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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 28, 2021 at 9:19pm

Hi Deb...I am happy you posted...it’s been awhile since much has happened here. I was going thru some pictures I had on my computer about a week ago..and one video of Bob popped up. It was his BIRTHDAY, May 2015..he was opening a box of Sees candy...he was laughing and happy, and it was a HUGE shock to hear his voice, and the jokes he was making. I was NOT expecting ANYTHING like it..he was SOOOO happy..8 months later he would be gone. I Still cannot watch it...it was such a shock.I had no idea it was there..I had forgotten his voice, and his laughter.But, I think Imwas MEANT to see it when I did. I had forgotten his laughter. It was actually a knife plunged into me heart.

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2021 at 3:25pm

I love listening to a few videos that I found on Gregs phone, its so great to still be able to hear their voices.  I have been in a dark place since my sister passed away in May, no desire to do anything, not even play in my craft room, tried forcing myself to make plans and go out only to cancel  and stay at home, am supposed to go on a road trip tomorrow wth my other siblings to look at the leaves and revisit the farm my grandparents had, am praying I actually do it.  I love gettinng signs from loved ones that have passed but have not recieved any from my sis so keep praying I do soon, have a great weekend all

Comment by Steve G. on August 21, 2021 at 7:25am

Mary Jane,

I too believe as you do, this world is full of surprises and mysteries that we mere humans have yet to unlock, let alone understand.

Yesterday I and Chuck were sitting in the living room talking and enjoying our morning brew, Chuck had just come in from feeding the birds (our flock of bluejays, cardinals, doves, sparrows and assorted others).  The weather has been non stop rain for the past 4 days and they were all so hungry for seed they didn't push each other away but quietly ate side by side.  Then a lone hummingbird sputtered into view at the top of the window and hung there looking in at us,  For only just a few seconds, then off he went just as suddenly.  That is the second sighting since I have put in 4 hibiscus plants in the backyard, the nursery tag indicated that they attract butterflies, honey bees and humming birds,  All I could think was what a wonderful way to start the day, sunshine, birds, low humidity and lower than normal temp by a few degrees,

The memories you found on the video are truly special, I know you will keep them safe, for they truly are a gift.

Hugs

Steve

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 20, 2021 at 9:44pm

To my mind, Steve and Trina finding those memories was an actual GIFT from beyond...from them...I take nothing for granted. About a month ago, I was clearing out so,e old pictures on my computer, and found a video of Bob, on his birthday the May before he died. It took me awhile to be able to view it..and it wasn,t so much the video part, but his VOICE and laughter! I had forgotten what his voice sounded like. Wonderful, yet heart breaking, to hear him speak again after 5 years. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 20, 2021 at 2:55pm

Steve, what an amazing story! You must have been over the moon at coming upon this unexpected gift from Mark! You gave Mark your camera, and what a gift he left for you! And for you to just come across the precious memories and hear Mark's voice after so many years. It's a precious and at the same time a bittersweet gift from beyond. I know you will cherish the recording for as long as you live.

It's only people like us who understand the value of "useless" things left behind by our beloved spouse/partner. For those who have not experienced loss as we have, it is junk that we are holding on to. Like you say, these are things that only mean something to each of us. I keep Joseph's bedside box on my nightstand; it holds a few cuff links, tie pins, and his wedding band. Once in a while I open the box and look inside, and it brings back so many wonderful memories of my life with Joseph.

Stay well, my friend, and say hello to Chuck for me.

Big hugs, Trina

Comment by Steve G. on August 20, 2021 at 8:27am

Trina,

You never know what you may find when cleaning out stuff.

I have all of Mark's favorite jewelry, nothing of any value and mostly cuff links.  One day (sometime in 2019) I was going thru old photographs and papers that were from before Mark passed; at the bottom I found a camera that I was awarded at work.  I got to looking at it and remembered the day I brought it home and let Mark have it.  It was a digital camera with a separate storage card.  So I took it out and uploaded to my lap top.  There were pictures that Mark had taken of me and out dog Bella.  an a short video he had accidently started the day I gave it to him.  He was pressing buttons and talking, I started crying when I heard his voice as I could not remember how he sounded.  "It doesn't look like much of gift for you from your company, me and Bella will have fun".  All the while the video was recording while he was turning over and looking at it.  I still have the little chip from the camera and doubt I will ever toss it.

There are just somethings I guess we all cannot part with, besides, who cares really.  These are things that only mean something to each of us.

Hugs

Steve

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 19, 2021 at 11:03pm

Sara, your message made me laugh. Even though we are talking about something solemn and serious, your comment about the upside of not throwing things away is very funny. I am also a pack rat--it would seem like you--and Joseph would tease me about it. But as you pointed out, sometimes you come across a treasure from 11 years ago like you did when you don't throw things away when you should, as you did with Ken's handwritten paperwork. It sounds like something from a movie: finding all the letters needed for the tattoos from the old paperwork! Equally funny I found your comment that your project for a rainy day is to shred Ken's papers (now that they have served their purpose).

It's a very sad thing to have to do (I still need to take Joseph's papers to FedEx or UPS to be shredded), so I wanted to let you know your sense of humor helped bring some comic relief to this dreaded task that lies ahead for me. Your message cheered me up. Thank you!

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 19, 2021 at 6:28pm

Trina...I'm happy with how the tattoo's turned out.  I guess it pays to not through everything away.  I have a bunch of paperwork from Ken's business so when my niece asked if she could use his writing for her tattoo, I looked through there and found a fax from 2010 that had all the letters needed for "uncle".  My rainy day project for this weekend though is to shred his papers

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 19, 2021 at 2:13pm

Dear Sara,

The tattoos look beautiful! Very artistic. I am impressed to learn how you actually got Ken's own handwriting from a fax for the tattoo. Ken will now live forever with you in a very creative way. Your niece's birthday tattoo in honor of her uncle is pretty cool!

Sending you love and hugs, Trina

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 19, 2021 at 12:01pm

They are beautiful. 

After Bob died..I designed a tattoo..of a version of the cartoon, Simons Cat..how he was always pointing to his mouth for food..when Bob was in the hospital, all he could have was ice chips..so when visitors came, he laughingly did the Simons Cat impression. Pointing to his mouth...so we would fill his ice chips glass. It was pretty good..I still have it..but I hesitate..I have BLOW OUT skin..which takes a special artist to do the tattoo..and, now after 5 years, it doesn’t seem that important to me. I am almost 75 and feel a bit ridiculous entering a parlor..and it’s covid..soooo whatever,

 

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