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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Aug 21

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on July 26, 2021 at 11:34am

Steve, am so sorry to hear about your surgeries but very glad you are now in a good place health wise. I was surprised to hear you are moving back but it sounds like you are seeking that comfort and thats not a bad thing, I too have been seeking peace and feel like I am heading in the right direction, I feel more peaceful in my soul and finally realized I have to accept things in order to continue on sothat too is a good thing. I wish you well on your new endeaver, when are you thinking of moving?

Comment by Diane C on July 26, 2021 at 11:28am

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted to add my 2 cents worth. So glad to see everyone back on line here. I don't usually have much to share anymore, but I do like to keep up with the site to see what is going on in your lives. It will be 9 years for me Aug. 1 that Rich passed away. Seems like yesterday. But I am now able to put one foot in front of the other and carry on. My daughter got COVID but thankfully it was a mild case, she is doing fine now. I am in Ohio and our numbers are rising. The governor is thinking about invoking the mask mandate again. That will make a lot of people angry. I believe we only have about a 50% vaccination rate. I agree with all of you that there are a lot of changes since COVID. Good to hear from everyone again, it's been a long time. Going on vacation in a couple weeks to Mass. not sure how that will go, but hoping for a good time. Hugs to all!

Comment by deborah peck on July 26, 2021 at 11:28am

Mary Jane, so happy for you that you finally feel Bob with you, that must of been hard not feeling him. I see the news about the fires and pray for everyones safety, cant believe they didnt arrest the ones with fireworks. I have started back to church after my sister passed and have been finding peace there at last, I never lost faith just the will to do anything about it., please let us know how you continue to do

Comment by Marsha H on July 26, 2021 at 5:27am

Dear Steve ...

Don't forget up North it's dry so you didn't feel the cold that bad like I did once I came back to the coast (Vancouver.)  Oh, memories of being younger and summertime 'when the living was easy.'  LOL  Those summers were also in the 90s F and didn't bother me, but the heat wave we had here one day it was 112 F!  That is hot!  Thankfully I have am A/C and most people just stayed inside because our bodies hadn't become accustomed to it.

I have always wanted to see the Grand Canyon and never had the opportunity and I also wanted Ernie and I to take a trip through the New England States during the Fall.  I have seen pictures of it and it's beautiful.  Loved your story about your Grand Canyon trip.

I am so happy those bad days of surgery are behind you Steve and now you both are feeling much better.  So far I'm grateful for decent health as far as I know.

WOW!  You have lost weight and good for you.  I'm fortunate that I'm petite and slim and don't have ot worry about packing on weight.  

I too find all of the angels on this site got me through my worst times and kept me glued together after Ernie passed.  Of course I still miss him and can get a little teary-eyed every so often, but certainly not as bad as before.  Covid was sort of hard on me as I wished he was here with me, yet I'm happy he didn't have to experience it.  

I see you and Chuck are moving back to the New England States and it sounds like a wonderful change for both of you.  I live in a 950 sq. ft. rancher and it's just the right size for me and I too am digging up projects to do to keep busy.  

Take care my friend and give Chuck a big hug for me.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on July 26, 2021 at 5:13am

Mary Jane ...  

So good to hear from you.  I can imagine those fires so close would be frightening, but glad to know you have everything ready if you should have to leave on the spur of the moment and I pray you don't have too.  We have over 250 fires roaring through the Interior of British Columbia and they are so bad fire crews are coming from other countries to help us.  Bless their hearts!  In all the years I've traveled up there I've never heard of so many fires.  Thanking the coast (ouside of Vancouver) has no fires at all, but camping is not allowed in most areas even where there are no fires as it's extremely dry here.

Glad you realize Bob is with you and I knew he would be from the time you moved there.  

I as thinking the same thing about no one posting on Legacy and this Covid has taken so much of our lives as far as fear factors, having to stay home more and wearing masks.  In British Columbia things are easing up and restaurants, pubs, clubs and more are opening up, but still, some of us still wear our masks if in crowded areas.  The world just isn't the same anymore and to me it's innocense lost.  We once felt safe and secure in our Western countries.  

I can't believe they allowed fireworks there and yes, it is stupid to do so.

We have noticed especially in Vancouver racism like never before (never use to have this problem before) against especially Asians.  Now China Town is quiet and the elderly dare not go out to shop.  It's disgusting.  So many cases of abuse among spouses; separations and divorce and even violence against animals.  Covid I believe has been a big cause of many of these problems and the strain financially with people.  I often wonder if the world will be the same.

On a brighter note I am gardening more as I find it peaceful and I will admit I feel quite lonely because some of my friends are afraid of giving me Covid because of my age, but so far so good.  I do siee my family a bit and also my sister-in-law comes over every 2nd Saturday or I go to their home.  Oh yes, I still drive.  LOL  I do visit my friend in Maple Ridge and we talk on the phone frequently.  My next door neighbors and I are close so that's nice too. 

Take care my friend and stay healthy.  I will be praying for you that the fires don't come any closer to you.

