Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 8, 2022 at 5:01pm

Dear Mary Jane,

I'm very sorry that this is going to be such a difficult month for you. That you didn't "get dressed" (as I call it) yesterday is familiar to me. That feeling that somehow it just doesn't matter isn't pleasant - feeling almost numb and just not up to going through the motions. I've had many of those days in Bloomsbury after Larry passed and I was there alone. I often didn't comb my hair or brush my teeth for hours after waking, and my hours weren't in keeping with the rest of the world, being up most of the night and sleeping days, when I could sleep.

I think you're absolutely right about fear - as was Bob's sign. 

I will try listening to the song you suggest, but until then hang in there dear friend - we're all here to listen and send you love when you need support and comfort. We're all able to understand your feelings and we help each other get through these kind of rocky times - it's always been what this family has been all about.

Wishing you some peace tonight - love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 8, 2022 at 12:22pm

Hi everyone.  No, this month is NOT getting any better. I am sad, cry a lot..this has NEVER happened..and at the end of Feb the 7th year without Bob will begin. Yesterday I did something I have NEVER DONE in my ENTIRE life...I stayed in my pajamas all day. (They looked just like regular clothes..) but it was the principle. Maybe it’s how much our lives have changed, with the fear of Covid..the ever present fact soo many are social life to speak of...there is possible danger everywhere. I guess it is fear..and Bob had a sign on our fridge:  

“ FEAR EATS THE SOUL”. I guess it can.

There is a song/video that kind of says it all for me:

”Someone You Loved” by Louis Capaldi. I couldn’t figure out how to post the link here..but I urge you to check it out on YOU TUBE.

For me, being able to do what the man did after his wife died, would have been wonderful.  Thanks for “listening”


Comment by Mary. Jane on February 5, 2022 at 11:27pm

Awwww such a cute couple!! 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 5, 2022 at 10:46am

Hi everyone

I finally scanned this photo - Larry and I in the summer of 1983, just months after we met. We walked for almost an hour, climbing a steep road in Hancock, Massachusetts. The lower part of Potter Mountain Road has a few homes set back in the woods and is paved up to a point. After that it is just a dirt access road for the huge power lines that were run through the valley 15 years before this was taken by our friend who walked with us. I hadn't made this climb since I was in my teens, and we were all feeling the heat as we continued. This photo brings it all back - the reward was a spectacular view of the Jerico Valley that few get to see from this perspective, although  Jimminy Peak Ski lodge and resort nearby also has beautiful views. Larry looked at me and said now he understood why I so loved Hancock - we once hoped to move there when he would retire from the printing company, but that was not to be. One day I hope to show Hancock to Steve, but we won't be making this climb I assure you.

Comment by Steve G. on February 5, 2022 at 8:19am

I still get help from my unseen Angles, all the time.  My gratitude for this help is never ending and they have been around helping me even before I realized they were.  Strange how life catches up with us as we grow older and learn to truly understand and the help and sometimes even protection when we least expect it.  Growing older is not so bad, we learn to accept and life's challenges and lessons as part of our intended path.  Some painful and others not so painful, mostly a mixed bag.  I often thought that if I could go back and change this or that life would be different.  I am happy where I am on this path and honestly, changing anything or any part would be scary.  I am content and look forward to my new days ahead.  This year I will be 75 and I am still in awe of how my life has been and what is yet to be.

Take care my legacy family and friends, we all have good memories and miles to go before we sleep.


Comment by Steve G. on February 5, 2022 at 8:04am

Hi Sara,

The photo of me and Mark was taken in Ft Lauderdale (2000) at a Christmas party for the company was working for.  We had relocated from Key West just one year before this photo.  We both looked so young then, but then that was 22 years ago, and a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then.

Mark was so happy landing this new job and we both prospered well in South Florida.  Good memories all around.

Take care dear friend.  I still do not get notices when anyone posts here, Chuck lets me know.


Comment by Mary. Jane on February 2, 2022 at 2:54pm

Thank you everyone. This is a short reply, but it’s been a strange few days...I feel sort of overwhelmed, but for seemingly no reason.

i am sure this will,pass. 

Sara, YES, I saw all the snow on the news! I actually MISS the snow we got in Oklahoma...not too much, just enough to look pretty. I remember one time there was ALOT of it, so we put our kitty on the back steps to see what he would do. He sniffed,  shook his little feet and GLARED at us as he RAN back inside.

ok NAPTIME..bye for now.

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 1, 2022 at 9:51pm

Hi our blizzard made the news.  It's always fun getting 2 ft of snow, you remember what that's like right. I spent the day of the blizzard binge watching Seal Team (I love that show)  and began clean up on Sunday.  I did enough to make sure I could get out of the driveway and left the rest to slowly clear over the next few days but of course I asked Ken and my angels for help.  While I was working yesterday, my neighbor just started clearing my walkway which is quite long.  My angels came through for me again.  All any of us has to do is ask for help and it comes in time. 

I'd love to see your picture of Larry when you have a chance to scan it.  And Steve, if you're listening maybe a pic of Mark too.

Take care everyone and be safe from all the crazy weather happening throughout the country.

Love, Sara

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 1, 2022 at 9:37pm

Mary Jane.....I don't have exactly the experience you do but I do feel Ken, at times more strongly than others.  It depends what's going on but even on days that I don't feel him at all, I still know he's here.  I don't think you're losing it at all.  Our loved ones souls are still alive so they need to find a different way to communicate with us.  It's nice that you can talk to Bob.  I hope you take comfort knowing that he's with you

Love, Sara

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on February 1, 2022 at 3:41pm

Dear Chuck!

Thank you so much dear friend! The love from here has been a blessing! As are you!



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