permalink Reply by Colleen on September 30, 2010 at 7:11pm

Thanks Virginia - I appreciate this post from you. It's been 7 months for me. I go through some of the motions of living (I go to work, I take my dogs to the park, occasionally I visit my kids and grandkids) but I haven't found any semblance of happiness yet. Sometimes I'll think of something Gary would say or do and at first I smile and then I think too much and remember and the tears come again. It's really, really important for me to know that someday I might feel alive inside again. I know I'll always miss him and that I'll always feel cheated that he didn't get to stay with me. But I am really hopeful that at some point I can say that my life didn't end there. He would never have wanted that. This gives me hope.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on September 30, 2010 at 8:47pm

VIRGINIA, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE HOPE THAT YOU ARE GIVING TO ALL OF US. IT WAS 7 MONTHS FOR ME ON THE 26TH. I STILL FEEL DEEPLY DEPRESSED AND VERY PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE.I WANT TO ENJOY WHAT EVER TIME I HAVE LEFT BUT AT THIS POINT I DONT REALLY THINK I KNOW HOW.I AM JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I SINCERELY DO MEAN THAT.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 9:09pm

Nancy yes i remember it well we watched that show all the time for the lack of anything better and it is true and i'm sorry we all have to go thru this, mike never complaned. and know dale is saying that. and thank you hugs
Nancey said:

Thank you so much for the hope Virginia. It's been almost a month that my love went to heaven, but I do feel I've made progress.....and I feel like he would be proud of me. He was so courageous through it all, I can only hope he is saying the same about me.

There was a line once in a tv show that I still remember to this day. It was in a Little House on the Prairie episode at a funeral. I always said I would have it at my funeral.

"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I'll remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all"

I believe Dale would feel the same way.