Hugs

Marsha  

Comment by Steve G. on July 25, 2021 at 12:49pm

Marsha,

I cannot imagine living in a place that has -45 F weather, but, then it is what each of us becomes acclimated to.  When I was younger I had no problem living in humid Florida summers, where  98 degrees felt like 110.  We played in the sun no shirt or shoes and survived the nights by sleeping with a window fan pulling in air.  

Once long ago me and two of my friends went on a trip to the Grand Canyon and traveled thru the deserts of Nevada and Arizona in a car without air conditioning and we were surprised how different it felt.  We actually felt cooler because there was literally no moisture in the air.  We even put canteens on the front bumper of the car which kept it cool to drink.  Sweating was non existent also.

Like you I am glad that 2020 is behind us, in Jan I had surgery, then in the middle of 2020 I had complications from that surgery that required 3 more surgeries with the last one just before Christmas.  Final recovery arrived this past March.

I am now fully recovered and healthy, did loose about 30 lbs and "forced" myself to buy new pants and shirts via Amazon.

The good news is I am 2 pants size smaller and have been able to maintain this new me.  I feel better and have more energy, plus my doctor is happy that I lost a few lbs.

So, we all go through so much along our pathway in this life and not all of it is good and not all of it is bad.  If I have learned anything, growing older is a good thing; some folks do not get that chance.  Our grief is the one thing that has bound us all together and without all of you, I honestly do not know how any of us could be where we are today.

Thank you one and all for your posts and insights on this web site.  You are all my angels

Love and hugs

Steve

Comment by Steve G. on July 25, 2021 at 8:24am

Good to hear from you Mary Jane!

As we all continue to recover and re-group, the one thing I have to remind myself is that this life is temporary and the world we now live in has changed.  It is no longer the safe haven we grew up thinking it was, it is so different and can be scary depending on where you live now.

As we go about our daily lives though, me and Chuck are amazed at how a little smile here and there tends to melt away some of those fears.  People we do not know respond in kind and gives us hope in some of the dreary present days.  

On a cheerier note, it is awesome to hear from our Legacy family and to know that each of you are ok and doing the best you can.  

I am staying busy with projects out in the yard and doing some extensive clean out and get rid of stuff...

Our plans are to get ourselves ready to sell and move back to New England area of the US.  Most of my family is gone so no ties to the south plus we do have friends there and here as well.  Would like to have a smaller no frills home and then just settle back into old age enjoying our different hobbies, enjoying the cold weather, hibernating if we so choose...lol.

Take care one and all, hope to see more posts, 

Love and hugs

Steve

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 25, 2021 at 12:46am

Wow,,it is wonderful to see y’all posting! I have come here many times, to see no one was here..for a very long time.iIt has been 2 years, since I moved back to the SF Bay Area..and, yes, Bob is finally here. He wasn’t until recently.That is comforting to me.

I too, have checked this site on occasion, and no one had posted anything. It was kind of sad...but I am sure the SHOCK of Covid changed all of us. The most difficult thing for me to,wrap my head around, was IT IS EVERYWHERE! All countries..I often thank the universe that Bob DIDN’T live to see this..he would have been TERRIFIED.

About the FIRES on the West Coat..yes, I am possibly in danger...they scare me more than ANYTHING! In 2019, we were evacuated for 10 days. I live about an hour north of San Fransisco...and NOW they are popping up in areas of California.most of them have been about an hour away from where I live..I keep a small suitcase ready, and my important papers all in one area in case we have very little notice..like last time, and a GO BAG ready for Rudy, my cat.. THIS scares me more than COVID.  

Yet, on July 4 there were SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE who set off fireworks! I do NOT understand how people can be so non caring. 

Lastly, I cannot comprehend all the VIOLENCE that has escalated since Covid hit!!! It is almost as if people figure they are going to die anyway,.so why not do all the terrible things that come to mind? Mass shootings, racial Asian attacks (very frequent in San Fransisco) elder abuse for no reason..it is like people have all embraced their DARK SIDE..cuz they have NO HOPE.

I wish you all the best..and an end to this nightmare.

Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:15pm

Deborah ...  I was married before too and it wasn't a good marriage so I don't have much to worry about there.  Ernie was the light of my life and I keep hoping one day all of us will meet again.  No, the hurt doesn't go away especially when they passed away so young.  I know it must be difficult for you, but you were blessed to have 2 great spouses in your life, but I do understand you have 2 griefs as well and that can be difficult.  

Today is very hot; too hot to even garden.  Grass is now brown and we never use ot have that before.  Keeping busy and some laughter is the best medicine.

Stay safe my friend and have a great day.

Love and hugs to you.

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:10pm

Steve ...  great to hear from you.  It seems the weather all  over the world is crazy.  I shudder to think what our winter will be like.  Your last winter sounded terrible.  I use to live up north during the 60s and it would get to -45 and I worked up at the dam site in the office.  The winters up there were dryer unlike the coast where I live so it didn't feel as cold.  

Hope you and Chuck are doing well and I miss the posts from both of you.

Wishing the Legacy family prayers and good health.  Miss you all.  

Love to all of you and stay safe.  

Marsha

 

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