Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Aug 21
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019.
My wise, big sister you always have so much insight whether it is on grief or on life in general. I agree with you 100% about what you say about this deadly virus teaching us something good. While the pandemic is killing people by the thousands everyday the world over--I just lost my 58-year-old cousin to it--the virus has taught us, the human race, to be more compassionate, to be more caring and above all, not to take our blessings for granted. My cousin was a very loving man who leaves behind his widow and two teenage daughters; tragic and deeply sad. He was one of those people who truly cared about other people and shared the joy around him. His loss is even greater because in our modern world, as you so poignantly note, there are fewer and fewer people who care about other people, who take the time to visit an elderly or lonely relative or friend. My cousin always thought of others and stayed in touch and helped people whenever he could. May he be resting in eternal peace. Amen.
While technology is a blessing in so many ways, in medical science, in telecommunications and other fields, the past 10 or more years due to technology like smartphones people lost touch with each other in a genuine way. Even in a traditional society like Bangladesh, the ill effects of technology had become acute where young people had stopped caring for their elderly relatives, which used to be a normal thing. In traditional societies like BD, the social fabric is dependent on tight family relations. But texting, streaming movies on your phones and having buds in your ears, the younger generation had become extremely self-centered and uncaring. All they want to do is spend hours on their phones texting and using social media and having utter disregard for old fashioned values.
The scary pandemic that has brought death and lockdown is teaching people to care for one another in a genuine way again. Over the past few months since the lockdown, I have personally felt people have become more aware and caring of others' needs, fears and anxieties and are reaching out to one another in a more humane and genuine way. I am hearing the same thing from others as well, that more people have become more caring towards others and are seeing the value in real human connections, not just through texting and messaging. IMHO Coronavirus comes with a silver lining: it is renewing humanity in people, strengthening personal bonds, purifying the air that we breathe and cleaning the environment due to less pollution from cars and airplanes. Our planet has benefitted from it; the human race is learning the hard and cruel way to be more loving and caring about others, not to think only about profit but also about the wellbeing of the environment and of future generations. It is giving us pause to reevaluate what we had become as a species, a me-me people with little regard for others' wellbeing and for the greater good.
I pray for the pandemic to pass quickly and for all my family on this site to stay safe and stay well.
Love and hugs, Trina
The scary pandemic that has brought death and lockdown is teaching people to care for one another in a genuine way again. Over the past few months since the lockdown, I have personally felt people have become more aware and caring of others' needs, fears and anxieties and are reaching out to one another in a more humane and genuine way. I am hearing the same thing from others as well, that more people have become more caring towards others and are seeing the value in real human connections, not just through texting and messaging. IMHO Coronavirus comes with a silver lining: it is renewing humanity in people, strengthening personal bonds, purifying the air that we breathe and cleaning the environment due to less pollution from cars and airplanes. Our planet has benefitted from it; the human race is learning the hard and cruel way to be more loving and caring about others, not to think only about profit but also about the wellbeing of the environment and of future generations. It is giving us pause to reevaluate what we had become as species, a me-me people with little regard for others' wellbeing and for the greater good.
To all of my angels here, I know this virus has changed our lives greatly bringing fear and anxiety to many, but not all. I feel at least that I've learned from this virus and here is what I've learned and it's all good:
From the rush of everyday life with people's noses texting, buds in their ears, etc., now I see less of this and actual connections between people. Instead of seeing people walk by each other not smiling or even connecting now I see people smiling or simply talking in a line-up for the first time in a very long time and better yet some offer to help you. The ones we love and care about are far more precious to us now than before and the greatest thing of all that I see with so many people in my town is they are connecting with friends and families are closer together by phone Skype and loving every minute of it and some biking riding, hiking or just walking with smiles on their faces waving away at who whoever passes them. While technology can be a wonderful thing and living in a Western country is a privilege compared to many countries we have taken so much away from the beauty of it all. With traffic coming to a lull our environment has cleared up a great deal; I see the mountains clearer; see children playing old games from years ago; more laughter between even strangers and myself while waiting in a line-up and on and on it goes. Even our rivers, oceans are slowly clearing up. People are finally enjoying the beauty of nature and the songs of birds. I pray each night that our leaders in government can see this huge change and that we learn lessons from it and if they don't get it we sure do and we can do something about it.
Here is a wonderful song by one of the greats 'It's a Wonderful World and I hope you enjoy it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nGKqH26xlg
I hope that fear and anxiety leaves all of you and that you can get out still and enjoy so much beauty of the country we lives in. For myself I simply refuse to be afraid and have great faith this to shall pass. There is someone greater than us watching over us.
Stay save and enjoy life my angels. I love you all.
My dear Chuck ...
I'm so sorry you are going through so much sadness. This virus has us all going a little titled and I, myself have been reduced to tears over the littlest of things. You had a routine with Larry watching those awards and suddenly they were breaking that routine, but not to worry, in ways it will heal you even more. Larry will always be in your heart and there are so many memories that you will always have.
Dramatic? I think not and to be honest I never trusted a man that never admitted to having a good cry. Instead of years of 'men don't cry' it's now 'it's alright for men to cry.' Crying releasing so much stress.
Thank you my friend for the link and I can see why you enjoy it so as I do.
Two things in this world that connects anyone from any country is singing and dancing, so my friend, get up and sing as loud as you can and dance as fast as you can.
