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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1378
Latest Conversations: Apr 28

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Pete Bronson on March 28, 2016 at 10:30am
Hope everyone's Holiday weekend was good. I spent mine hospitalised with pneumonia that has turned into a blood infection. Thinking of you all.

Pete

"What's so funny about Peace, love, and understanding!" Elvis Costello
Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2016 at 5:00am

I hope these two links help all of our new family members.  The first link is about how you are feeling in your raw grief and the emotional rollercoaster you are on is very normal.  The second one is for family and friends and explains how they should/shouldn't react towards you.  Please print it out and give it to family and friends.  I did this and it worked well for me.

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/mourning-death-spouse

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-...

I honestly pray for all of you and know you're going to make it even if you don't feel you are.  We are all here to help in any way we can.

From my heart to yours

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2016 at 4:19am

Harold ...  I am so proud of you for getting through church and brunch and of course in your fresh grief you feel emotionless because Diane is no longer with you, but she really is.  You just don't see her.  She gave you the strength to get through what you had to get through.  As times goes by you will get more use to going out and one day you'll surprised yourself when, for the first time in a long time you find yourself laughing.  That happened to me and I scared myself silly.  Now it's a little easier although special holidays still torment me as I miss Ernie, but I just keep busy and accept invitations out if I am asked and it helps.

Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2016 at 4:14am

Harold ...  I am so happy you had an experience with your beloved Diane.  Grief counseling with tell us otherwise and it's just our imagination, but I had too many experiences to know differently.  I have no doubt that it was Diane and I too talk a great deal to Ernie.

The first experience I had was the first Christmas Eve without him.  I was wrapping gifts on the coffee table and suddenly looked to the left of me where the wall unit was and there he was smiling down and the dogs and I as if he had not died at all only this time he was like a million stars put together shining and forming his body and facial features.  I felt completely at peace and not frightened at all.  Then there were times when I really needed help having something fixed either on the inside or outside of the house and I was frustrated and didn't know where to go for help (couldn't think straight) and I'd sit crying out of sheer frustration and exhaustion and suddenly the phone would ring and it would either be his best buddy or our friend Dan next door offering me any help I needed at that time.  I took all of this lightly at first almost feeling as if I wishing all of this to happen and they were coincidences, but one night when I was in the computer room I heard a noise in the washroom.  Ernie would go to bed on word night at 9 PM and at least once during the night would go to the washroom.  I heard the toilet seat go up and of course other sounds and I just shrugged my shoulders and thought once again it was imagination, but, my two dogs went into the darkened washroom and when I followed and turned the light on the toilet seat was actually down, but the dogs were looking where Ernie's face would be and they were wagging their tails.  Then I knew he was leaving me signs and I know your beloved Diane is letting you know she's there watching over you.  It is also a miracle that the light shines on the children and the angels.  I pray it gave you peace and that now you believe your Diane is with you at all times.

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2016 at 4:02am

Georgia ...  it's always wonderful to see you post and I often think of you.  I hope things are going a little better for you.  I pray for all on here every night. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by georgia on March 27, 2016 at 11:16pm
I have not posted in a while, I read all of your posts.
My condolences to all the new members of our family.
Chuck , Marshia you two deserve a medal for your wonderful support. May God keep you in his care.
With hugs to all ,Georgia.
Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 27, 2016 at 9:12pm

Sara

Some of this might be a coincidence the angel would always be lite up I never notice it. I figure take comfort wherever you can find it. Comfort is in short supply when your in raw grief. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 27, 2016 at 8:38pm

Harold,  what a surprise that you're an NHRA fan also.   Ken would go to Englishtown every year and the past few years would go to N.C.  He and I had been to the Vegas races a couple of times.  For sure you and he would have gotten along just fine. 

I'm so glad Diane has been reaching out to you to let you know she's okay.  It's such a comfort to know she's not suffering and is truly watching over you.

Comment by Deb S on March 27, 2016 at 8:25pm

Sarah, My husband died 8 months ago. Watching the tournament was a huge step for me. He was a sports nut and his love of sports was contagious. He had season tickets to our local NFL team which he had kept for 50 years. We had jointly decided not to renew this year as we now preferred watching the games at home. I did not watch one NFL football game this season. He was also a huge fan of ACC college basketball. I wasn't able to watch a game until the NCAA tournament. These games began March 15, just a short time after I found this group. I don't believe that it is a coincidence that I found the strength to watch and enjoy the tournament after meeting everyone here.
I hope that there comes a time when you find comfort and enjoyment in doing things that you and your husband used to enjoy together. Hugs continue. Debbie

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 27, 2016 at 8:24pm

Hi Everyone 

I don't remember if I told this before or not. A month ago or so I was having a bad day. I helped Diane with a lot of stuff because of her pain and copd issue. I was crying a lot and kept saying I just want to know your okay, I have always helped you and I need to know this. There is a light by Diane's side of the bed, touch sensitive has three different settings. She would always turn it on before dark. Every once in a while the light would be on, I would jokingly say oh you turned the light on for me dear. I always told her I'm not very good at taking subtle hints you have to hit me over the head to get it. That night I was heading to the bathroom the light was on and for whatever reason I stopped and looked at it. All the sudden it cycled through all the light settings paused and cycled through it again. I told her okay I get it even I can't ignore this I know your okay. Every once in a while the light will be on and I'll say thanks dear I love you too. Today after Easter the light was on, so I sat down too talk to her, told her thanks was a hard day without you. I never noticed it before above the light is a picture of an angel watching over some kids, the light lite up that picture so it really stood out. I said are you telling me your my angel looking out for me, I believe that is what she was saying made me smile smile for the first time that day.  

 

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