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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7. 6 Replies

Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by DJ on February 20, 2022 at 10:27am

Mary Jane: hugs and prayers to you and your earthbound angel Melinda.

Comment by Steve G. on February 20, 2022 at 10:22am

Thank you, Marsha, for posting her message.  I will add my prayers to everyone else's.  Y

Hug to you.

Steve G.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 20, 2022 at 9:52am

Dear Mary Jane,

I know first-hand how upsetting and frightening emergency room visits are, and am sending as much positive energy out to you as I can. I will be waiting to hear from you when you are up to it, and look forward to you being back home and feeling stronger and comfortable again.

With much love and many hugs from Steve and I,

Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 20, 2022 at 9:48am

Thank you Marsha for alerting us - I know everyone here is sending prayers of love and support Mary Jane's way,, as of course do Steve and I.

Love to all, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on February 19, 2022 at 4:59pm

MARY JANE ASKED ME TO LET YOU ALL KNOW SHE IS NOT DOING WELL AND THIS IS HER MESSAGE:

I spent 8 hours in the emergency room yesterday, almost died...needed a blood transfusion ...my hemoglobins were only 6.8 11 is normal...I am still super low..weak and scared. Melinda was with me, and is here now.
I am terrified...
I,will keep u posted..it is ok if u want to tell the others.
Bye..
MJ

I'M SAYING PRAYERS FOR HER HOPING SHE HEALS QUICKLY.

MARY JANE ...  YOU HANG IN THEIR GIRL AND I'M THINKING OF YOU AND SAID A PRAYER FOR YOU.

LOVE YA

MARSHA

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 18, 2022 at 10:26am

Dear Trina,

I have been thinking of you and am grateful to hear from you. As you always do, you add beautiful heartfelt insights expressed eloquently and with great compassion.

The differences you note between you and Joseph, while bringing occasional disagreements, undoubtedly became an integral part of the strong fabric of your life together. When we are open to seeing another person as having things to teach us as well as to love us, then a relationship grows with enduring roots planted in the solid ground of absolute acceptance of our differences and watered by unconditional love. 

Like Mary Jane, Larry and I saw many rocky and combative marriages and relationships among family, friends, and acquaintances. Larry himself had such a marriage to his ex-wife. I wondered how something that started with a loving commitment could unravel to such an unpleasant point, and why some couples couldn't work out their problems. I gradually understood that nobody could or will ever fully comprehend the dynamics in any couples' relationship from the outside. That was certainly true for me and Larry, so I had to apply that fact to my view of other couples as well. This helped me avoid judging them (mostly) and "taking sides". I admit I wasn't always successful in this effort.

We were often told that we were a perfect couple and asked how we made it work so well. I found this interesting coming from straight couples who had never had to battle the obstacles and attitudes that Larry and I had confronted every day. Perhaps the reality that there were such powerful forces that were vehemently, even violently, opposed to our love for each other made us dig in our heels and work through the problems that arose from both inside and outside our relationship.  

My answer to these inquiries was uncharacteristically brief and succinct, and seemed to surprise some people. I said that we respected each other and tried to show the same courtesies to one another that we would show any stranger. Love and passion are wonderful, but the way you treat each other on a daily basis in the most mundane of circumstances is where so many small arguments and differences grow into outright fights and resentments. 

Larry and I were denied for so long even the tiniest recognition of our relationship by law, that seeing legally married people seemingly throw that precious commitment away so easily seemed a sin. So yes Trina, we here are indeed blessed with the knowledge that our love for our spouses never died or was discarded - in fact it never ended at all, nor will it ever. If only we could help struggling couples realize how lucky they are while together, but there are some lessons in life that one learns the hard way.

Every time someone here in our family shares another story, photo, or insight, I come away stronger, calmer, and mostly more grateful for finding this special place of healing and support. I close my posts the same way every time simply because it is how I feel about you all, so be well and I send a big hug to everybody - 

Love, Chuck 

  

Comment by Steve G. on February 17, 2022 at 4:46pm

Great to hear from everyone!  8 years have passed since Mark's passing, and I must add that on some days it seems like yesterday.  Those times have subsided, but it does not change or lesson the loss.  Time does help heal but it does not ever loose it's sting of that loss.  We move forward at a different pace than before and different to anyone else that has suffered a loss.  That is the thread that binds us all on this site, we all have a go to place when the sting hurts and take the time to share where they are and what they are feeling.  So grateful for each and every one of you.  I shudder to think what these last years would have been like had I not found you all.

Thank you and hugs to all.

Steve G.

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on February 17, 2022 at 1:15pm

Big hugs for you Trina!

Todd

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 16, 2022 at 3:54pm

Mary Jane, Charles, Sara, Todd, Marsha, and Steve and Everybody Else Who is reading This,

I wish you well and hope that Valentine's Day was not too sad for you. It was a hard day for me, but after reading the encouraging posts here, I found the courage to make it through the day without too many tears. Heeding Charles' advice, I shifted my focus to the good memories I shared with the love of my life Joseph.

Mary Jane, I couldn't agree with you more in what you say about feeling blessed for having known a great love. So many people have bad marriages and they feel resentment and anger towards their spouse/partner. But people on this site, we were the fortunate few, the blessed who had received the gift of true love. And this thought alone brings me comfort and a feeling of gratitude. Joseph and I only had 19 years together, but the memories from those 19 years are enough to see me through the rest of my life.

Mary Jane, you made me laugh by saying life isn't full of rainbows, kittens, hearts and flowers. LOL! Indeed, it is not! While Joseph and I were in love until the day he died, we had our fair share of disagreements and fights. We came from different countries, cultures, religions, and races, so it is no surprise that we sometimes had disagreements. But our love for each other was strong, and it endured through the bumpy days and differences in opinion over certain things. 

It was seven years ago last August that my old, happy life ended and that I started on my new, tough journey of life without Joseph at my side. But I am forever grateful for having had him in my life and for having known true love.

Sending you all much love and wishing you strength and courage as you face each new day and go through it with courage and kindness even when missing your beloved spouse. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 15, 2022 at 11:05pm

LOL, I HAVE to add..anyone reading my last post might think our 49 years together were full of rainbows, kittens, hearts &flowers..lol but life isn,t like that. Of COURSE we disagreed on a lot, it would have been boring!  Did we have arguments? Of course we did! U live,with someone that long, there are going to be a few weeds on the primrose lane..but that is life! I can honestly say, even if we were angry, it NEVER lasted until the next day. It would usually feel like a stupid argument, and we would laugh, and make up. Ironicly all these memories are flooding back to me, after 6 years of blocking everything out..and the are GOOD and make me smile. 

 

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