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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Apr 28

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on February 24, 2021 at 7:34am

Im supposed to get the first shot this morning but am petrified, my brother got his but I am definitely in the wait and see group. I just need my life back to normal so I signed up for today but the closer I get the more excuses I keep making for not going, so confused, I will let you know what I decide

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 23, 2021 at 10:16pm

I feel the same way...everything seems fine now, With the injection..but to me, it hasn,t really been tested. So I am in the “wait and see” camp. It,scares me when I see folks clambering to be first in line,

Comment by Marsha H on February 23, 2021 at 9:09pm

Hi Deb ...  Oh boy getting the vaccine or not is such a touchy subject.  This is my own opinion for ME!  I'm in my 70's.  I've done a lot of research on the Covid Vaccine and some of the Physicians and Surgeons online say 'no.'  I will look for the link and put it online tonight.  

I live in British Columbia, Canada.  They told us to wear masks and then months later said the masks did little.  Now the suggest 2 - 3 masks, but with just one mask some people find it hard to breath and also hard to hear anyone as their voices are muffled.  Then Health Canada was giving us figures of who died of COVID and later found that these numbers were inacurrate and not as high as made out to be.  Health Canada promised those who wanted the vaccine to get one shot and wait a few weeks and get their 2nd shot and now they say only one shot is necessary.  What I'm saying is they just keep changing things around too often.  There is also information that just because you get the COVID shot doesn't mean you can't get it.  Around and around we go.  They also say that they have no idea how these vaccines will affect our bodies in the future.  Also all viruses mutate.  So my friend, it's strictly up to you and I back anyone who chooses to get it, but do your homework.  

I have chosen against it.  I got the Hong Kong flu in the 60's and it was super bad, so much so that the hospitals were so jammed packed my mom had to get the doctor to come see me and give me a shot to stop me from up-chucking.  It took me 3 weeks to get over it, but I survived and so did others.  The death toll was high back the, but there was no mask wearing or lock-downs.  Our immune system needs to fight off some virus and it's strengthened by doing so.  Several doctors have said that very thing.  Of course I do believe in vaccines for children for polio, small pox, etc.  

If your gut is saying to get it then I would get it, but if you aren't in a hurry please talk to more than one doctor about this.  It's your body.  Many here are 'waiting to see' re others getting the vaccine shot.  

Good luck and do what you think is right.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 23, 2021 at 5:21pm

Hello everyone. Today is TUESDAY .Feb 23 2021.

Five years ago on this exact date, it was ALSO a Tuesday...when,@ 1:51 PM, my beloved Bob, gave up his fight, with Brain cancer, and died.It was wonderful he was HOME, with myself, and our kitty Rudy. Rudy is 12 years old now..That night, Rudy hoped up on our bed, (Bob was in a hospital bed. ) and, has slept there ever since. This year has been harder, as my long forgotten memories have returned. Yes, I am healing, I can remember everything now...peoples names, thing we did together ..I KNEW these memories would return, and they make me smile. We had 48 years, and 8 months.,and  I will always love you, Bob. Always.

Comment by DJ on February 23, 2021 at 3:39pm

Mary Jane; its great that memories which make you smile are back!

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 23, 2021 at 2:24pm

Hello everyone. Today is TUESDAY .Feb 23 2021.

Five years ago on this exact date, it was ALSO a Tuesday...when,@ 1:51 PM, my beloved Bob, gave up his fight, with Brain cancer, and died.It was wonderful he was HOME, with myself, and our kitty Rudy. Rudy is 12 years old now..That night, Rudy hoped up on our bed, (Bob was in a hospital bed. ) and, has slept there ever since. This year has been harder, as my long forgotten memories have returned. Yes, I am healing, I can remember everything now...peoples names, thing we did together ..I KNEW these memories would return, and they make me smile. We had 48 years, and 8 months.,and  I will always love you, Bob. Always.

Comment by deborah peck on February 23, 2021 at 1:11pm

has anyone on here gotten the covid vaccine and what are your thoughts on it? I get my 1st one tomorrow so am curious

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 12, 2021 at 9:31pm

Hello Sara,

I am finally reading the piece you shared about life being like a train ride. I too find it to be a very pleasant way to view our time here.  I also thank you, and all of my Legacy family, for being on my train, or rather for saving me a seat on yours. I am especially sensitive to the imagery and message put forth in this piece because of something that triggered a series of events this past week. 

It started with an inquiry from a cousin about a cemetery in Stephentown, NY where most of my mother's family are buried going back several generations. Her brother has expressed a desire to be buried there and she was asking if I had contact information for the nearby funeral home so he could inquire about pre-arrangements. He has battled schizophrenia his entire adult life and has lived in group homes or institutions. He has been alone and I believe very lonely, finding comfort in his Catholic faith and contact with family. I said I would look for the paperwork from my brother's burial there in 2009. I didn't find contact information, but did find the folder in which I had all the printed email exchanges we had over the last 7 months of his life before passing from liver cancer. The last one was just before July 4th weekend, and he had planned to drive to visit Larry and I that weekend if he was feeling well enough, saying he wanted to get away from his apartment and all things associated with his hospitalizations and illness. That visit never happened. He stepped off the train without my knowing until his friend called to tell me July 2nd. 

I've been in kind of a state since finding this folder, and somehow the arrival of Valentine's Day has gotten all mixed up with thoughts of graves and funerals, lost opportunities to say goodbye, and reminders that this year there will be thousands of spouses and families who have lost someone to the pandemic and will be in such pain this weekend. 

So, like Deborah, I will be in my craft room/studio when I'm not watching some weepy movie of napping. Steve has been so thoughtful and supportive, giving me space to go off and be "crazy Chuck" for awhile while he reads and follows his own footsteps down the path of memories and grieving. It's surprisingly very cold here, and keeping warm and isolated indoors with little outside contact we can almost imagine we are on our own little planet where there's no disease, no cruelty, no hatred...then I switch channels to the news. *sigh*

Everybody be warm, stay safe, and I pray that the weekend is for you peaceful, bearable, and most of all lets the train carry you along with the comfort of the fact that the seat beside you isn't really empty - it just looks that way.

Love to you all and a big hug from both Steve and I

Chuck 

   

Comment by Marsha H on February 12, 2021 at 3:27pm

Deborah ...  I'm doing much the same as you are.  This may sound crazy, but I do have Ernie's ashes here and every special holiday I get him a card.  I find Valentine's Day the most difficult seeing men and women buying cards or gifts for their spouses.  It doesn't hurt as bad as it use to.  Just getting Ernie that card makes me feel a little better.  Whatever it takes!  I'm putting the fireplace on and cuddling up with my two little dogs and may eat myself sick on sweets.  LOL  It's frigid weather here too with a wind chill factor and way to cold to go anywhere.  

Hope you and your daughter have a fun time.

Comment by deborah peck on February 12, 2021 at 10:51am

what is everyone doing for Valentines day? I am working in my craft room, my favorite thig to do and just pretending its any other day. My daughter asked me to go to dinner but with this covid thing I don't like to eat out, maybe delivery would be good, hope you all have a good weekend, supposed to have frigid temps here so staying inside 

 

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