Hi Mary.Jane ...
I've been through it and now my girlfriend whose husband passed away a year ago is going through it. It's normal! It's the brains way of protecting you against the trauma of the loss of a loved one along with other fears. The brain begins to slowly regenerate in time. This is why some people feel they are going through life in a fog or zombie-like and each person heals in their own time. Please read this Mary; it will help all of us: https://barbarafane.com/grief-symptoms-how-grief-affects-the-brain/
Love ya; you're doing good!
Hi everyone. I have a general question..did any of you loose your memory after your loved one passed? Ironically, I wouldn’t have realized I had lost it, if not for the fact it is returning..in SPADES!
As I look back, I realize after Bob died, for the 3 1/2 years I lived alone, I wasn,t bothered, if I couldn’t remember anything at all..not realizing I had very little recall..if asked something, I didn,t try to think of an answer, I would immediately shrug.. “oh I can’t remember anything any more, because I couldn,t have remembered if offered a million dollars. Sometimes I would try DESPERATELY to recall stuff.but come up blank and frustrated. This is random stuff, NOT the loss of Bob..THAT was all I COULD remember. But the past 3 months, I have developed total recall..IE: tonight watching SNL, into my head popped this question..who was the little balding writer for EARLY SNL..and BUCK HENRY popped into my head in a millisecond. HOW DO I KNOW THIS STUFF? Entire song lyrics, of songs I barely remember..random stuff like that. But, it is ALL THE TIME! ALL DAY LONG! It’s great, as I was constantly loosing stuff, now I remember in a second where I left stuff, or someone’s name..etc.
just wondering if this is normal? Thanks, kids
Thank you Deborah and Mary Jane,
I am feeling a bit more focused and peaceful this weekend - perhaps it is trying to limit my exposure to the news combined with diving head first into some in-progress projects for my doll collection. They are perfect companions when I need to forget the world and it's troubles...non-threatening, compliant, and remarkable tolerant of the insane things I say to them as I sew or paint their faces.
I wish everybody here a safe and peaceful weekend. Mary Jane, I just know you will like Into The Woods - both versions are excellent, but I am partial to the filmed stage version myself. The over-riding message or moral is one from which we all can benefit - We can't run and hide from life and the world, so we hesitantly or bravely venture forth in pursuit of a wish, or a solution...or just and answer to our eternal question "Why?"
Sending love and hugs to you all -
I MISSED A MUSICAL???? OMG!!
THankyou, Chuck! I am a musical junkie..and am horrified I had never heard of INTO the WOODS..I didn,t see The Greatest Showman until this year..so I Googled the WOODS discovered it was 2014..that was the year I was bitten by a brown recluse spider, and contacted Epstein Barr Virus..which left me like a dish rag for two years..so I am SOOO EXCITED as I am going to watch it on Amazon Prime this weekend.YAAYYY. First I will listen to all the songs on YOUTUBE...so I can sing along.
Chuck you will be ok..we all will eventually. “AND THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS” the COVID19 thing..andlife will return to a less stressful reality..but VERY different..and better.
I marched for Black Lives in the 60’s, nothing much happened, but THIS time, people are paying attention..and there will be amazing results.
We try to keep the traditions we shared with our loved ones..and we DO, but just in a different manner.Larry knows you will always cherish and keep your them, and Steve approves..so please don,t worry. Even tho your traditions might alter a bit, they will always live in your heart, and be followed again after this nightmare is over.
Charles, so sorry you seem to be having a hard time lately, I think not being able to get out and about is probably partly to blame, or it is for me. I think staying home is giving you more time to miss Larry even more. Im so glad you have Steve who so gets what your going thru, its all the little things we did together and now cant even do at all is such a blow to our hearts and soul. Praying for you to find peace
Sunday was supposed to be the Tony Awards - Larry and I always, and I mean ALWAYS watched. The fact that it was cancelled this year was for me a very severe gut punch, partly because it again emphasized the serious ways our lives have been altered, but also because I felt like I was losing Larry all over again. Crazy, huh? I told Steve, kind-hearted long-suffering Steve, that it was going to be Broadway night come hell or high water, and we watched the movie version of "Kiss Of The Spider Woman", Bette Midler's "Gypsy", and then I watched "Into The Woods". The latter is one of my all-time favorites, and all Sondheim's plays contain lyrics that seem to speak directly to my deepest feelings and truths. NO, I'm not gay...not much. Couldn't be gayer if I farted rainbows and sequins. Anyway, in 2015 about 6 months after losing Larry I was on the couch - my permanent place by then - I wouldn't even consider sleeping in our bed so slept on the couch as well - and watched this filming of the play, superior to the Disney movie for me. When this song came near the ending I just totally lost it for about the 500th time since April 22nd. I apologize for being, I don't know - dramatic, theatrical, whatever, but I have all my life believed that music and art speak more truly to our humanity than words can - maybe because they transcend language, age, trends, and vibrate in our souls. Anyway, if you haven't seen this version of Into The Woods, and if you like Sondheim, then check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDXcGZHBiGoThe ways in which memories come and seem to both pierce and simultaneously warm my heart will forever be a puzzlement. Oops, another Broadway reference – I should quit before I burst into horrible off-key singing…Love, Chuck
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